Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
This stammer got me a home in Beverly Hills, and I'm not about to screw with it now.
You're not dead at 85. You're a long way from it. Go out and enjoy. You've earned it.
The greatest comedian I've ever seen is Jack Benny. He wasn't afraid of the silences.
All comedians are, in a way, anarchists. Our job is to make fun of the existing world.
Don't live in the past. There's no point. You can't change anything. What a waste of time.
Mark Twain gave us an insight into the life on the Mississippi at the turn of the century.
I wasn't much good. When I went into the line on a fake - I would holler 'I don't have it!'
A lot of money is spent trying to keep people alive who don't necessarily want to be alive.
You never know when you'll come upon something and it's going to be fodder for new material.
The schizophrenic has no sense of humor. His world is a constantly daunting, unfriendly place.
The first time I heard Richard Pryor, I knew he would be a major force in the world of comedy.
But I really believe that if you have the ability, there is an obligation to make people laugh
I have an aversion to laugh tracks - the moment I hear a laugh track, I go to another channel.
I'm glad you can't talk on your cells while the plane is in the air. That would drive me crazy.
It's kind of hard coming from 'Saturday Night Live,' which is a sketch-driven show, to a movie.
I don't want to find the secret. I'm afraid all the joy will go out of it if I find the secret.
I was influenced by every comedian I ever saw work. That's the only way you learn how to do it.
There's a lot of cynicism. Let's really enjoy Christmas, with all that's going on in the world.
I know Chuck Lorre personally, and am familiar with his work going back to 'Roseanne' and 'Cybil.'
I'm not a classically trained actor. I'm not a product of Stavlovski method or anything like that.
Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on.
Cell phones have gotten so small, you can't tell who's a cell phone user and who's a schizophrenic.
The giant superstars are people whose talent is so enormous that their death wish can't destroy it.
Television series are like the stock market. There's room for bears and bulls but no room for pigs.
I've done more than I thought I was ever going to do. I've had a very long and very satisfying career.
I think there are still words you can't use in family entertainment that you can use in a sitcom today.
'The Mary Tyler Moore Show' was the best television, the best cast, the best-written television show ever.
I think everyone probably starts out sounding like someone else, but gradually you develop your own sound.
People are meant to be certain places, and I think I'm meant to be on a sound stage doing situation comedy.
You may have done 20 great shows in a row and come to one, and it doesn't work. You never presume anything.
I don't have a stack of scripts that, when I get home, studios are clamoring, saying, 'Has Bob read ours yet?'
I have no intention of retiring; I can't imagine not doing stand-up. That's where I started and where I'll be.
Comedians are never really on vacation because you're always at attention... that antenna is always out there.
I kind of do it in my head, then I'll try pieces of it on stage and if it looks promising, I'll put it together.
I don't want to sound like the old guy, but cynicism is a potential danger. It colors our way of looking at the world.
I think one reason for a successful marriage is laughter. I think laughter gets you through the rough moments in a marriage.
I don't think too much about age. Maybe if you're hurting, aching and arthritic, then you think about it a lot. But I don't.
Women are more emotional. They do get flustered. Which is not to say that men are better than they. It's simply the way it is.
Continuing to do stand-up is always a challenge because the audiences and the environments in which you work very often differ.
I've been told to speed up my delivery when I perform. But if I lose the stammer, I'm just another slightly amusing accountant.
I can't do a one-camera show. I don't know how to do that kind of show where you count in your head and then you do the next line.
When I was off TV, people would ask me to please come back, which I think was their way of saying, 'There's nothing out there for us.'
I'm most proud of the longevity of my marriage, my kids, and my grandchildren. If you don't have that, you really don't have very much.
People have told me, 'My dad passed on, but I have great memories of watching your shows with him.' It doesn't get any better than that.
There's gratification in making somebody laugh. It's a wonderful sound. I find myself, to this day, doing it, wanting to make people laugh.
I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'.
I think there's a little confusion between humor and 'gross' passing for humor. That's kind of regrettable, because they aren't the same thing.
You do a clean show and it's over and the audience have enjoyed themselves and you've enjoyed yourself, and you haven't had to resort to shock.
There was a sea of change in comedy in the late 1950s and '60s. We were dealing with vignettes as opposed to jokes. We were more socially aware.
For some reason, comedians are still children. The social skills somehow never reach us, so we say exactly what we think without weighing the results.