Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
If I should ever die, God forbid, I hope you will say, 'Kurt is up in heaven now.' That's my favorite joke.
So let's give another big tax cut to the super-rich. That'll teach bin Laden a lesson he won't soon forget.
The bounties of space, of infinite outwardness, were three: empty heroics, low comedy, and pointless death.
If I wrote something that hadn't really happened, and I tried to sell it, I could go to jail. That's fraud!
You meet saints everywhere. They can be anywhere. They are people behaving decently in an indecent society.
You should be careful about who you pretend to be, because who you pretend to be - is actually who you are!
... humanity deserved to die horribly, since it had behaved so cruelly and wastefully on a planet so sweet.
I learned how to make jokes because I wanted to give people as much fun as they did, and I guess I did, too.
Anyone unable to understand how useful religion can be founded on lies will not understand this book either.
His response was to fight it with the only weapons at hand—passive resistance and open displays of contempt.
If you are an American, you must allow all ideas to circulate freely in your community, not merely your own.
All time is all time. It does not change. It does not lend itself to warnings or explanations. It simply is.
One of [ways being lucky] was to go to school during the Great Depression because teaching became a plum job.
Human beings will believe in all kinds of things that aren't true, and that's okay. And TV is a part of that.
But he is tired. He puts the pistol to his head again. He says, “I never asked to be born in the first place.
My own feeling is that if adultery is wickedness then so is food. Both make me feel so much better afterward.
Love is where you find it. I think it is foolish to go looking for it, and I think it can often be poisonous.
The big trouble with dumb bastards is that they are too dumb to believe there is such a thing as being smart.
We're terrible animals. I think that the Earth's immune system is trying to get rid of us, as well it should.
Our awareness is all that is alive and maybe sacred in any of us. Everything else about us is dead machinery.
She broke my heart. I didn't like that much. But that was the price. In this world, you get what you pay for.
The highest possible form of treason is to say that Americans aren’t loved wherever they go, whatever they do.
Oh, sure, we have another world war coming, and another great depression, but where are the leaders this time?
My god-life! who can understand eve one little minute of it? 'don't try' he said 'just pretend you understand.
A lot of people were opposed to it. A lot of people were for it. I myself think about it as little as possible.
Or they'll talk about fear, which we used to call politics- job politics, social politics, government politics.
What the Gospels actually said was: don't kill anyone until you are absolutely sure they aren't well connected.
I've got news for Mr. Santayana: we're doomed to repeat the past no matter what. That's what it is to be alive.
Doesn't anything socialistic make you want to throw up? Like great public schools, or health insurance for all?
Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops.
Here was what Kilgore Trout cried out to me in my father's voice: "Make me young, make me young, make me young!
What is the purpose of life?...To be the eyes and ears and conscience of the Creator of the Universe, you fool!
There is this feeling that I have a destiny far away from the shallow and preposterous posing that is our life.
That is my principal objection to life, I think: It's too easy, when alive, to make perfectly horrible mistakes.
Freud said he didn't know what women wanted. I know what women want. They want a whole lot of people to talk to.
The surface of Earth heaved and seethed in fecund restlessness. Earth was most fertile where the most death was.
Homo Americanus is going to go on speaking and writing the way he always has, no matter what dictionary he owns.
The truth is, we know so little about life, we don't really know what the good news is and what the bad news is.
Just because you can read, write and do a little math, doesn't mean that you're entitled to conquer the universe.
New knowledge is the most valuable commodity on earth. The more truth we have to work with, the richer we become.
I think big business is a terrible thing for the spirit of the country, as our spirit is the best thing about us.
I let the dog out, or I let him in, and we talk some. I let him know I like him, and he lets me know he likes me.
profanity and obscenity entitle people who don't want unpleasant information to close their ears and eyes to you.
Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter could be said to remedy anything.
Shrapnel was invented by an Englishman of the same name. Don't you wish you could have something named after you?
Being a Humanist means trying to behave decently without expectation of rewards or punishment after you are dead.
Some jerk infected the Internet with an outright lie. It shows how easy it is to do and how credulous people are.
Luck is not the hand of God.... Luck is the way the wind swirls and the dust settles eons after God has passed by.
You say what you have to say. But you have to learn to say it in such a way that the reader can see what you mean.
Historians in the future, in my opinion, will congratulate us on very little other than our clowning and our jazz.