Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Like most Beta Males, he didn't realize that being a good guy was not necessarily an attraction to women.
It's very difficult to stay angry when a room full of bald guys in orange robes start giggling. Buddhism.
You were supposed to empathize with your friend's problem, but they were, after all, your friend's problems.
I've made a dog's breakfast of English history, geography, 'King Lear,' and the English language in general.
And he was like "The sedative in the blood, blah, blah, four hours, blah, blah, nerdspeak, geektalk -" -Abby
Most of us don't live our lives with one, integrated self that meets the world, we're a whole bunch of selves.
So I am death" Charlie said then turned to his daughter while buttering his toast. "This is death toast sweety.
No one knows why, but second only to eating the brains of the living, the dead love affordable prefab furniture.
Which is why you chose to wear that delightful ensemble from the skank-wear collection at Hoes-n-Thangs?" -Tommy
She hugged me and I could feel the heat rise in my face, either from shame or love, like there was a difference.
It's wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs.
And an inky-colored despair of rejection enveloped me like the black tortilla of depression around a pain burrito.
It’s like he has this power over me—like I have an eating disorder and he’s a package of Oreo Double Stuff cookies.
Ooo ahe-e, I aya oa a," she said in yawnspeak, a language - not unlike Hawaiian - known for its paucity of consonants.
Kayso, it turns out that driving an actual car is way harder than it is in 'Grand Theft Auto: Zombie Hooker Smackdown.
He invented Kung Fu when translated to English means method by which short, bald guys can kick the bejeezus out of you.
Just because he was pretty didn't mean he couldn't be improved by a smack upside the head with a piece of earnest hickory
I don't read reviews if I know in advance they're negative, because I can't have my confidence undermined when I'm writing.
She's so obnoxious. Like a whole Saturday night drunk tank full of obnoxious packed into one little body." Detective Cavuto
She was an alien, really - a sort of eating, pooping, tantrum machine - and he didn't understand anything about her species.
The Angel Gabriel disappeared once for sixty years and they found him on earth hiding in the body of a man named Miles Davis.
Everyone is happier if they have someone else to look down on, as well as someone to look up to, especially if they resent both.
...as if someone had thrown a hand grenade into the middle of a teddy bear orgy and the only survivors had had their fur blown off.
I'm not nearly as outrageously brave as many of my rascals that I write. But I think the rascal spirit must reside in me somewhere.
...One time you take a hundred thousand dollars and let a vampire go, the whole world turns on you like you're some kind of bad guy.
You know, there's a 12 step program for gambling. You should look into that. Twelve steps. Coyote laughed. I'll bet I can do it in six.
That's the difference between irony and sarcasm. Irony can be spontaneous, while sarcasm requires volition. You have to create sarcasm.
So hey, once Joshua heals your brother, you want to go do something, get some pomegranate juice, a falafel,or get married or something?
I thought I was going to be a horror story writer. My influences were horror writers, like Rich Matheson, Ray Bradbury and Bram Stoker.
Charlie Asher: Mrs. Ling, is that duck wearing trousers? Mrs. Ling: Could be . . . . You hear of paper-wrap chicken? This duck in pants.
I'm thinking of being a professional mourner. How hard can it be? Tear at your hair, sing a dirge or two, take the rest of the week off.
He had risked his freedom and his pride to buy her this, to acknowledge that part of her that everyone else seemed to want to get rid of.
You can't teach someone to be funny, but you can teach comic timing. If you listen to a good comic, you can learn how to put it on a page.
Actually, orcas aren't quite as complex as scientists imagine. Most killer whales are just four tons of doofus dressed up like a police car.
Yo, yo, yo, check it out," said PJ, with enough hand gestures that any deaf person watching would have thought he had ASL Tourette's syndrome
I really don't think of my work in terms of a genre. I think of it in terms of what I want to say, what I think is cool, and what I'm good at.
I've sort of made a reputation by high-stepping my way out of genre. As soon as somebody says, 'He does this,' I'm not standing there anymore.
When I teach seminars, I tell people, Your stuff has to look like something thats out there, because otherwise nobody will take a chance on you.
After all the evidence is in--after you've run all the facts by everything you know--and you're still lost, you have to do some things on faith.
All of the trickster, rascal characters that I write have the voice I aspire to. In real life, you can't be that obnoxious and get away with it.
Life is messy. Would that every puzzle piece fell into place, every word was kind, every accident happy, but such is not the case. Life is messy
When I teach seminars, I tell people, 'Your stuff has to look like something that's out there, because otherwise nobody will take a chance on you.'
Enchantment and seduction were fine means of persuasion, but when time is short, an awkward but quick concussion could better serve a girl's purpose.
Lonliness evaporated off of them like the steam off dry ice, and by morning it was just a cloud on the ceiling of the room, then gone with the light.
Chapter 8, Dinner With the Vampire: Is there something wrong with your food?" No, I'm just not very hungry." You're going to break my heart, aren't you?
Oh, we are but soft and squishy bags of mortality rolling in a bin of sharp circumstance, leaking life until we collapse, flaccid, into our own despair.
You're trying to be tricky. What's morality?" "It's the difference between what's right and what you can rationalize." "Must be a human thing." "Exactly.
When I was writing 'You Suck,' in 2006, I constructed the diction of the book's narrator, perky Goth girl Abby Normal, from what I read on Goth blog sites.
This is the man who called the fire department when the toilet backed up, and I'm asking him for help. What was I thinking? Why am I attracted to weak men?
In fact, he sorely hoped that it would happen, because otherwise, the world made no sense, there was no justice, and life was just a tangled ball of chaos.