Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
We can tell that a good name is better than riches by those who prefer the riches.
We like little children, because they tear out as soon as they get what they want.
Some people are so sensitive that they feel snubbed if an epidemic overlooks them.
I never saw an athletic girl that thought she was strong enough to do indoor work.
Ther's still a few honest folks left but they never seem t' find anything you lose.
Most parents don't worry about a daughter until she fails to show up for breakfast.
The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.
A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.
A never-failing way to get rid of a fellow is to tell him something for his own good.
Gossip is vice enjoyed vicariously - the sweet, subtle satisfaction without the risk.
The election is not very far off when a candidate can recognize you across the street.
The fellow that calls you 'brother' usually wants something that doesn't belong to him.
One of the commonest ailments of the present day is the premature formation of opinion.
Don't a fellow feel good after he gets out of a store where he nearly bought something.
It isn't enough for you to love money - it's also necessary that money should love you.
When a fellow says, 'It ain't the money but the principle of the thing,' it's the money.
It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.
Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he's overcharging you.
It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.
University: ... a place where rich men send their sons who have no aptitude for business.
Peace has its victories no less than war, but it doesn't have as many monuments to unveil.
I don't know of anything better than a woman if you want to spend money where it will show.
It ain't a bad plan to keep still occasionally even when you know what you're talking about.
The man who says "I may be wrong, but--" does not believe there can be any such possibility.
My idea of walking into the jaws of death is marrying some woman who has lost three husbands.
Only one fellow in ten thousand understands the currency question, and we meet him every day.
There ought t'be some way t'eat celery so it wouldn't sound like you wuz steppin' on a basket.
There is nothing so aggravating as a fresh boy who is too old to ignore and too young to kick.
If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest.
One of the commonest mistakes is thinking your worries are over when your children get married.
It's going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth once they inherit it.
There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it?
Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.
The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.
No matter how much strong black coffee we drink, almost any after- dinner speech will counteract it.
Another bad thing about "prosperity" is that you can't jingle any money without being under suspicion
A fellow ought to save a few of the long evenings he spends with his girl till after they're married.
It don't make no difference what is is, a woman'll buy anything she thinks a store is losin' money on.
I don't look for much to come out of government ownership as long as we have Democrats and Republicans.
About the only thing we have left that actually discriminates in favor of the plain people is the stork.
After a fellow gets famous it doesn't take long for someone to bob up that used to sit by him in school.
There is plenty of peace in any home where the family doesn't make the mistake of trying to get together.
When a woman says, 'I don't wish to mention any names', it means it ain't necessary to mention any names.
If there's any literary ability in a feller, getting fired out of a good government job will bring it out.
A sadder but wiser man is a thousand times more agreeable to meet than the feller that never makes a mistake.
Never tell the box-office man that you can't hear well or he will sell you a seat where you can't see either.
"Why doesn't the fellow who says, "I'm no speechmaker," let it go at that instead of giving a demonstration? "
When you consider what a chance women have to poison their husbands, it's a wonder there isn't more of it done
Litigation: A form of hell whereby money is transferred from the pockets of the proletariat to that of lawyers.
I'll say this for adversity: people seem to be able to stand it, and that's more than I can say for prosperity.