Quotes by Kathy Griffin - Page 2

I'm also doing a special for Comedy Central called Autobiography. It's going to be a spoof of Biography.
Kathy Griffin / Actress
Autobiography
Biographies
Comedy
Special
Spoof
Biography
Central
Comedy Central
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I also don't have a desire to be on the A-list. I feel more people can relate to the D-list than the A-list.
Kathy Griffin / Actress
Desire
Lists
People
Relate
More People
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The thing that bums me out about 'The Real World' is I don't want to believe that teenagers are that stupid.
Kathy Griffin / Actress
Real
Real World
Stupid
Teenager
Bums
World Believe Me
Teenagers
The Real World
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My friend Anderson Cooper is the scion of one of America's great shipping and railroad families, the Vanderbilts.
Kathy Griffin / Actress
America
Railroads
Shipping
Vanderbilt
Anderson
Cooper
My Friend
Railroad
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I have friends who are going through chemotherapy, and they make the darkest, most hideous cancer jokes you've ever heard.
Kathy Griffin / Actress
Apologizing
Cancer
Chemotherapy
Hideous
Darkest
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I certainly immerse myself in as many crazy Hollywood events as I can because you never know where you can pick up material.
Kathy Griffin / Actress
Crazy
Events
Hollywood
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I did feel very sexy and desirable. Those prisoners looked at me like no man ever did. I don't care how many people they killed.
Kathy Griffin / Actress
Men
People
Sexy
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When I'm going to see a comedian, I don't want to see them hold back, and when I'm reading a book, I don't want to hear an abridged version.
Kathy Griffin / Actress
Book
Comedian
Reading
Version
Hold
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I do feel I'm kind of a magnet for crazy, and if there isn't enough crazy, I will insert myself in a situation that I feel has comedy potential.
Kathy Griffin / Actress
Comedy
Crazy
Kind
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I'll be honest, there's a part of me that does think I'm held to a different standard than my contemporaries and peers, and it's a little frustrating.
Kathy Griffin / Actress
Different
Doe
Frustrating
Honest
Peers
Thinking
Contemporaries
Held
Standard
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There's one thing that's really great about waking up early, and it's not jogging or greeting the day - it's just that that's when they make doughnuts.
Kathy Griffin / Actress
Funny
Up Early
Witty
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I apologize in my real life all the time. I say ridiculous things, I make mistakes constantly. But when I'm on stage, I'm at a microphone... it's a joke!
Kathy Griffin / Actress
Real Life
Microphone
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I hate it, it is tedious... when I write for my act, it is very improvisational, I write bullet points, I cannot sit in front of a computer; that is not my style.
Kathy Griffin / Actress
Computer
Hate
Style
Writing
Bullet
Improvisational
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Oh, I constantly say things that I regret. I mortify myself constantly. But that's just part of the deal. I'm not really sure what's going to come out of my mouth.
Kathy Griffin / Actress
I Regret
Mouths
Regret
Constantly
Mortify
Mouth
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The thing that cracks me up is how these reality characters start out thrilled and excited just to be on television, and how they move to thinking they are as big as the Friends.
Kathy Griffin / Actress
Character
Cracks
Moving
Reality
Thrilled
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A lot of celebrities, especially when you're talking about the really big ones, live in what I call the fame bubble. Nobody ever says no to them or challenges them or even teases them.
Kathy Griffin / Actress
Challenges
Fame
Talking
Big Ones
Bubble
Celebrities
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Pretty much everywhere I go, I'm pretty much thinking I'm going to be bounced. I am still the outsider who snuck into the party. I identify with the regular person, because that is who I am.
Kathy Griffin / Actress
Party
Thinking
Who I Am
Everywhere
Identify
Regular
Regular Person
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I prefer being known for my stand-up because I write it. I love being an actor, and saying other people's words is great. But then, when I do stand-up, I love getting my own point of view out there.
Kathy Griffin / Actress
Love Is
Point Of View
Views
Writing
Prefer
Love Great View
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I prefer big Oprah. I know Oprah wants to be skinny Oprah, but her head is too gigantic to fit on a skinny body. She has to accept that, like Kirstie Alley, she was meant to be... ahm... voluptuous!
Kathy Griffin / Actress
Body
Want
Were Meant To Be
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I have a no-apology policy. No apologies for jokes. I apologize in my real life all the time. I say ridiculous things, I make mistakes constantly. But when I'm on stage, I'm at a microphone it's a joke!
Kathy Griffin / Actress
Apology
Mistake
Real
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I have a no-apology policy. No apologies for jokes. I apologize in my real life all the time. I say ridiculous things, I make mistakes constantly. But when I'm on stage, I'm at a microphone... it's a joke!
Kathy Griffin / Actress
Apology
Real Life
Apologize
Joke
Microphone
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It is a challenge, with the global fame, to try to act like I put my pants on one leg at a time, when in fact I have Pippa Middleton help me put my pants on every morning. She's my lady-in-waiting as well.
Kathy Griffin / Actress
Morning
Challenges
Fame
Pants
Waiting
Time Morning Me
Leg
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I'm not somebody who no matter where I go there are paparazzi or any of that nonsense. But I have a little window into that world and I can enter it and dance around. I want to be the audience's ticket into the party.
Kathy Griffin / Actress
Nonsense
Paparazzi
Party
Tickets
Window
World
Ticket
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I am what you call a non-believer. I don't even want to say I'm an atheist because frankly I don't want to join their club either. But the point is, I am a fallen catholic, I'm not religious, and that's all well and good.
Kathy Griffin / Actress
Atheist
Catholic
Religious
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Well, I think that when I perform on the road I always thank the audience for buying a ticket because it's a big deal to buy a ticket for a live entertainment, get a baby-sitter and pay for the meal, the parking, whatever.
Kathy Griffin / Actress
Baby
Big Deal
Buying
Entertainment
Parking
Thinking
Meal
Thank
Ticket
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I love doing [stand-up]. I love making people laugh no matter how. Whether it's a commercial, or a TV show, or a reality show, or a talk show, or a special, or a book. However I can make people laugh, that's what I want to do.
Kathy Griffin / Actress
Book
Reality
Tv Shows
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Do you remember a little phenom called step aerobics? If you do, then you know how crazy it was to take two ninety-minute classes in a row. It’s incredible that I didn’t die from a blunt injury to the back of my head from slipping on my own pool of sweat.
Kathy Griffin / Actress
Class
Crazy
Sweat
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I can criticize your religion all I want, and you can criticize mine. I don't like this whole climate of, 'You can't ever say anything bad about the group I'm in, cause every group is untouchable.' We can all criticize each other and engage in debate all we want.
Kathy Griffin / Actress
Climate
Groups
Say Anything
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Well, the coffeehouse audiences never know what they're going to get, and all the comics are different, as opposed to when you go to a club, and they're pretty much all telling jokes with set-ups and punchlines. Coffeehouse audiences are the most forgiving: They really listen, which is the best part.
Kathy Griffin / Actress
Clubs
Different
Forgiving
Best Part
Best Never Know
Opposed
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The great thing about celebrity culture is that they can't seem to stop themselves from displaying their ridiculous behaviour. I feel it's my job as a serious investigative journalist to witness all kinds of behaviour and then report back to the audience through the prism of my own anger and bitterness.
Kathy Griffin / Actress
Anger
Jobs
Audience
Behaviour
Bitterness
Celebrity Culture
Journalist
My Own
Serious
Witness
Job
Report
Displaying
Great Thing
Investigative
Prism
Seem
Themselves
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Most people unfamiliar with the men in a new town might search for love until they find it. I picked out some guy on my second day in LA, who worked at the local bicycle shop, and handed my virginity to him. “You can fill a tire? Sounds good to me. Let's call it a date.” Needless to say he wasn't Mr. Right.
Kathy Griffin / Actress
Men
Mr Right
People
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When my pals in high school were starting to drink, it always looked unappealing to me. I would be at a big party and see one of the popular girls or football players completely wasted and puking and acting a fool, and think to myself, there is nothing cool about that. I never wanted to be that out of control.
Kathy Griffin / Actress
Girl
Football
Party
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I believe fully in making fun of children. I believe very strongly that you should never make fun of an embryo or your ovaries. I am a big believer on breaking those rules. It's a case-by-case basis. But the thing is, there's so many ways to make a joke about something that is sort of maybe verboten or something.
Kathy Griffin / Actress
Believe
Children
Fun
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I was a soccer cheerleader. It doesn't get nerdier than that. I was fired from the soccer cheerleading squad after one year, which I believe to this day is unprecedented. You have to understand, no one went to the soccer games. In fact, I believe part of my duties as a cheerleader was to bake brownies for the team.
Kathy Griffin / Actress
Cheerleading
Soccer
Team
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I grew up in Chicago and was a huge fan of 'The Second City', so when I moved to L.A., I was looking for anything that resembled that... then I started 'The Groundlings', so I went to a show and it was very much like 'Second City'. I was so impressed that that same night I went backstage and I went up to the funniest person there.
Kathy Griffin / Actress
Chicago
Cities
Impressed
Night
Second City
Backstage
Funniest
Huge Fan
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I am an outsider looking in, absolutely. You're not going to see me at the Academy Awards 'Vanity Fair' party any time soon. I'm not somebody who, no matter where I go, there are paparazzi or any of that nonsense. But I have a little window into that world, and I can enter it and dance around. I want to be the audience's ticket into the party.
Kathy Griffin / Actress
Academy Awards
Awards
Nonsense
Paparazzi
Vanity Fair
Window
Time World I Am
Ticket
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Why would you want to keep the bluebird houses mounted in a place that you now know is unsafe for them? Bluebirds are not ornaments for pictures, they are living things that deserve your best effort if you are going to be a landlord to them. There is no magic spell that will protect those bluebirds--they have to depend on you or they are doomed.
Kathy Griffin / Actress
Best Effort
House
Magic
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Phoenix is great. I love Phoenix, .. I love Scottsdale. I love the James Hotel. I have a Kathy Griffin suite. I love -what's that place called? AZ 88. I had never had a cheese crisp, so I went to - oh, can't remember. We went to the State Fair, where I was all about the deep-fried Twinkie. I ate every deep-fried thing - oh, it was heavenly. I ate until I got sick.
Kathy Griffin / Actress
Cheese
Phoenix
Sick
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Kathy Griffin Quotes - Page 2

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