Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
My dad doesn't hug me enough!
I only got into comedy to get laid
I vote for whoever will annoy my dad.
There's a real sense of camaraderie with sitcoms.
I think people respect honesty rather than hiding it.
I like to think I'm a bit smarter than I sometimes let on.
Oh, you wanna do a little bit of roleplay? Could you just play dead?
Live stand-up is my thing. I love being on stage and just messing around.
I'm very conscious of other people's opinions and of people not liking me.
When I'm on stage, I'm quite over the top - I'm quite flamboyant and camp.
I've never laughed a woman into bed, but I've laughed one out of bed many times.
I never know what defines you as being posh. I went to a posh school, definitely.
This sausage roll only contains 2% of your daily intake of calories... if you lick it.
If I could look like anyone, it would be Jamie Redknapp - even up close, he's amazing.
I hope people think of me as a bit older. I do have a beard. That makes me look very old.
I want to write a film. I need to think of the right idea and focus on that; I love writing.
I have got a fantastic life and I just like to get on with it, and I am quite a private person.
I love stand-up, but the process of writing is a little more lonely. I want to keep doing both, though.
I don't like comedians who don't have conviction, and with stand-up, it is always best to have an angle.
If I'm in an uncomfortable situation, I think I can say something funny to defuse it. Sometimes you can't.
My mother giving birth to me was just like Lady Sybil giving birth, except that there wasn't such a tragic ending.
I'm not actually posh; I'm really rough and from the wrong side of the tracks. I grew up in Putney, which is pretty rough.
Part of doing stand-up is to get things off your chest. It's a bit like being in a psychiatrist's chair - but more enjoyable.
I'd like to scale back the television. I'm constantly told that I'm over-exposed, and I don't want to end up like Carol Vorderman.
When I was younger, I was insecure for about 10 years: I wore glasses, had a cow's lick, buck teeth and braces. I looked ridiculous.
I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say 'bought', I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid.
For the first six months of my stand-up career, I was talking like Danny Dyer. I was doing a lot of 'alright guvnors?' It wasn't true to who I was.
I love Downton Abbey. It's just great. My mother giving birth to me was just like Lady Sybil giving birth, except that there wasn't such a tragic ending.
I was the first person in the world to audition for 'The Hobbit'. The casting director told me that when I went in. That's a lot of pressure, isn't it? The first person in the world.
Some comics have long routines to get them in the mood - I just prefer to sit down, write out the same jokes in a different order and then have a little prayer that I won't be met by silence.
I wish I was a bit shorter, as I think shorter people have better walks. Freddie Fox, the actor, is shorter than me and has an amazing gait; and Tom Cruise has a brilliant run. I'm just gangly.
Society is so divided in its perception of public school people. Most people who went to public school behave in the right way, but every now and then there will be someone who comes along and ruins it.
I did a gig at a comedy club in Bournemouth where they served a buffet while the acts were on. There was the clang of people carving turkey during the set. If you put comedy and turkey side by side, turkey always wins.
I've definitely become smuttier. When I first started out, I had these aspirations: 'I'm not going to do jokes about anything crude because I'm bigger and better than that.' But then, I don't know... It makes me laugh, so I started doing it.
I acted at school but got very bad parts - things that they'd made up in Shakespeare plays like 'Guard 17' - so I wrote plays and gave myself parts, then I wrote sketches, then I did stand-up. Even in the school nativity I was the emu in the manger.