Quotes by Comic of the Authors - Page 7

I just try to laugh at the little things. Like, I'm always amazed by how long it takes two kids to get dressed and out the door. Every morning I say, 'Come on! Let's go! Five minutes!' And they're still in their underwear. Or they say they're ready, but they're not wearing shoes.
Molly Shannon / Comic
Amazed
Little Things
Underwear
Dressed
Copy Quote
That's one thing about my shows. I tell people, I'm not a comedian, I'm just a really funny reporter. I put my life out there and make it entertaining. By putting it out there, it helps me to deal with it, you know, so I don't snap and so I don't go off the handle when I get home.
Gabriel Iglesias / Comic
Home
Comedian
People
Copy Quote
For about three years I was performing at one bar in East Los Angeles that was like a mean dive bar. You're in there performing for drunks or bikers, not the most flattering people. I think it helped build my confidence, because you have to get their attention, then make them laugh.
Gabriel Iglesias / Comic
Mean
Thinking
Years
Copy Quote
Prior to going to college, I had a pretty strong accent, and that was one of the things I had to work on a lot. I went to North Carolina School of the Arts; my speech teacher... that was one of the things we really had to work on over the years, and thankfully I think it finally worked.
Chris Parnell / Comic
Teacher
Carolina
College
North Carolina
Strong
Accent
Arts
Finally
North
Prior
Thankfully
Worked
Copy Quote
I just like The Little Mermaid cartoon. Say what you want. I have a fish tank, it's a long story. I have a fascination with the ocean, and you put a hot chick in there, it just adds more to it! I liked The Little Mermaid. It's a cool movie. It's one of those I watch over and over again.
Gabriel Iglesias / Comic
Ocean
Long
Mermaid
Copy Quote
And I don't want you thinking that my girlfriend is a bad person. She is an amazing woman, the fact that I only have seven stories about her in eight years, says a lot. You know, don't get me wrong, five of them happened this year, but that's still way below the bar, you know what I am saying.
Gabriel Iglesias / Comic
Eight
Girlfriend
Thinking
Copy Quote
I went up on stage, and said, "Why did the chicken cross the road? To check out the chicks." I was a genius at 10. Try telling that at 21, and you look hacky and stupid. That was the only joke I've ever told. Everything since has been character voices, doing impressions or just telling stories.
Gabriel Iglesias / Comic
Character
Stupid
Voice
Copy Quote
In the beginning, when I was doing my shows, I was incorporating a lot of Spanish, just trying to be a Latino comic instead of just a comic. Now I try to make the show as broad as possible... I don't want to alienate people. I want to make it so everybody can follow along and everybody can relate.
Gabriel Iglesias / Comic
Comic
Latino
People
Relate
Trying
Want
Alienate
Broad
In The Beginning
Spanish
Copy Quote
When you hear "Seinfield," no one says, "the Jewish comic." You talk about Cedric the Entertainer, you don't say, "African American comedian Cedric the Entertainer." Even Margaret Cho - who's like one of three Korean performers out there - no one refers to her like that. They say, "It's Margaret Cho."
Gabriel Iglesias / Comic
African American
Comedian
Three
Copy Quote
I got a brother who calls me Hollywood. Sisters kind of keep their distance. Even my mom is kind of like ahhh with me. Yeah dude, it really sucks. And I wish things were different. Unfortunately, they don't understand everything I go through on a day to day basis to be able to maintain what I'm doing.
Gabriel Iglesias / Comic
Mom
Brother
Distance
Copy Quote
One of the first exercises we did in acting class my freshman year was to stand in two rows, two lines facing each other as a class, and just make sounds and move in some completely nonsensical way out into the center of the room. Sort of make an idiot out of yourself, essentially, but to be okay with that.
Chris Parnell / Comic
Class
Freshman
Freshman Year
Lines
Nonsensical
Okay
Acting Class
Center
Essentially
Exercises
Facing
Rows
Sounds
Copy Quote
Now I understand why people do drugs, why people drink, and why people go crazy. As the success level goes up and up and up, the further detached I get from everybody else. Luckily, with my girlfriend, everything is gravy because I brought her into it. I brought her in and she's very hands on with my career.
Gabriel Iglesias / Comic
Crazy
Girlfriend
Hands
Copy Quote
I appreciate and enjoy mathematics and science and all that side of things. I definitely have that side of me even though I'm not by any means an expert, but I love reading about physics and math and that kind of stuff. I wish I knew more than I did. I mean, I read books written for laymen, not textbooks or anything.
Chris Parnell / Comic
Appreciate
Math
Physics
Textbooks
Love Science Me
Expert
Copy Quote
I just recently crossed over into Europe. They're showing my special Hot and Fluffy in Europe and selling the DVD there too. And they're doing the same thing in Australia and Canada. And I think the biggest part was I did the special in a predominantly Latino area, but I kept the show mainstream and across the board.
Gabriel Iglesias / Comic
Dvds
Europe
Thinking
Copy Quote
If i wouldn't have done comedy, I would have been a teacher. I was really good when I took an exploratory teaching class in high school, at getting kids' attention, and delivering lesson plans. Though my principal even told me that this was what I was meant to do. And that being a big-mouth comedian was a waste of time.
Gabriel Iglesias / Comic
Kids
Teacher
Teaching
Copy Quote
When you have nothing but big friends, you never get into arguments - except one. And that is, who is the biggest? I'll let you know right now, there's only one way to settle this. We all get in a bus and we go to Disney and we get on a roller coaster - whoever gets the least amount of clicks on the safety bar is the big one.
Gabriel Iglesias / Comic
Bars
Safety
Way
Copy Quote
Congress, our leaders, voted against a proposal to have a national seven day waiting period to buy a gun. I don't want to sound like a Quaker, but when you think about it, is a week a long time to wait? To see if a former mental patient is qualified to own an Uzi? Con one, will ya Congress? It takes three weeks to get a phone!
Jimmy Tingle / Comic
Gun
Phones
Thinking
Copy Quote
I grew up Southern Baptist, so my experience was fairly conservative. Not archly so, but I think Memphis - when you get to certain parts of Memphis - are more liberal for sure. But I grew up, until I was about 13 or 14, in a section called Whitehaven, and then we moved to a suburb called Germantown - which is a pretty conservative area.
Chris Parnell / Comic
Baptists
Conservative
Memphis
Moved
Southern
Southern Baptist
Thinking
Fairly
Baptist
Liberal
Parts
Section
Suburb
Copy Quote
In real life, my son had a little injury a couple of years ago where we had moved into a new house and he put his hand through a glass window and it cut him really badly. Thank god he had surgery and repaired everything, but I remember I felt frozen I was so scared, and then I realized I was holding my hand just because his hand was hurt.
Molly Shannon / Comic
Couple
Hurt
Real
Copy Quote
Honestly, you got to take care of the people that take care of you. I know that sounds like cliche, or borderline phony, but that's the case. The reason I've had the fans that I have is because I've been consistent over the years and kept coming back and doing the same runs. I'm never going to stop doing the cities I've gone through. I'm only going to add.
Gabriel Iglesias / Comic
Running
Cities
Years
Copy Quote
I collect art on a very modest scale. Most of what I have is photography because I just love it and it makes me happy and it looks good in my home. I also have a pretty big collection of art books mainly, again, on photography. A lot of photography monographs, which is great because with photography, the art itself can be reproduced quite well in book form.
Chris Parnell / Comic
Art
Book
Photography
Copy Quote
By the end of the semester [in the high school] I was the only one up in front of the class everyday. Actually I could have passed the class four times over because every time you got in front of the class you got extra credit.That was the only class I got an A in and it was the funniest report card because it read Speech - A but everything else was just D, D, D, D.
Gabriel Iglesias / Comic
Class
Everyday
School
Copy Quote
Why would anybody connect to someone who has everything going for them? It's the person who has faults that people want to connect to. So people identify with certain insecurities on stage and just by me talking about my diabetes people come up to me after the show and tell me "Gabe, my blood sugar is out of control and I feel you". That's the first thing they say, they say "I feel you!".
Gabriel Iglesias / Comic
Blood
People
Talking
Copy Quote
I am a Republican because I believe in the constitution, strength in national defense, limited government, individual freedom, and personal responsibility as the concrete foundation for American government. They reinforce the resolve that the United States is the greatest country in the world and we can all be eternally grateful to our founding fathers for the beautiful legacy they left us today.
Martha Raye / Comic
Beautiful
Country
Father
Copy Quote
Walgreens, Rite Aid, CVS and Wal-Mart have all figured out the evolution of life and they grabbed all the products that are necessary for a life. And they stuck them in one aisle and they put them in order according to how you mess up... First thing you're going to see: condoms. Next to that: lubricant. Next to that: pregnancy test. Next to that: Pampers. Next to that: formula. And at the end of the aisle they sell beer.
Gabriel Iglesias / Comic
Beer
Order
Pregnancy
Copy Quote
Chris [Kattan] and Will [Ferrell] and I all went out – I don’t want to say where, because it’s a famous restaurant and it’s Italian-owned and I don’t want any trouble. But I ended up throwing up all night from food poisoning. All the blood vessels in my eyes were broken, and the blood vessels in my face. I did not sleep. I walked into the audition and the makeup person said, ‘Oh my God, what happened to you?’ I looked like I was in a car accident.
Cheri Oteri / Comic
Eye
Italian
Sleep
Copy Quote

Top Authors

Vincent Van Gogh
Painter
Wednesday, Mar 30, 1853
Tuesday, Jul 29, 1890
Elon Musk
Investor
Monday, Jun 28, 1971
Nelson Mandela
Former President Of South Africa
Thursday, Jul 18, 1918
Thursday, Dec 05, 2013
Napoleon Hill
Author
Friday, Oct 26, 1883
Sunday, Nov 08, 1970
Billy Graham
Evangelist
Thursday, Nov 07, 1918
Martin Luther
Monk
Saturday, Nov 10, 1483
Monday, Feb 18, 1546
Niccolo Machiavelli
Historian
Monday, May 03, 1469
Tuesday, Jun 21, 1527
Benjamin Franklin
Founding Father Of The United States
Sunday, Jan 17, 1706
Saturday, Apr 17, 1790
Robin Williams
Actor
Saturday, Jul 21, 1951
Monday, Aug 11, 2014
Theodore Roosevelt
26Th U.s. President
Wednesday, Oct 27, 1858
Monday, Jan 06, 1919
Julius Caesar
Roman Dictator
Thursday, Jan 01, 1970
Friedrich Nietzsche
Philologist
Tuesday, Oct 15, 1844
Saturday, Aug 25, 1900
Soren Kierkegaard
Philosopher
Wednesday, May 05, 1813
Sunday, Nov 11, 1855
Thomas Sowell
Economist
Monday, Jun 30, 1930
Leonardo Da Vinci
Painter
Thursday, Apr 15, 1452
Friday, May 02, 1519

View All Authors

Quotes by Comic of the Authors - Page 7

Picture Quotes Maker

Popular Topic Tags

Top Authors

Share This Page

Stay Connected

Picture Quotes Maker

Popular Topic Tags

Top Authors

Share This Page