Quotes by Laurie Notaro - Page 1

I'm nicer on tax day than I am when I'm on deadline.
Laurie Notaro / Writer
Deadline
Tax Day
Taxes
Tax
Nicer
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I have more faith in my bra than I have in my accountant.
Laurie Notaro / Writer
Accountants
Bras
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Bad boyfriends don't disguise themselves; their girlfriends do it for them.
Laurie Notaro / Writer
Bad Boy
Bad Boyfriend
Girlfriend
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Books are to me as homemade tattoos are to an inmate. Can't get enough of them.
Laurie Notaro / Writer
Love
Book
Tattoo
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I want a man as nice as my retarded dog, but one that doesn't crap on the floor.
Laurie Notaro / Writer
Men
Dog
Nice
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Small towns are sometimes like that; familiarity runs high, while regard for personal space is low, if nonexistent.
Laurie Notaro / Writer
Running
Space
Towns
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I bought an electric-powered chain saw with a plug-in cord so if I run away fast enough, you can only chase me so far.
Laurie Notaro / Writer
Running
Enough
Saws
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I've had to write a column an hour after I've come back from a funeral. A deadline is a deadline, I mean, that was just what my job was.
Laurie Notaro / Writer
Deadline
Funeral
Column
Hour
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Everyone knows there's only one thing less welcome on a stage than a mime, and that's a clown, because everyone knows that clowns eat people.
Laurie Notaro / Writer
Clown
People
Welcome
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If you really believe in what you're doing, work hard, take nothing personally and if something blocks one route, find another. Never give up.
Laurie Notaro / Writer
Hard
Nothing
Work Believe Nothing
Another
Blocks
Doing
Take
Find
Give
Never Give Up
Personally
Route
Work Hard
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If you really believe in what you're doing, work hard, take nothing personally, and if something blocks your route, find another. Never give up.
Laurie Notaro / Writer
Uplifting
Believe
Block
Giving Up
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My family were staunch believers in physical violence, not automatic violence, and we had a Safeway around the corner, so we never really needed to kill anything.
Laurie Notaro / Writer
My Family
Needed
Violence
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You're fighting a battle of good and evil with your dog pimp! Your only weapon is the shimmy! There is power in the shimmy! Make him fear your shimmy! Now, goddamnit, show me your war shimmy!
Laurie Notaro / Writer
War
Dog
Fighting
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I've never really considered doing stand up, but I have done readings/spoken word things fairly often in which I'll just tell a bunch of stories and run off at the mouth. I'm a big tangent person.
Laurie Notaro / Writer
Running
Bunch
Reading
Stories
Fairly
Considered
Mouth
Stand Up
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I could croak with no warning, and the only tragedy anyone would experience would be showing up on the last day of my estate sale simply to discover that all remaining items had copious amounts of dog hair on them.
Laurie Notaro / Writer
Dog
Hair
Tragedy
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Justin Halpern tosses lightning bolts of laughter out of his pocket like he is shooting dice in a back alley. In one sweep of a paragraph, he ranges from hysterical to disgusting to touching--and does it all seamlessly. Sh*t My Dad Says is a really, really funny book.
Laurie Notaro / Writer
Dad
Book
Laughter
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I majored in journalism at Arizona State University, where I began writing the columns I write now, but I cannot, in good conscience, refer to myself as a writer. I'm a columnist, maybe a journalist, I guess I'm an author, but writer... no. That's not up to me to call myself, that's rather lofty. It's for the reader to decide.
Laurie Notaro / Writer
Arizona
Conscience
Journalism
Lofty
Reader
University
Writing
Good Myself Me
Author
Columnist
Refer
State University
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Laurie Notaro Quotes - Page 1

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