Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I'm a firm believer of wine.
By laughing, it helps take our power back.
If you want to effect change, start small.
We live in a nation where corporations are people.
You can't solve a problem until you address the problem.
Whoever's president I'm not going to be short on material.
Good satire hopefully provides thought-provoking conversation.
The fact is, there's no such thing as "The Age of Abstinence."
Just talk about the issues that are impacting you and your friends.
Having an enemy that is visible out in the daylight is a good thing.
The second you realize you're not alienated, that makes you empowered.
Nebraska is proof that hell is full and the dead are walking the earth.
Every era in history has needed, and will need, reproductive health services.
Commit a little bit more to the world outside of your own life. Get people talking.
People being forced to get health care and the insurance companies making millions.
It just seems OK these days to throw women under the bus. Like we're a bargaining chip.
I'm not sure I'm okay with 2 guys gettin' married, but I don't wanna be a jerk about it.
This tornado is in Oklahoma so clearly it has been ordered to only target conservatives.
My curiosity is not a choice. It's always been part of me. I think of it as a vital organ.
Truth be told, when you start your career out as a clown, you don't consider yourself a writer.
It's always fun when somebody who you admire and respect is the voice - is your voice, as a viewer.
Opportunities present themselves to me. That's how my whole life has been pretty much. I've been lucky.
When you go out for drinks, tell people to bring in a news story that made them say "Oh my god." Talk about it.
You don't have to be famous. You just have to find your own coven of bad-asses that you trust and want to empower.
North Carolina is an amazing place. It has the best food, and also has folks fighting really hard for what's right.
I dropped out of college and I'm pretty much a self-educated person, so a lot of my core belief system comes from life.
The political satirist usually votes against their own interests, but the bottom line is that it doesn't really matter.
I'm Catholic. My mother and I were unpacking and she found my diaphragm. I had to tell her it was a bathing cap for my cat.
By some fluke, my folks forgot to ask me the question most crucial to ensuring a lifetime of self-doubt: 'What if you fail?
One of the first things Catholic school taught me is that babies were born sinners. You sucked before you took your first breath.
We've got a deeply flawed political system with an insane overreaching extremist element, with a Supreme Court that is completely loony.
I suppose the difference between baby people and me is that I do not consider smiling while farting 'holding up your end of a conversation.
Really life is about narcissism; no one is ever thinking about you much. You always think people are thinking about you way more than they are.
I feel like the world has just become a polyester suit that's smoldering, melting, and at some point we have to figure out how to extinguish it.
If you are very religious, and your religion teaches you that conception equals a baby, I don't know how I'm ever going to win you over to my side.
Write a smart joke and people want to talk about it and keep the dialogue going. Also, if you can make someone laugh, it's a pronouncement that they like you on some level.
We raise awareness and drop information about access and laws into pop culture spaces through making videos and through live events. That's like fifty percent of what we do.
And home pregnancy tests? They are so last century. Nowadays, I think there's an app that calls your iPhone to warn you that if you finish that third cosmo, you may wind up with a wombmate.
In an odd way, my parents were proud of me. When they saw me do stand-up, I'd see them looking around the room and watch them taking in the people laughing. On some level, that comforted them.
There are people that say you should never use humor to talk about anything that's important or hard, and since I don't believe that, at some point there has to be a level of "agree to disagree."
I do a lot of reading of news so I can be smarter, and I do a lot of watching TV news so I can know why Americans aren't very smart. Then I can point out the hypocrisy of politicians or the media.
I've always considered myself a feminist, I always considered myself somebody who is a reproductive rights activist, and I've spent the past 25 years of my life speaking truth to power. And using humor to do that.
Nowadays everybody's a feminist - male, female, trans. Gender's so passé they don't even care anymore. They know what equal rights are, they know what it's about, and everybody is standing toe-to-toe strong about it and really fighting.
If you're a woman and you've decided to step in front of people on any kind of platform and say that you have feelings about anything, you are committing a radical act. People view it as such, so you might as well actually commit a radical act.
To really start talking about a narrative where there's no good abortion or bad abortion; there's only the abortion that you need, I think that message is really resonating and changing the landscape of how we talk about it. We're really moving forward.
Since we are made up of comedians and filmmakers and writers and improvisers, we have the unique opportunity to bring joy to people who are sometimes buried in their own lives or are subjected to the bullshit that clinic workers are subjected to every day.
There's plenty of ways you can go and encourage people. And you should do that. But don't demonize what you do, I do, what other comics are doing, when you see people showing up and listening and responding because they've heard the messaging in the new kind of way.
I had self-doubt about whether my story was interesting to people. I didn't want to write something that was anecdotal. It was important to me that people would get something out of my book. I want people to read it and say, "Now I don't feel so alone," or "I'm going to remember that next time I'm being an asshole."
I think the craziest thing I heard, and this guy's not even nominated, he's from Texas...he said there's no reason that women shouldn't carry a stillborn baby to term, and that it's an excuse to have an abortion if she doesn't want to. She should just let nature take its course from start to finish. Literally forcing birth of a fetus that died in the womb.
Unless you can point to something that I have done or said that has changed the course of the public opinion in a negative way, you've got to check yourself sometimes and say, "Maybe I don't like the way that this thing is said, but it's expanding tolerance." If I said something that was shutting down something that was positive, call me out, but I don't really see me doing that.