Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Stand-up comedy is a raunchy profession.
A lot of people my age think stand up sucks.
I'm kind of obsessed with food. I like to eat.
I know my fan base is a smart group of people.
I weirdly do consider myself an optimist about love.
Acting is a plum gig, and then animation is an even more plum gig.
I guess my music taste is pretty predictable: I like new indie rock stuff, older stuff.
Once you become a comedian, you accept that people are just going to yell stuff at you.
I was a dishwasher at one of those Japanese places that cook on your table. Not too fun.
With stand-up, it's more interesting to hear about people's failures than their successes.
I like the brand Band of Outsiders. Their suits are cut really slim, for smaller framed gentlemen.
Being a rapper is about being cool, but being a comedian, you're not supposed to be the coolest guy.
It's the hardest thing to come up with an hour of material that can consistently keep people laughing.
Do It Under the Influence Yourself! That's what we're shooting for! Get drunk and make your dreams come true.
Even in my stand-up, there's a lot more positivity and enthusiasm rather than negative, I-hate-everything vibes.
I live in L.A., I go on tour all the time, I'm in New York half the year - it's very hard to be in a relationship.
I'm kind of obsessed with food. I like to eat. When I tour, it's like, well, like a food tour as much as a comedy tour.
One of the big things I miss about New York is not my friends so much; it's Shake Shack, the burger place. I miss Shake Shack.
The most influential thing was the two Chris Rock specials that came out when I was in high school. I was obsessed with that stuff.
I have an amazing metabolism. I'm sure that'll be gone one day. But I like to exercise, too, so I don't think I'll ever get really fat.
For the majority of the time, I may as well have been just a really tan white kid. You know, I may as well have just been, like, a fat kid.
Writing your own jokes, you just kind of keep working on something until you think it might work, and then you try it out and hope for the best.
Why would anyone get married and have babies? That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard in my life. Or the scariest thing I've ever heard in my life.
Most single people I know, myself included, have a difficult time even meeting up with the people they like, be it busy schedules, texting games, or whatever.
Other than friends and family, my favorite things are New York and stand-up. I love doing comedy in New York - I can do way more stand-up here than in Los Angeles.
After you do a joke a few times, you have material that you know works. Although sometimes I have a joke that has worked a bunch of times, and then one night it'll flop.
I don't think you can describe your ideal girl. A big part of that is just meeting someone and really clicking with them and wanting to hang out with them all of the time.
You go to any Jay-Z concert, and he plays his hits. Comedians don't have hits. You have to have a whole brand-new hour. You have no hits to rely on. It's the hardest thing.
Some comedians will tour and do these classic bits all the time. But now with YouTube and Comedy Central, people see your stuff, and they don't want to hear you do that again.
I'm so jealous of people who have crushes on people they go to school with or work with. That's such a blessing. You actually get to see them all the time and spend time with them.
I'm so jealous of people who have crushes on people they go to school with, or work with. That's such a blessing. You actually get to see them all the time and spend time with them.
I'm the kind of person, if I see something, like a funny video, I want to share it. With Twitter and Tumblr you can do that on a mass scale, and people get to know your personality.
I'm always down to try a new burger, but Shake Shack is still my top. What makes them so special is for the bread they use Martin's potato rolls which is just the best hamburger buns ever.
I was 18 when I started. I was hanging out with some friends and they asked if I had tried stand-up before. I hadn't, but I thought: 'What the hell?' So I went to an open mic night, and I liked it.
Like with 'Parks and Recreation,' it's so much fun because the people writing it are funny and they're open and you just go in there and have a good time. It's pretty much the easiest job I've ever had.
With stand-up, I can have an idea, go down the street to a comedy club and work on it, flesh it out, book a venue, people will come, then film it. I do all that myself; I never have to answer to anybody.
I guess after college, I just got really into food. I also think going on the road doing stand-up makes you more into food. Because when you travel like that, one of the things to do is find really good places to eat.
The whole idea of love is scary - so is being with someone for the rest of your life and being happy with them for the rest of your life. There's lots of research to suggest that, actually, love's not really that simple.
Myself, Eric Wareheim, and Jason Woliner decided to start a Food Club where the three of us go to restaurants with a couple of other people. The three of us are the captains of the Food Club, so we have to wear the captains' hats.
Every single person, pretty much, is taught what they're supposed to do: go to school, get a job, find someone to love, get married, have kids, raise the kids, and then die. Nobody questions that. What if you want to do something different?
It's hard to really get that excited about movies. Think about it like this: how many good comedy movies come out a year? Maybe one or two? And then, in those movies, what are the chances that there's a character that I'm the best fit to play? It's really small!
When I tour, it's like, well, like a food tour as much as a comedy tour. I try to eat at all the weird places, the obscure barbecue joints, burger places. There are a few spots in L.A. that I'm obsessed with - one of them is the Taco Zone taco truck on Alvarado. There are secret off-menu items that are amazing.
Every time I've done comedy in, like, traditional comedy clubs, there's always these comedians that do really well with audiences but that the other comedians hate because they're just, you know, doing kind of cheap stuff like dancing around or doing, like, very kind of base sex humor a lot, and stuff like that.
After you do a joke a few times, you have material that you know works. Although sometimes I have a joke that has worked a bunch of times and then one night it'll flop. And that's when I really take a hard look at myself and say: 'Well, that crowd is obviously wrong. That crowd has absolutely no idea what it's talking about.'