Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Noblest of all dogs is the hot-dog; it feeds the hand that bites it.
A pessimist is a man who looks both ways when he crosses the street.
My problem is I say what I'm thinking before I think what I'm saying.
Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.
A man doesn't know what he knows until he knows what he doesn't know.
Competition in academia is so vicious because the stakes are so small.
There are two kinds of egotists: Those who admit it, and the rest of us
The devil could change. He was once an angel and may be evolving still.
May your happiest days of the past be your saddest days of your future.
Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
A free press is one that prints a dictator's speech but doesn't have to.
A true friend will see you through when others see that you are through.
The man who is always waving the flag usually waives what it stands for.
There are two kinds of egotists: Those who admit it, and the rest of us.
As the farmer said, "I'm not greedy, all I want is the land next to mine.
An optimist is one who makes the best of it when he gets the worst of it.
Egypt: Where the Israelites would still be if Moses had been a bureaucrat.
There are two sorts of losers - the good loser, and the one who can't act.
In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence.
The surest sign that you haven't any sense is to argue with one who hasn't.
Heredity is what sets the parents of a teenager wondering about each other.
In most hierarchies, supercompetence is more objectionable than incompetence.
When a person puts his best foot forward and gets it stepped on, that's life.
Middle age is when anything new in the way you feel is most likely a symptom.
Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.
Only mediocrities rise to the top in a system that won't tolerate wave making.
Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent.
If you don't know where you're going, you will probably end up somewhere else.
If at first you don't succeed, you may be at your level of incompetence already.
The cave-dweller's wife complained that he hadn't dragged her anywhere in months.
As a matter of fact is an expression that precedes many an expression that isn't.
Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder.
Humility is the embarrassment you feel when you tell people how wonderful you are.
Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.
Political success is the ability, when the inevitable occurs, to get credit for it.
You don't need to take a persons advice to make him feel good, just ask him for it.
An optimist expects his dreams to come true; a pessimist expects his nightmares to.
Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings.
Every man serves a useful purpose: a miser, for example, makes a wonderful ancestor.
Marriage is a good deal like taking a bath-not so hot once you get accustomed to it.
It is wise to remember that you are one of those who can be fooled some of the time.
There are some men who in a fifty-fifty proposition insist on getting the hyphen too.
It's better to have loved and lost than to have to do forty pounds of laundry a week.
There are more pretty photographs of women than there are photographs of pretty women.
Computers can solve all kinds of problems except the unemployment problem they create.
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor judge of distance.
Bureaucracy defends the status quo long past the time when the quo has lost its status.
Few of us ever test our powers of deduction, except when filling out an income tax form
The reason crime doesn't pay is that when it does, it is called a more respectable name.
Democracy is a process by which people are free to choose the man who will get the blame.