Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I live very gently.
Fact about me - I love jumping over/into things.
In my early years doing standup, I bombed a lot.
My aesthetic is, in short, 'cool substitute teacher.'
I don't want to have to be a teacher so I can be a comedian.
Nonresidents have a tendency to rush their visits to Harlem.
I never assume anyone will see or like things I do, honestly!
I love Boston, and I had a very lovely childhood in Massachusetts.
I drink iced coffee nearly every morning and many afternoons year-round.
'Are you sure you're going to be warm enough?' is a question I get a lot.
'The Big Lebowski' gave me my first false sense of intellectual superiority.
Big romantic gestures are only as strong as the relationships they happen in.
A standup set ends on a buildup of tension and subsequent release for a big laugh.
I tweeted that Tom Brady's politics are 'garbage,' which may have been hyperbolic.
I like comedy that's very specific and isn't afraid to lose people through its specificity.
Often, when I leave the house, I dress for comfort. On my better days, I shoot for 'matching.'
What I try to do, what I attempt to do, is say things that I mean at least at an emotional level.
I'm a big fan of saying the thing that is not necessarily sincere or earnest, but definitely honest.
A vest is just a totem reminding you that some people dress well, and you can be one of those people.
I've always been very un-fun. I'm a habit person. I have a very weak version of an addictive personality.
I'm skinny, but a soft skinny. I have strong legs, but my arms are like pea pods with single peas for elbows.
As a kid, I always loved Mel Brooks' stuff - 'The 2,000 Year Old Man' record was something my dad put me onto.
Along with 'Wet Hot American Summer' and 'The Room,' 'Lebowski' belongs in the canon of nouveau cult classics.
I grew up in the Boston suburbs and inherited a stubborn New England refusal to acknowledge frigid temperatures.
A vest, as a clothing item, always makes a statement, but depending on context, those declarations vary a great deal.
I don't court haters. I don't thrive on people not liking things that I do. I treat people the way I want to be treated.
It's a very lovely reputation to have - being a kind person. I try to live up to the fact that people think that about me.
For many comedians, two common anxiety triggers include performing in front of family members and doing brand new material.
Sure, sometimes I get teased for being the guy who likes everything, but I don't think of myself as someone apart from this world.
I have - and this isn't a thing I talk about often - a decent set of legs. There's an unexpected musculature that lends them a healthy shape.
I broke my wrist at summer camp playing a game called 'volleybat,' which was baseball but with a volleyball. It is as dangerous as it sounds.
I value niceness. But now, as a grown person, I value goodness above that. Because niceness doesn't change anything, and goodness changes things.
Ludacris albums are all over the map in terms of overall quality, but as a rapper, he tops out as a hilarious, charismatic guy with a singular voice.
I played sports because I think it's mandatory in the greater Boston area regardless of your aptitude. It's like, well, what else would you be doing?
I think the term 'Twitter comedian' can seem like a pejorative because it's not a job, really, and there's such a low barrier for entry to get started.
The modern ease of catfishing has had the tangential effect of growing a cottage industry of websites offering the services of fake Internet girlfriends.
I had a Screech-from-'Saved by the Bell' kind of vibe in that I hung out with people and had friends while having, like, big, curly hair and being generally a dork.
I don't consider myself a nerd; I consider myself a dork more. I'm closer to a dork, if anything, just because I'm not good at stuff. I'm more like a failed non-nerd.
I grew up in Stoneham, a little suburb of Boston. It's pronounced 'Stone 'em' because Massachusetts doesn't bend to the will of 'how letters are supposed to be said.'
Although my grandmother was a strict parent and abided my grandfather's kosher diet, as a Nana, she had grown away from religion and was almost unbelievably permissive.
Why is it okay to write a work of literary fiction where horrible, explicit things happen, where you can't write a book of humor where silly, explicit things are happening?
I try to be kind, and I try to reflect that in my comedy, but I'm also incredibly bad at being mean. I can't pull it off effectively, so I always end up reverting back to politeness.
I don't resent at all people saying, 'Oh, he's like a sweetheart'... but within comedy, it's a very funny way to talk about someone because it usually means they don't have much of an act.
Even under the best circumstances, speaking at your own wedding ceremony is a high pressure endeavor. What even constitutes a vow? I always picture them as exclamations you bellow at the sky.
I remember, when I was a kid, my dad would subscribe to the BMG Music Club, and we got that initial 12 CDs for a penny... I think it was cassettes. Eight CDs or 12 cassettes, something like that.
I feel like, in Boston, I was a little too complacent. I could get on stage when I wanted. I didn't feel like I was pushing myself. I could get work in New England and not have to travel too much.
Given that I often wear shorts with a T-shirt, baseball cap, and backpack most days, a crew-neck shirt gives me the appearance of an undercover cop on the way to a sting operation at a summer camp.
I always loved jokes. It's such a dumb, facile thing to say, but it's true. I remember being a kid and getting those joke books from the Scholastic Book Club and loving comedy from a very young age.
Especially when I'm heckled, that's a sticky situation because I don't defuse it... I really envy guys who have a grittier onstage presence and can really go after someone. I used to teach preschool.
I appreciate how central religion is in the lives other people, but it has never resonated with me. I imagine this is how lots of people feel about things I love, like rap music or, it turns out, sports.