Quotes by Mike Royko - Page 1 | QuoteForever

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God tipped the country and all the fruits and nuts rolled west.
Mike Royko / Columnist
Country
Nuts
West
Fruits
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Hollywood likes to boast that it can elevate the national conscience.
Mike Royko / Columnist
Boast
Conscience
Hollywood
Likes
Elevate
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When Michael Jordan quit, I suddenly found myself without a sports hero.
Mike Royko / Columnist
Sports
Hero
Jordan
Michael
Michael Jordan
Quit
Suddenly
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When I asked him how long he had been driving a taxi, he said, Dree mouse.
Mike Royko / Columnist
Driving
Long
Said
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Anyone who contributes to the defense fund of pornographers is a mental moonbeam.
Mike Royko / Columnist
Defense
Fund
Moonbeams
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A Pessimist sees the glass as half empty; A Cub Fan wonders when it's gonna spill.
Mike Royko / Columnist
Fans
Glasses
Half
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Contrary to popular belief. It's much wiser to take money from the poor than the rich.
Mike Royko / Columnist
Belief
Contrary
Poor
Rich
Wiser
Money Rich Poor
Popular
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For some people, being free means being free to keep their feet on someone else's chest.
Mike Royko / Columnist
Feet
Mean
People
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Hating the Yankees is as American as pizza pie, unwed mothers, and cheating on your income tax.
Mike Royko / Columnist
Inspiring
Baseball
Cheating
Income
Income Tax
Mothers Day
Pie
Pizza
Yankees
Tax
Hating
Mothers
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Hollywood has always been political. They consider it their right and duty to tell us what is politically good and right.
Mike Royko / Columnist
Duty
Hollywood
Political
Good Always Political
Consider
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It's much harder to be a liberal than a conservative. Why? Because it is easier to give someone the finger than a helping hand.
Mike Royko / Columnist
Giving
Hands
Helping Others
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It's been my policy to view the Internet not as an 'information highway,' but as an electronic asylum filled with babbling loonies.
Mike Royko / Columnist
Bipolar
Lunatic Asylums
Views
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It's been my policy to view the Internet not as an 'information highway', but as an electronic asylum filled with babbling loonies.
Mike Royko / Columnist
Computers
Babbling
Filled
Information
Internet
Policy
Asylum
Been
Electronic
Highway
View
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Anyone who gives a surgeon six thousand dollars for breast augmentation should give some thought to investing a little more in brain augmentation.
Mike Royko / Columnist
Brain
Dollars
Giving
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There is only one way to solve the alleged crisis of the erosion of 'family values.' And that is to get right down to the root cause of the problem.
Mike Royko / Columnist
Crisis
Erosion
Family Values
Roots
Solve
Way
Alleged
Only One Way
Root
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Hollywood is right. A good and strong movie can have a more powerful social impact than any and all political speeches or newspaper editorials and columns.
Mike Royko / Columnist
Columns
Impact
Powerful
Strong
Newspaper
Speeches
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Newspapers, magazines and other publications have the constitutional right to be offensive, even disgusting. As evidence of that, just watch this space regularly.
Mike Royko / Columnist
Space
America
Watches
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Show me somebody who is always smiling, always cheerful, always optimistic, and I will show you somebody who hasn't the faintest idea what the heck is really going on.
Mike Royko / Columnist
Optimistic
Cheerful
Ideas
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Reagan's approach will achieve one of the basic goals of the conservative: Things remain basically the same. The rich stay rich and the poor stay poor, or even a little poorer.
Mike Royko / Columnist
Approach
Conservative
Goal
Littles
Basic
Poorer
Remain
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It's no coincidence that female interest in the sport of baseball has increased greatly since the ballplayers swapped those wonderful old-time baggy flannel uniforms for leotards.
Mike Royko / Columnist
Sports
Baseball
Female
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I never went to a John Wayne movie to find a philosophy to live by or to absorb a profound message. I went for the simple pleasure of spending a couple of hours seeing the bad guys lose.
Mike Royko / Columnist
Movie
Bad Guys
Couple
Hours
Philosophy
Pleasure
Profound
Seeing
Simple
Spending
Wayne
Absorb
Guys
John
To Live By
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If God dislikes gays so much, how come he picked Michelangelo, a known homosexual, to paint the Sistine Chapel ceiling while assigning Anita Bryant to go on television and push orange juice?
Mike Royko / Columnist
Ceilings
Gay
Orange
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The subject of criminal rehabilitation was debated recently in City Hall. It's an appropriate place for this kind of discussion because the city has always employed so many ex-cons and future cons.
Mike Royko / Columnist
Appropriate
Cities
City Hall
Criminals
Discussion
Employed
Rehabilitation
Cons
Criminal
Debated
Hall
Recently
Subject
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Strict gun laws are about as effective as strict drug laws...It pains me to say this, but the NRA seems to be right: The cities and states that have the toughest gun laws have the most murder and mayhem.
Mike Royko / Columnist
Gun
Law
Pain
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Whether one eats a cat or not is a personal choice, and I don't want to sway anyone one way or another. But if you do, there is one obvious cooking tip: Always remember to remove the bell from the cat's collar before cooking.
Mike Royko / Columnist
Cat
Choices
Cooking
Obvious
Personal Choice
Remove
Bell
Choice
Collar
Always Remember Way
Eats
Sway
Tip
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Forty years ago, we were on the tail of the Front Page era. There was a different point of view. Reporters and editors were more forgiving of public people. They didn't think they had to stick someone in jail to make a career.
Mike Royko / Columnist
Editors
Forgiving
Forty
Jail
Point Of View
Reporters
Thinking
Views
Years
Years Ago
Forty Years
Front Page
Page
Stick
Tail
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It's unnatural for people to run around the city streets unless they are thieves or victims. It makes people nervous to see someone running. I know that when I see someone running on my street, my instincts tell me to let the dog go after him.
Mike Royko / Columnist
Running
Cities
Dog
People
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Why do you think the lottery is so popular? Do you think anybody would play if the super payoff was a job on the night shift in a meat-packing plant? People play it so if they win they can be rich and idle. Like I told you years ago - if work is so good, how come they have to pay us to do it?
Mike Royko / Columnist
Jobs
Night
Thinking
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In attacking the young, the liberal, and the black, Daley was in the mainstream of America's mass prejudices. The Democratic party may have suffered by his actions, but Daley came out...even more popular than before because bust their heads was the mood of the land and Daley had swung the biggest club.
Mike Royko / Columnist
America
Land
Party
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All that proves is that most of the world is too poor to build bowling alleys, golf courses, tennis courts and baseball fields. There's hundreds of millions of poor people out there who still ain't got indoor plumbing, but that don't mean there's something great about an outhouse. Soccer is boring. I've never seen a more boring sport.
Mike Royko / Columnist
Sports
Baseball
Soccer
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When I conducted a beer-rating session last year, I wrote that most American beers taste as if they were brewed through a horse. That offended many people in the American beer industry, as well as patriots who thought I was being subversive in praising foreign beers. I have just read a little-known study of American beers. So I must apologize to the horse. At least with a horse, we'd know what we're getting.
Mike Royko / Columnist
Beer
Horse
Years
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