Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Opinions are projections.
Fat girls aren’t real people.
I'm never going to be Tolstoy.
I am Shiva, Destroyer of Worlds.
Gotta love alcohol and sex hormones.
The haters always scream the loudest.
Hi. I haven't insulted you yet, have I?
I've never really had a media edifice supporting me.
The meaning of life is to create meaning for your life.
Corporate tweets are like one robot talking to another.
The great stories go to those who aren't afraid to live them
Failure instructs, failure improves. Failure shouldn't deter you.
No one has probably helped me more with my narcissism than my dog.
I tell the truth, and truth is the ultimate defense against libel.
Failure either ruins you, or turns you into the man you can become.
In training, there is no winning or losing. There is only learning.
I hated being a lawyer and I wanted to like myself and like my job.
You play crotch roulette, you're gonna hit double zero once in a while.
Tell beautiful women they are smart, and smart women they are beautiful.
That's the beauty of alcohol. If you don't remember it, it didn't happen.
When your buddy tells you a movie is good, that's worth 2,000 commercials.
We can't get kicked out of McDonald's! This is like the DMZ of drunk eating.
Publishing companies are like schoolyard bullies that can't even fight well.
No sheep wants to be first through the gate, but every sheep will be second.
Great careers are getting easier to find and audition for, but harder to keep.
I have tons of fans in Canada. I've sold hundreds of thousands of books there.
My writing is authentic, and whatever happens in my life is what I write about.
Even if I was a Republican, George Bush would have pushed me out of that party.
Make no mistake about it: Law school is not a bastion of intellectual discourse.
We had become those guys... who started a fight... at a Harry Potter book party.
I sold a million books because I have a lot of fans, not because people hate me.
Leave it up to hipster nerds to pretend to hate something that they actually want
There aren't a whole lot of people in culture that are unapologetically masculine.
I'm not some movie star relying on a studio. I have my own fans and I earned them.
Hey man, can you talk to dolphins and pilot whales with that huge forehead of yours?
You look like the type of people who would criticize a misspelling in a suicide note.
I was not developmentally disabled, but didn't mature at the same rate other kids did.
Getting offended is a great way to avoid answering questions that make you sound dumb.
I masterbate in the shower. My action figures judge me. Especially the Justice League.
Random Girl after a hookup: "Do you love me" Tucker: "I don't understand the question.
I will never understand why people get so upset at things I don't even remember saying.
Most of my success, I feel, comes from being a good editor as opposed to a great writer.
There is always more demand for great content then there will be great content to satisfy it.
Anything that reflects the human condition back on humans in the entertainment medium is art.
Before I was famous, I already was the person that attracted and dealt with a lot of weirdos.
9:00: I don't know what I want. I just point at the Dollar Menu and say, 'Give me all of that.
Helping reproductive services doesn't just help women in isolation. It helps men just as much.
Social media for the majority of companies is not about helping customers or improving products.
The general intellectual level of South Florida is somewhere just above "functionally retarded".
Hollywood, it's just like high school. Whoever is pretty and popular, everyone wants to be with.