Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
O thrice unhappy home Whose master doesn't know the difference between a watt and an ohm!
If you don't want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.
If you don't want to work, you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.
I don't care how unkind the things people say about me so long as they don't say them to my face.
Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them.
Some debts are fun while you are acquiring them, But none are fun when you set about retiring them.
The camel has a single hump, The dromedary, two; Or else the other way around; I'm never sure. Are you?
There has been a lot of progress during my lifetime, but I'm afraid it's heading in the wrong direction.
Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.
I'm like a backward berry, Unripened on the vine, For all my friends are fifty, And I'm only forty-nine.
Linguistics becomes an ever eerier area, like I feel like I'm in Oz, Just trying to tell it like it was.
Some one invented the telephone, And interrupted a nation's slumbers, Ringing wrong but similar numbers.
A cough is something that you yourself cant help, but everybody else does on purpose just to torment you.
Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force.
A husband is a man who two minutes after his head touches the pillow is snoring like an overloaded omnibus.
The dog is man's best friend. He has a tail on one end. Up in front he has teeth. And four legs underneath.
No matter how deep and dark your pit, how dank your shroud, their heads are heroically unbloody and unbowed.
And you stagger down to break your fast. Greasy bacon and lacquered eggs And coffee composed of frigid dregs.
A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.
Miranda in Miranda's sight is old, gray and dirty; Twenty-nine she was last night; This morning she is thirty.
One would be in less danger From the wiles of the stranger If one's own kin and kith Were more fun to be with.
A dressing is not a compote A dressing is not a custard It consists of pepper and salt, Vinegar, oil and mustard.
People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they don't want it.
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.
People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it.
I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, were it not for making living, which is rather a nouciance.
Middle-age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.
The sky is now indelible ink, The branches reft asunder; But you and I we do not shrink; We love the lovely thunder.
We love the kindly wind and hail, The jolly thunderbolt, We watch in glee the fairy trail Of ampere, watt, and volt.
Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.
I have an idea that the phrase weaker sex was coined by some woman to disarm some man she was preparing to overwhelm.
One rule which woe betides the banker who fails to heed it/Never lend any money to anybody unless they don't need it.
I have an idea that the phrase 'weaker sex' was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm.
I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, Were it not for making a living, which is rather a nouciance.
Maybe I couldn't be dafter, But I keep wondering if this time we settle our differences before a war instead of after.
A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.
Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying them without money?
And one of his partners asked Has he vertigo? and the other glanced out and down and said Oh no, only about ten feet more.
I drink because she nags, she said I nag because he drinks. But if the truth be known to you, He's a lush and she's a shrew.
Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.: That to be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is.
To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.
Basketball, a game which won't be fit for people until they set the basket umbilicus-high and return the giraffes to the zoo.
The door of a bigoted mind opens outwards so that the only result of the pressure of facts upon it is to close it more snugly.
There are two kinds of people who blow through life like a breeze, And one kind is gossipers, and the other kind is gossipees.
I think that I shall never see A billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all.
This is my dream, It is my own dream, I dreamt it. I dreamt that my hair was kempt. Then I dreamt that my true love unkempt it.
Don't over-analyze your marriage; it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing.
When I remember bygone days I think how evening follows morn So many I loved were not yet dead, So many I love were not yet born.
The codfish is a staple food For which I'm seldom in the mood. This fish is such an utter loss That people eat it with egg sauce.
There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all.