“ Television has changed the American child from an irresistable force to an immovable object. Laurence J. Peter
“ You know why dogs have no money? No pockets. 'Cause they see change on the street all the time and it's driving them crazy. When you're walking them, he is always looking up at you. "There's a quarter...." Jerry Seinfeld Comedian
“ All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable. Fran Lebowitz Author
“ I set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized, 'Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper.' The paper I used said, 'Happy Birthday.' I didn't want to waste it, so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it. Demetri Martin Comedian
“ As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied. Oscar Wilde Writer