The secret to success is to offend the greatest number of people.

Political necessities sometime turn out to be political mistakes.

If the English can survive their food, they can survive anything.

Although I cannot lay an egg, I am a very good judge of omelettes

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.

It is not enough to know what is good: you must be able to do it.

The world is populated in the main by people who should not exist

Blasphemy and sedition (meaning the truth about Church and State).

A gentleman is one who puts more into the world than he takes out.

What really flatters a man is that you think him worth flattering.

Let not the right side of your brain know what the left side doeth.

Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.

The man who has never made a mistake will never make anything else.

The possibilities are numerous once we decide to act and not react.

Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.

It is not disbelief that is dangerous to our society; it is belief.

A mind of the caliber of mine cannot derive its nutrient from cows.

The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post.

A man who desires to get married should know everything or nothing.

The real moment of success is not the moment apparent to the crowd.

Man's inhumanity to man is only surpassed by his cruelty to animals

Reason enslaves all whose minds are not strong enough to master her.

The only time my education was interrupted was when I was in school.

What use are cartridges in battle? I always carry chocolate instead.

There are two things necessary to Salvation.... Money and gunpowder.

In this world there is always danger for those who are afraid of it.

Reformers have the idea that change can be achieved by brute sanity.

A man thinking or working is always alone, let him be where he will.

There are no secrets better kept than the secrets everybody guesses.

There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it.

Have you ever met a man of good character where women are concerned?

My religion? Well, my dear, I am a Millionaire. That is my religion.

Is the devil to have all the passions as well as all the good tunes?

Baseball has the great advantage over cricket of being sooner ended.

England and America are two countries separated by the same language.

We want a few mad people now. See where the sane ones have landed us!

The business man - the man to whom age brings golf instead of wisdom.

It is not that I am so clever; it is that everyone else is so stupid.

The great advantage of a hotel is that it is a refuge from home life.

Virtue consists, not in abstaining from vice, but in not desiring it.

Man is the only animals of which I am thoroughly and cravenly afraid.

Man can climb to the highest summits, but he cannot dwell there long.

From Mozart I learnt to say important things in a conversational way.

Words are only postage stamps delivering the object for you to unwrap

Self-sacrifice enables us to sacrifice other people without blushing.

While we have prisons it matters little which of us occupy the cells.

The best place to find God is in a garden. You can dig for him there.

The poor silly-clever Irishman takes off his hat to God's Englishman.

It is well to be off with the old woman before you're on with the new.

We must all share in the evils of the world or move to another planet.

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