Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I am not an Internet superstar.
I know nothing about letting go.
The fact is I'm very self-similar.
Only the nerds will save the earth.
Specificity is the soul of narrative.
My fame is due to broadcast television.
First of all, I wish I could grow a beard.
That which is hard to do is best done bitterly.
I don't wish to brag, but I'm very intelligent.
You are only pretentious if you are not sincere.
Reality, while generally probable, is not always interesting.
The villain of any story is often the most compelling character.
I would definitely make eggs for the rest of my life if I could.
Everyone wants to write a book. Very few people are able to do it.
People like what they like. They're gonna do what they're gonna do.
All books should be trilogies; I mean I think we all agree on that.
There is no ritual that enhances creativity other than just starting.
The most important book on the Internet is, essentially, the Internet.
I don't watch television. And certainly not ads; I loathe advertising.
I am someone who values truth - actual truth as opposed to 'truthiness.'
Terry Gross. I would rush home from high school to listen to Terry Gross.
As you know, the thing that I know the least about is the topic of sports.
I actually own a copy of my own book; that's how dedicated I am as an author.
A lot of my time is spent reading antique or out-of-print books of reference.
This is one of the defining sorrows of books: that we cannot see one another.
Just because you see an iceberg does not mean that there isn't global warming.
My candidacy is a compelling argument for my candidacy. I want to be President.
My type of humor is me not caring whether people know what I'm talking about or not.
Hosting a TV show is a full-time job in which success is defined by it never ending.
What would I put in a museum? Probably a museum! That's an amusing relic of our past.
All I can ask from society is that it please stop telling me why I should like sports.
John Wilkes Booth and Lee Harvey Oswald meet in hell and team up to assassinate Satan.
Everything we make in life, eventually, is sold for a dollar or a penny or given away.
I am not beautiful, so I don't know why I'm making myself ugly. But the mustache stays.
As a live stand-up comedy performer, I have the benefit of choosing real entrance music.
Truth may be stranger than fiction, goes the old saw, but it is never as strange as lies.
Most people presume my mustache is not real because it's much darker than my regular hair.
I would be good for maybe not the center square but an upper square on 'Hollywood Squares.'
I used to enjoy the anonymity of being a literary figure and occasionally a public radio figure.
I would say aside from Moxie soda bottles and Masonic artifacts, there's nothing I really collect.
I think for the foreseeable future, the truth is going to be awful and funny all at the same time.
Any time you try to create an Internet meme, automatic fail. That's like the worst thing you can do.
A stopped clock is correct twice a day, but a sundial can be used to stab someone, even at nighttime.
Americans don't need a metaphor for war. We have war. If anything, we use war as a metaphor for sports.
To want to become the President is, I think, such a bizarre ambition that it is automatically deranging.
Elwyn Brooks White was a very Maine personality which is, "I hate everyone and everyone stay away from me."
I believe that the federal government should be laying down broadband like Eisenhower laid down interstates.
Comedy does offer an avenue to television and film careers for untelegenic people that great drama does not.
Well, I always had this desire to celebrate and somehow be a part of things that I thought were really great.
There's a tradition in American fiction that is deadly serious and earnest - like the Steinbeckian social novel.