Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Joan Rivers was my hero.
I don't drink before shows.
Las Vegas gave me my career.
Horse is fine. I'll ride a horse.
There's a lot of power in laughter.
I always dreamed of living in N.Y.C.
I'm going to be a 'Chopped' champion.
I'm always kind of in my head thinking.
What if obese people couldn't get married?
I am frozen musically somewhere around 2004.
The first time I did stand-up was on a dare.
I've gotten resistance for my entire career.
You don't get smarter by not learning stuff.
I don't look like a lot of fun. I just don't.
My Shabbat dinner is not to be reckoned with.
Capitalism doesn't care about sentimentality.
I always have a bit of a look, a bit of a frown.
There is no reason to be ashamed of who you are.
Halloween is an opportunity to be really creative.
People always want narratives to be clean and easy.
What I enjoy the most about being Filipino is our culture.
Comedy is not the first choice in Vegas for entertainment.
I didn't realize how many people watched 'The Tonight Show.'
To have a job making people laugh really is the greatest thing.
I like living in Berkeley, but I know Berkeley's not the world.
I love the vulgar. I kind of have the humor of a 17-year-old boy.
The more life experience you have, the more comedy you can write.
I'd love for someone to ask me about comedic technique and choices.
If you're going to hit a car, try to be sure that it's not a cop car
That's the nature of my [stand-up] act: black man with a white baby.
I've always been a fan of these travel shows and documentary series.
We can't throw the worst part of racism into the dustbin of history.
I have so much history with Just For Laughs. My career took off there.
Comedy is all about having a point of view, and it's also about power.
No comedian grows up thinking, 'I hope one day to have a show on CNN.'
As a comedian, you see all parts of the country because you play there.
Chicago is a world-class city filled with amazing people with big ideas.
We've never had a female President in this country, which I find stunning
Growing up in New Jersey, bat mitzvas were all about the elegant parties.
'The Judy Show' would be the name of my TV show if I had one, but I don't.
I love standup, but not the grind of traveling and dealing with club owners.
I knew when I got out of high school that I was going to be a stand-up comic.
My two sons are the biggest pigs - always dirty, sweaty, burping and farting.
I didn't want to be known as a gay comic, but as a comic who happens to be gay.
I don't tie my shoes right. I tie them the way you would tie a gift, like a bow.
Being witty was the only side effect of being depressed that was working for me.
Many comics stay in one city and develop their acts for that particular audience.
As a black man, I actually had naturally sort of comedic curiosity about the Klan.
I get the worst compliments all the time. 'Oh you're Asian? I love orange chicken.'
When you see another tall woman on the street, you nod, sort of like Orthodox Jews.