Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Do you think my mind is maturing late, or simply rotted early?
Some people's money is merited and other people's is inherited.
Behold the Zebra on the plains, And shudder at his mighty manes!
Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.
To Tom Carlson or his dog-depending on whose taste it best suits.
When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window.
I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it.
Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.
Progress might have been all right once, but it's gone on too long.
My garden will never make me famous, I'm a horticultural ignoramus.
At another year I would not boggle Except that when I jog I joggle.
Only the gamefish swims upstream, But the sensible fish swims down.
He without benefit of scruples - His fun and money soon quadruples.
Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long.
Poets arent very usefulBecause they aren't consumeful or produceful.
When a lady's erotic life is vexed God knows what God is coming next.
Neath tile or thatch That man is rich Who has a scratch For every itch.
Home is heaven and orgies are vile, But I like an orgy, once in a while.
Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs.
You can take it as understood, That your luck changes only if it's good.
Indeed, everybody wants to be a wow, But not everybody knows exactly how.
I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers.
Any kiddie in school can love like a fool, But Hating, my boy, is an Art.
One bliss for which There is no match Is when you itch To up and scratch.
The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin.
He is not drunk, who from the floor, can rise and stand and shout for more
People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
Passivity can be a provoking modus operandi; Consider the Empire and Gandhi.
Beneath this slab John Brown is stowed. He watched the ads, And not the road.
Never befriend the oppressed unless you are prepared to take on the oppressor.
Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.
The burnt child, urged by rankling ire, Can hardly wait to get back at the fire.
The only way I can distinguish proper from improper fractions is by their actions
All husbands are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.
I am a conscientious man, when I throw rocks at seabirds I leave no tern unstoned.
It is the sin of omission, the second kind of sin, That lays eggs under your skin.
Why did the Lord give use so much quickness unless it was to avoid responsibility?
Nobody agrees with anybody else anyhow, but adults conceal it and infants show it.
Some tortures are physical And some are mental, But the one that is both Is dental.
Then blessings on thee, my afternoon torpor Thou makest a prince of a mental porpor.
Senescence begins And middle-age ends The day your descendants Outnumber your friends
The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control.
Every new year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?
Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive.
The song of canaries Never varies, And when they're moulting They're pretty revolting.
But children, hark! Your mother would rather, When you arrived, have been your father.
Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave, when they think that their children are naive.
Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, and that's what parents were created for.
Here lies my past, Goodbye I have kissed it; Thank you kids, I wouldn't have missed it.
The further through life I drift the more obvious it becomes that I am lacking in thrift.