Quotes by Will Durst - Page 1

Voters want a fraud they can believe in.
Will Durst / Comedian
Politics
Believe
Want
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In San Francisco, Haloween is redundant.
Will Durst / Comedian
Redundant
San Francisco
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In San Francisco, Halloween is redundant.
Will Durst / Comedian
Funny
Travel
Halloween
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Walter Mondale has all the charisma of a speed bump.
Will Durst / Comedian
Politics
Bumps
Speed
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It's okay to laugh in the bedroom so long as you don't point
Will Durst / Comedian
Bedroom
Laughing
Long
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I hate the outdoors. To me the outdoors is where the car is.
Will Durst / Comedian
Fun
Hate
Lakes
Outdoors
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It's okay to laugh in the bedroom so long as you don't point.
Will Durst / Comedian
Bedroom
Okay
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I'm glad Reagan is president. Of course, I'm a professional comedian.
Will Durst / Comedian
Comedian
Glad
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Men are superior to women, for one thing they can urinate from a speeding car.
Will Durst / Comedian
Speeding
Car Women Men
Superior
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Men are superior to women. For one thing, men can urinate from a speeding car.
Will Durst / Comedian
Women
Car
Speeding
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How did sex come to be thought of as dirty in the first place? God must have been a Republican.
Will Durst / Comedian
Dirty
Humorous
Sex
First Place
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Well, we won the war. You know what that means. In twenty years, we'll all be driving Iraqi cars
Will Durst / Comedian
War
Mean
Years
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Well, we won the war. You know what that means. In twenty years, we'll all be driving Iraqi cars.
Will Durst / Comedian
Driving
Won
Iraqi
Twenty
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The problem is, we have yet to convince the Taliban they are fellow passengers on spaceship Earth.
Will Durst / Comedian
Politics
Earth
Problem
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It is my experience that the best way to deal with American politics is 50 milligrams of Zoloft 3 times a day.
Will Durst / Comedian
Best Way
Deals
Way
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The reason the Democrats are so intent on passing a stem-cell bill is they're depending on the research to grow themselves a spine.
Will Durst / Comedian
Bills
Cells
Research
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When people talk about how in America, anybody can grow up to be President, I'm not sure George Bush is exactly what they had in mind.
Will Durst / Comedian
America
Growing Up
People
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Everybody says not enough people vote. Now, I don't know nothing, but after the midterms, pretty obvious to me, that too many people vote.
Will Durst / Comedian
Enough
People
Vote
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There is humor in the specter of the worst disaster in our nation's history. All I have to do is sweep away the debris of shock to find it.
Will Durst / Comedian
Humor
Debris
Disaster
Shock
Worst
Specter
Sweep
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President Bush says we've turned the corner in Iraq. What is that, about 16 corners we've turned? I think they call that running in circles.
Will Durst / Comedian
Running
Circles
Thinking
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Comedy is defiance. It's a snort of contempt in the face of fear and anxiety. And it's the laughter that allows hope to creep back on the inhale.
Will Durst / Comedian
Happiness
Fear
Contempt
Defiance
Inhale
Laughter
Creep
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You can't kill America. We're more than a nation. We're a notion. We're an idea. The American Dream. You never heard of the Afghanistani Dream have you. Except by bearded hermetic recluses with a fetish for uneducated women dressed as giant shuttlecocks.
Will Durst / Comedian
Dream
America
Ideas
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The administration says the American people want tax cuts. Well, duh. The American people also want drive-through nickel beer night. The American people want to lose weight by eating ice cream. The American people love the Home Shopping Network because it's commercial-free.
Will Durst / Comedian
Home
Beer
Cutting
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Budget cuts if you're not rich, tax cuts if you are. Less money for those who don't have any and more to those who do. That's how President Fredo says we're going to get out of the giant deficit hole he's dug. You can't put it any more simply. Rich people richer. Poor people poorer.
Will Durst / Comedian
Cutting
People
President
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Will Durst Quotes - Page 1

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