Flowers are happy things.

Golf is the Great Mystery.

Mere abuse is no criticism.

Routine is the death to heroism.

She's a sort of human vampire-bat

Alcohol is a misunderstood vitamin.

I expect I shall feel better after tea.

[I'm] as broke as the ten commandments.

She had more curves than a scenic railway

Bicky rocked, like a jelly in a high wind.

Oh, I don't know, you know, don't you know?

Red hair, sir, in my opinion, is dangerous.

Golf, like measles, should be caught young.

I just sit at a typewriter and curse a bit.

If he had a mind, there was something on it.

I always advise people never to give advice.

It is the bungled crime that brings remorse.

He was white and shaken, like a dry martini.

As a dancer, I out-Fred the nimblest Astaire.

Why do dachshunds wear their ears inside out?

When you're alone you don't do much laughing.

The trouble with cats is that they've got no tact.

I pity the shrimp that matches wits with you Jeeves

To find a man's true character, play golf with him.

Employers are like horses — they require management.

An apple a day, if well aimed, keeps the doctor away.

Comedy is the kindly contemplation of the incongruous.

He looks much more like a lobster than most lobsters do.

I started violently, as if some unseen hand had goosed me.

What is Love compared with holing out before your opponent?

Warm-hearted! I should think he has to wear asbestos vests!

Sober or blotto, this is your motto: keep muddling through.

Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.

Slice him where you like, a hellhound is always a hellhound.

Another of these strong silent men. The world is full of us.

In every romance you have to budget for the occasional dust-up.

You would not enjoy Nietzsche, sir. He is fundamentally unsound.

Gussie, a glutton for punishment, stared at himself in the mirror.

The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.

Well, you know, there are limits to the sacred claims of friendship.

Some minds are like soup in a poor restaurant—better left unstirred.

It is the glorious uncertainty of golf that makes it the game it is.

You can't be a successful Dictator and design women's underclothing.

the supply of the milk of human kindness was short by several gallons

the ice was not only broken; it was shivered into a million fragments

The test of a great golfer is his ability to recover from a bad start.

If men's minds were like dominoes, surely his would be the double blank.

A little bit added to what you've already got gives you a little bit more.

Whenever I have that sad, depressed feeling, I go out and kill a policeman.

So always look for the silver lining And try to find the sunny side of life.

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