Luck is not a business model.

When do you stop to de-douche?

I have the best job in the world.

My family is very far from normal.

New Orleans is a glorious mutation

What's the opposite of suck? Un-suck?

I do my very best to avoid shark fin.

I'm not afraid to look like an idiot.

Drugs didn't work out too well for me.

Only Texans and Jews understand brisket

Writing anything is a treason of sorts.

Good food and good eating are about risk.

Without new ideas success can become stale

Don't touch my d**k, don't touch my knife.

Without Montreal, Canada would be hopeless.

Open your mind, get up off the couch, move.

I'm not afraid to look like an idiot on TV.

I'd like to make a show with Keith Richards.

There is no Final Resting Place of the Mind.

Drink heavily with locals whenever possible.

You dropped a 500-seat deuce on Times Square.

An ounce of sauce covers a multitude of sins.

Cream rises. Excellence does have its rewards.

I can unload my opinion on anybody at anytime.

It's that show Friends. Ruined coffee forever.

And now to sleep, to dream...perchance to fart.

I'm away 250 days a year. It's a tough situation.

I make friends faster and easier than journalists.

The way you make an omelet reveals your character.

I'd never done anything useful as far as my writing.

I'm never a reliable narrator, unbiased or objective.

Good food is very often, even most often, simple food.

I need the anesthetic qualities of the local fire water.

I am very much enjoying the fatherhood phase of my life.

I love bacon, but I don't think we need it on everything.

It's very rarely a good career move to have a conscience.

I'm evangelical on the subject of some chefs and writers.

My love of soft, runny cheese - it's impossible to resist.

I don't have to agree with you to like you or respect you.

Everything important I learned, I learned as a dishwasher.

You know, it's not the world I would have wanted, for sure.

Being on television, being recognizable, this is unnatural.

It's not normal, what I do. Just being on television isn't.

A burger is something anyone can do, just follow the rules.

Street food, I believe, is the salvation of the human race.

I could eat bloody Elvis - if you put enough vinegar on him.

You learn a lot about someone when you share a meal together.

When you have a child you're no longer the star of the movie.

Barbecue may not be the road to world peace, but it's a start.

I'm not going to get off the pony as long as they let me ride it.

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