Quotes by Spike Milligan - Page 2

I am afraid that, like Timon of Athens, I just cannot let go of my friendships.
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Athens
Afraid
Friendships
Let Go
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To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don't want you singing at my funeral.
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Funeral
Singing
Want
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Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Funny
Happiness
Hilarious
Life
Form
Misery
Pleasant
More
Does
Bring
Buy
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My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Jesus
Confused
Fathers Day
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General: Where are you from? Spike: London. General: Which part? Spike: ... Well, all of me.
Spike Milligan / Comedian
London
Wells
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Said Hamlet to Ophelia, I'll draw a sketch of thee. What kind of pencil shall I use? 2B or not 2B?
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Kind
Ophelia
Use
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The most difficult book I have ever read was a manual on the use of iron bangles by A.J. Thompson.
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Book
Iron
Use
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I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke.
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Laughing
Singing
Years
Joke
Harry
Spent
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There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they're ever so small That's why rain is thin.
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Holes
Rain
Sky
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For ten years Caesar ruled with an iron hand. Then with a wooden foot, and finally with a piece of string.
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Hands
Iron
Ten
Years
Caesar
Finally
Foot
Hand
Piece
Ruled
String
Ten Years
Wooden
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There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Time
Laughing
Three
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If a robin redbreast in a cage Puts all heaven in a rage, How feels heaven when Dies the billionth battery hen?
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Batteries
Heaven
Robins
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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Cows
India
Wife
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Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Funny
Doctors
Office
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Australia, Australia, we love you from the heart. The kidneys, the liver & the giblets too. And every other part.
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Science
Heart
Love You
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I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Reading
Should
Sonnet
Begin
Mine
Poem
Reads
Shakespeare
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I had stopped going to church the moment I joined the Regiment. No more could my mother nag me into God's presence.
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Church
Stopped
Joined
Nag
Presence
Regiment
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One important thing I recall about India was that it was quiet. It was never noisy in the way that life was noisy in London.
Spike Milligan / Comedian
London
Noisy
Quiet
Life Way Important
Important Thing
Recall
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When I get depressed, I try to get something for the terrible sadness that comes over me and create something in terms of poetry.
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Sadness
Depressed
Terms
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As I kept having episodes of depression, I realized that it was not a one-off: that I had, well, not a disease, really - more an illness.
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Disease
Episodes
Illness
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And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Boards
Connected
Electricity
Light
Said
Thursday
Waiting
Board
Wait
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You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Long
People
President
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Only on the third class tourist class passengers' deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Morning
Class
Tourists
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The night before Tilbury, the Cordon Bleu gourmet dinner turned out Cordon Brown. Six out of ten to the chef for trying and ten out of ten to us for eating it.
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Chef
Dinner
Eating
Gourmet
Six
Ten
Turned
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Driver Shepherd and I had been detailed to drive Lt. Budden in the Wireless Truck. We had been standing by vehicles for an hour, and nothing had happened, but it happened frequently.
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Standing
Truck
Wireless
Drive
Detailed
Driver
Frequently
Hour
Shepherd
Vehicles
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It was implanted in me that I came from a different class - an elevated class. I was cushioned by servants. I don't remember doing anything for myself. I only played and went to school.
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Myself Me Remember
Cushioned
Elevated
Servants
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My parents always threw everything out, gave everything away. I'm surprised they never threw me away. That's why I've always kept my children's things. My parents had no feelings for belongings.
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Me Children Parents
Gave
Surprised
Threw
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My father was a soldier, which meant that he was a warrior, which meant that he was important. My mother rode a horse and sang in the Governor-General's band, so that made her important as well.
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Horse
Soldier
Warrior
Sang
Rode
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Things began to improve when I went to Rangoon. To begin with, my father was promoted, which meant he was at home more. The matriarchal society was ended, and for the first time, I went to a boys' school.
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Promoted
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May 8th 1943. Deluge. The rain not only fell mainly on the plain in Spain; it also fell mainly on the back of the bloody neck, dripping down the spine into the socks where it came out of the lace-holes in the boots.
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Bloody
Boots
Deluge
Dripping
Rain
Spain
Neck
Fell
Mainly
Plain
Socks
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The experience of being in the Army changed my whole life; I never believed that an organization such as ours could ever go to war, leave alone win it. It was, as Yeats remarked of the Easter Rising, 'A terrible beauty.'
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Beauty
Alone
Easter
Army
Changed
Organization
Rising
Terrible
Yeats
Believed
Leave
Ours
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I don't think of depression as contagious. Other depressed people challenge the idea - which can be very persistent and irritating - that there is something odd about you: that you are unique with regard to this wretched state.
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Contagious
Irritating
Odd
Persistent
Regard
Unique
Wretched
Challenge
Depressed
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The lunacy continues and has every chance of becoming a way of life unless we stop it soon. Men are getting so used to wars that the psychiatric wing of the RAMC are planning how to break the news to the men when the war is over.
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Chance
Becoming
Break
Lunacy
News
Planning
Psychiatric
Life War Men
Wars
Every Chance
Soon
Unless
Wing
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This silent call you make, A silence so loud I fear the world knows it's meaning If you fill every corner of a room Where can I look? If I close my eyes the silence becomes louder! There is no escape from you The only way out is in
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Eye
Looks
Silence
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We come across thirty or so hurried graves with makeshift wooden markers. 'Private Edwards, E.', a number, and that was all. Fourteen days ago he was alive, thinking feeling, hoping... If war was a game of cards, I'd say someone was cheating.
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Alive
Cards
Cheating
Fourteen
Graves
Markers
Thinking
Across
Game
Days
Number
Feeling
Hoping
Private
Wooden
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You couldn't enclose people in institutions or hospitals or almshouses in the way the Victorians managed to do. India was too big. Seeing the suffering people was terrible, but I think I was more distraught at the needless cruelty to so many animals.
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Cruelty
Hospitals
Seeing
Terrible
Animals
Suffering People Way
Enclose
Needless
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My father being a soldier, every time I saw soldiers marching - 'Well,' I thought, 'my father's that,' and these soldiers were always looking magnificent. And I thought they were powerful; they were all-powerful. I knew that they were an elite in India.
Spike Milligan / Comedian
India
Magnificent
Powerful
Soldier
Time Always Father
All-Powerful
Elite
Every Time
Marching
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I can't stand being late. I try to be professional. I try not to let people down. But people let me down. That's why I don't rely on anyone to call me. That's why I have clocks as well as people. I have to be able to call myself; it's the only way to be sure.
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Late
Rely
Myself Me People
Clocks
Professional
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Is the modern social pattern of unending change and movement the cause of two modern diseases, insecurity and dissatisfaction? How lucky Thomas Hood was to be able to write, 'I remember, I remember the house where I was born.' I don't even know what mine looked like!
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Dissatisfaction
Hood
Insecurity
Movement
Unending
Diseases
Looked
Mine
Pattern
Thomas
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I remember lying out in my bed and looking at the vast, quiet sky. Right up above my head, there were three stars in a row, and I remember thinking, 'Well, I'll have those three stars all my life, and wherever I am, they will be. They are my stars, and they belong to me.'
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Bed
Lying
Quiet
Remember
Sky
Stars
Thinking
Three
Looking
Above
All My Life
Belong
Vast
Head
Row
Wherever
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Unbeknown to me, my manager, under my very nose (in a crouching position) has all these years been secretly compiling a book from my correspondence. I often wondered what she was doing in my office. She never did a stroke of work for me. All the time, I have been working for her.
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Correspondence
Office
Position
Time Work Me
Work Time Me
Manager
Nose
Secretly
Stroke
Wondered
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We reach a secondary road and - here comes the bonus - we pass the Temple of Neptune and Cerene, at Paestum, both looking beautiful in the sunlight. Strung from the Doric columns are lines of soldiers' washing. At last they had been put to practical use. If only the ancient Greeks had known.
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Ancient
Bonus
Columns
Neptune
Sunlight
Washing
Ancient Greeks
Greeks
Practical
Secondary
Soldiers
Strung
Temple
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On the Ning Nang Nong Where the Cows go Bong! And the Monkeys all say Boo! Theres a Nang Nong Ning Where the trees go Ping! And the tea pots Jibber Jabber Joo On the Nong Ning Nang All the Mice go Clang! And you just cant catch em when they do! So its Ning Nang Nong! Cows go Bong! Nong Nang Ning! Trees go Ping! Nong Ning Nang! The mice go Clang! What a noisy place to belong,Is the Ning Nang Ning Nang Nong!
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Ems
Tea
Tree
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I have got so low that I have asked to be hospitalized and for deep narcosis (sleep). I cannot stand being awake. The pain is too much... Something has happened to me, this vital spark has stopped burning - I go to a dinner table now and I don't say a word, just sit there like a dodo. Normally I am the centre of attention, keeps the conversation going, - so that is depressing in itself. It's like another person taking over, very strange. The most important thing I say is 'good evening' and then I go quiet.
Spike Milligan / Comedian
Depression
Depressing
Pain
Sleep
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Spike Milligan Quotes - Page 2

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