How much do I owe you?

I'm Chevy Chase, and you're not.

It's so important, people laughing.

Thank God I have the right friends.

There's no vacation from being a parent.

All my children inherited perfect pitch.

Fame is a very unnatural human condition.

I'm a New Yorker, and I live in the country.

I watched every single Charlie Chaplin film.

I am a clown, just without the painted smile.

I've always loved the 'Weekend Update' people.

In this business, you can come and go in a second.

You can't observe as much if you're observed by others.

Avoid fatty foods, Bensonhurst, and hair care products.

It was pretty clear that I was a funny guy, just as a guy.

It took me 20 years of making movies to learn how to do it.

I learned a lot about handling fans from established stars.

What makes a home home? Animals, and a little bit of clutter.

The best advice I can give you about falling is to never land.

Break as few bones as possible and make as much noise as you can.

I made about 28 movies, and I think about five of them were good.

Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish

The best comedy I ever did was when people didn't know who I was.

Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.

Laughter kills lonesome. It's one of the great things in our lives.

I'd never be tied down for five years interviewing TV personalities.

There are very few solid family films. A lot of the writing is awful.

Anyone who wants to run has to be a Jimmy Swaggart, minus the default.

All preconceptions when you laugh go out the window. Laughter kills it.

A flute without holes, is not a flute. A donut without a hole, is a Danish.

It's about timing and rhythm. But who could be better than Chaplin or Keaton?

Frank Capra's grandson was a second Assistant Director on 'Christmas Vacation.'

Step by step, we will break this cycle of silence, poor information and stigma.

I don't know if my looks will ever get any better, but my pratfalls sure won't.

I guess I look so straight and normal nobody expects me to pick my nose and fall.

Live a life of grace. You'll be a better person for it, and so will your children.

I guess I look so straight and normal, nobody expects me to pick my nose and fall.

Most of the films I've done were ruined in the postproduction, not during filming.

I've usually had two styles: the Fletch character and the Clark Griswold character.

Television doesn't make stars. It's the written media, the press, that makes stars.

I've been too funny in my life to have to play a character who's... moderately funny.

Nobody prepares you for what happens when you get famous, and I didn't handle it well.

It wasn't as if I was simply some guy who had never seen the other side of the tracks.

Damn, I had some great moves. I still have them; I'm just not using them at home a lot.

Be Funny. Be naturally funny. If you're not, get out of the business. Be compassionate.

I think I need to be taken away, dropped in some territory with just a lot of loud guys.

I just went into this business for laughs. I guess I don't mind being an actor so much now.

If you're in the White House, it's your house, and you can invite whatever friend you want.

We never could have performed live for an hour and a half every week if we were doing drugs.

'Weekend Update' can be presented as a full 20-minute sketch, and there's a lot of room there.

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