Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
One of the most difficult things to contend with in a hospital is that assumption on the part of the staff that because you have lost your gall bladder you have also lost your mind.
Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left.
I will read anything rather than work.
'Lunch Hour' is suitable for a teenager.
It takes at least one to make a marriage.
Affairs have been going on since Tolstoy.
I make mistakes; I'll be the second to admit it.
I don't want to see the uncut version of anything.
Movie actors are just ordinary, mixed-up people - with agents.
Hope is the feeling that the feeling you have isn't permanent.
I'm not so sure it's so civilized to be civilized all the time.
People only call you 'my dear' when they are irritated with you.
Nobody ever wrote better about domestic things than Robert Benchley.
I think success has no rules, but you can learn a great deal from failure.
I was always the last woman on the last down elevator as the store was closing.
Don't be silly. I'm a mature, intelligent woman. Of course I'm afraid of my mother.
There is this to be said about having money. You get rejected by a higher class of people.
Some enterprising youth should go from door to door on Christmas morning peddling batteries.
Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living.
Even though a number of people have tried, no one has ever found a way to drink for a living.
When the grandmothers of today hear the word 'Chippendales', they don't necessary think of chairs.
The only reason that they say, 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats.
It's easier to write about what you know. I wouldn't write about a Wall Street broker, for example.
When the grandmothers of today hear the word 'Chippendales,' they don't necessarily think of chairs.
I thought we talked things out!' 'Yes, and you listened very carefully to every word you had to say.
I know what I wish Ralph Nader would investigate next. Marriage. It's not safe, it's not safe at all.
I have two trifling ambitions in the theater: to make a lot of people laugh and to make a lot of money.
Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?
The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.
I don't grasp things this early in the day. I mean, I hear voices, all right, but I can't pick out the verbs.
The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation.
I have noticed that in plays where the characters on stage laugh a great deal, the people out front laugh very little.
If you can keep your head when all about are losing theirs, it's just possible that you haven't grasped the situation.
I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being skin deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?
A man speaks only when driven to speech by something outside himself - like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks.
Now the thing about having a baby - and I can't be the first person to have noticed this - is that thereafter you have it.
Man is the only animal that learns by being hypocritical. He pretends to be polite and then, eventually, he becomes polite.
I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on.
An actor can remember his briefest notice well into senescence and long after he has forgotten his phone number and where he lives.
You can't sleep until noon with the proper elan unless you have some legitimate reason for staying up until three (parties don't count).
Oh, wouldn't it be wonderful if some manufacturer would make a toy as tough, as staunch, as hard to crack open as the carton it comes in!
Children are different - mentally, physically, spiritually, quantitatively, qualitatively; and furthermore, they're all a little bit nuts.
To me having a party is something like having a baby. The fact that you got through the last one alive is not somehow sufficiently reassuring now.
Years ago when a man began to notice that if he stood up on the subway he was immediately replaced by two people, he figured he was getting too fat.
Some people have such a talent for making the best of a bad situation that they go around creating bad situations so they can make the best of them.
I once truly believed that if I had to stand in line for twenty minutes to have a package gift-wrapped it actually gave the recipient more pleasure.
Dearer to me than the evening star A Packard car A Hershey bar Or a bride in her rich adorning Dearer than any of these by far Is to lie in bed in the morning
A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table.
I know all about improvisation and the free-form that mirrors the chaos of our time, but I do like to feel that the playwright has done some work before I got there.
