The cleverest woman on earth is the biggest fool on earth with a man.

Four things I am wiser to know: Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.

Ducking for apples -- change one letter and it's the story of my life.

London is satisfied, Paris is resigned, but New York is always hopeful.

There was a reason for the cost of those perfectly plain black dresses.

Hollywood is one place in the world where you can die of encouragement.

[On the ringing of her doorbell or telephone:] What fresh hell is this?

And if my heart be scarred and burned, The safer, I, for all I learned.

That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them.

I don't mind anything that's written about me, as long as it's not true.

I don't want to review books any more. It cuts in too much on my reading.

Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.

Newton's Fourth Law: Every action has an equal and opposite satisfaction.

Hollywood is the one place on earth where you could die of encouragement.

Her big heart did not, as is so sadly often the case, inhabit a big bosom.

Never throw mud: you can miss the target, but your hands will remain dirty.

The sweeter the apple, the blacker the core. Scratch a lover and find a foe!

[On being told their loquacious, domineering host was 'outspoken':] By whom?

The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.

Art is a form of catharsis emotional release, purging, cleansing, purifying.

Said after she had been seriously ill: The doctors were very brave about it.

Ah, clear they see and true they say That one shall weep, and one shall stray

I wanted to be cute. That's the terrible thing. I should have had more sense.

Guns aren't lawful; nooses give; gas smells awful. So you might as well live.

I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.

There are times when images blow to fluff, and comparisons stiffen and shrivel.

I'm not a writer with a drinking problem, I'm a drinker with a writing problem.

There is entirely too much charm around, and something must be done to stop it.

As I was saying to the landlord only this morning: 'You can't have everything'.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

I give her sadness and the gift of pain, a new moon madness and a love of rain.

He lies below, correct in cypress wood, And entertains the most exclusive worms.

[When asked what was the inspiration for most of her work:] Need of money, dear.

When you have to apologize, it is well, I suppose, to get the thing over quickly.

People Who Do Things exceed my endurance; God, for a man that solicits insurance!

Now, look, baby, 'Union' is spelled with 5 letters. It is not a four-letter word.

Authors and actors and artists and such - Never know nothing, and never know much.

Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.

On being told of the death of former President Calvin Coolidge: How could they tell?

Bewildered is the fox who lives to find that grapes beyond reach can be really sour.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

Most good women are hidden treasures who are only safe because nobody looks for them.

Four be the things I'd have been better without: love, curiosity, freckles and doubt.

She can sit up and beg, and she can give her paw — I don't say she will, but she can.

Q: What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone? A: You can't hear an enzyme.

Summer makes me drowsy. Autumn makes me sing. Winter's pretty lousy, but I hate Spring.

If you want to know what God thinks about money, just look at the people He gives it to.

Hollywood money isn't money. It's congealed snow, melts in your hand, and there you are.

The sun's gone dim, and the moon's gone black. For I loved him, and he didn't love back.

I was always sweet, at first. Oh, it's so easy to be sweet to people before you love them.

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