Quotes by Christian Finnegan - Page 1

Canada, or as i call them, America Light.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
America
Canada
Light
Copy Quote
I'm not an alcoholic. I just drink that way.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
Alcoholics
Drink
Way
Copy Quote
The thing is, I hate political comedy. I personally loathe it.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
Politics
Hate
Political
Copy Quote
America may be entering it’s Michael Jordan on the Wizards period.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
America
Entering
Wizards
Copy Quote
You rarely hear anyone use the word pancreas in a not-horrible context.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
Horrible
Pancreas
Use
Copy Quote
I think I speak for America when I say, nothing says NASCAR like Whoopi Goldberg.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
America
Speak
Thinking
Copy Quote
Basically Britney Spears' video is like a three an a half minute version of Glitter.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
Half
Three
Video
Copy Quote
Jesus is a powerful guy in Hollywood. Not quite as powerful as Vin Diesel, but powerful.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
Jesus
Guy
Powerful
Copy Quote
Some of you guys must have real jobs - office jobs. Anybody? By a show of broken spirits.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
Jobs
Broken Spirit
Real
Copy Quote
If you purchased the latest Joss Stone CD, what you're saying is that you're an employee of VH1.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
Cds
Employee
Stones
Copy Quote
I used to play bass for a while and got to the point where I was good enough to be in a shitty band.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
Band
Bass
Play
Copy Quote
I haven't had a drink in twelve days and I've gotta say, I'm pretty shocked at how boring people are.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
Boring
People
Twelve
Copy Quote
Michael Jackson's charity efforts? Mmm. I'm sure they have nothing to do with his molestation charges.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
Charity
Effort
Molestation
Copy Quote
Pimp stands for Positive Intellectual Motivated Person. It has nothing to do with selling sex for money.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
Intellectual
Pimp
Sex
Copy Quote
I was told by a physician to avoid any line of work where people need to, um, depend on me for anything.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
Needs
People
Physicians
Copy Quote
If you refuse to see Superman Returns this summer, what you're saying about yourself is: I heart Al Qaeda.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
Als
Heart
Summer
Copy Quote
If think the pig was terrified because he was fully aware that after segment he was going to be fed to Al Roker.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
Als
Pigs
Thinking
Copy Quote
Basically, I got into stand-up because I'm too egocentric to be an actor and not disciplined enough to be a writer.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
Actors
Egocentric
Enough
Copy Quote
There comes a point where the disappointments in your life accrue faster than you can find external forces to blame them on.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
Blame
Disappointment
External Forces
Copy Quote
The thing is - I'm not an idiot. I'm rather intelligent, as proven by the fact that I just used the word 'rather' in a sentence.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
Intelligence
Facts
Idiot
Intelligent
Copy Quote
The Smurf village was destroyed weeks ago and Bush has still not made an appearance. George Bush doesn't care about tiny blue people.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
Blue
People
Village
Copy Quote
Growing up as a comedian, the first thing you dream of is having your own album, but even more than that, I always wanted that hour special on cable.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
Dream
Comedian
Growing Up
Copy Quote
People might say, What's so great about the Arctic Monkeys? I've never even seen them. Well, you've never seen God either. You're gonna tell me he's not awesome?
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
Might
Monkeys
People
Copy Quote
Relationships are a lot like yard sales. They look really fun from a couple hundred feet away, but eventually you realize it's just a bunch of crap you don't need.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
Couple
Feet
Fun
Copy Quote
I really respect peple who try. People who say, No, I'm actually going to do the best I can. That said, you want to do the best you can while remaining who you are.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
Respect
People
Trying
Want
Copy Quote
It's my genius plan of avoiding any career momentum whatsoever. Definitely the pop-culture thing is something I've avoided in my act. It's just too transitory and ephemeral.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
Avoiding
Genius
Copy Quote
If the right opportunity came along, maybe, but I'm more focused on trying to create a TV show where I can be myself, rather than playing a wacky neighbor. Although, I would gladly play a wacky neighbor of any sort.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
Opportunity
Neighbor
Trying
Copy Quote
Do me a favor, guys. Don't drink so much that you become the guy that goes into the bathroom and moans while taking a leak. See, the women in the room, they might not know what we're talking about; every dude knows.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
Favors
Guy
Talking
Copy Quote
I'd like to think I'm a little more memorable or specific now. People laugh at me in a way they wouldn't laugh at another comedian, rather than being like, "Okay, who's the next joke-slinger? Give me some jokes so I may laugh and go about my day!"
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
Memorable
People
Thinking
Copy Quote
If I could go back and talk to the me who was just starting to do comedy, I would have told myself to relax and not worry about things happening right away. That's a mistake a lot of people make - they think a year is a long time and it's really not.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
Mistake
Thinking
Years
Copy Quote
Of course, the world is different now. There's a glut of comedians with specials, so it's just not possible to make an impact the way Bill Cosby: Himself did. It's like, The Beatles were amazing, but it also helped that not many bands were putting out albums then.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
Comedian
Different
World
Copy Quote
I hope that if I ever disappear, people don't look for me based on the last websites I visited. Kind of an awkward press conference for my parents. Officer, do you have any leads? Well, based on Mr. Finnegan's computer entries, we think he was abducted by Sorority Sluts.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
Parent
People
Thinking
Copy Quote
You know what I'm great at? Trivial Pursuit. What good is that gonna do you in life? It has the word 'trivial' in the name. The game is basically telling you that you pursue trivial things. Trivial - as in not important. Trivial - as in maybe you should've gone to grad school.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
Games
Names
School
Copy Quote
I joined a gym recently. I don't have the best history in the world of sticking with my fitness regimens, but I feel like this time's gonna be different. I figure one of two things is gonna happen: either I'll get into shape, or I'll just resign myself to paying an $85 a month fat tax.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
History
Different
Two
Copy Quote
There's something so awesome about being able to get up in front of a microphone and do exactly what you want. Stand-up is as close as you're ever going to get to being 100 percent in control of a situation artistically, and I don't understand why people wouldn't want to keep doing that.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
People
Situation
Copy Quote
There are two kinds of intelligence in this world. People who are Monopoly smart and people who are Trivial Pursuit smart... If you're starting your own business, don't even talk to me. But If you need to know who the lead singer of Kajagoogoo is, I'm your guy. His name is Limahl, by the way.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
Names
Smart
Two
Copy Quote
I'm working on something a little different. It's a technique I call, 'tantric abstinence.' Now, the way this works is I meet a woman, I charm the heck out of her, and then right as she's considering sleeping with me, I say something so awkward that she leaves and I have to start over again with another woman entirely.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
Awkward
Sleep
Starting Over
Copy Quote
What is the point of a car alarm if it doesn't get people out of their beds to come help you? So if I ever have a car alarm - if I ever have a car - it's just going to be a big speaker on the back of my car. And when anybody tries to break in, it's just gonna go: Attention! Free bags of weed! Come get your free bags of weed!
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
Car
People
Weed
Copy Quote
I had no choice but to make me as a comedian, because I am not particularly gifted with a lot of marketable skills. Unless I really want to spend the rest of my life temping, or teaching drama to third-graders, I don't have a lot of other options - which is freeing, in a way. I never have to say, "Well, I could always go back to law school."
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
Drama
School
Teaching
Copy Quote
I've always prided myself on being able to perform in the "alt-comedy" zone, but also being able to do comedy for people who aren't media-saturated, and maybe don't have the latest Dan Deacon album. I probably won't be the most popular guy at Zanies in Nashville, and I'll never be the coolest dude at Largo, but I like that I can swim in both those waters.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
Guy
People
Water
Copy Quote
What people really want is not to make something funny, but to make something amusing - which, in many ways, is the opposite of funny. To amuse someone is to eliminate discomfort and awkwardness, kind of like a massage for the brain, while to be funny is to point out awkwardness and discomfort. Everyone thinks they want funny, but they really want amusement.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
Opposites
People
Thinking
Copy Quote
Do you guys remember that woman who disappeared a few years ago, Chandra Levy? Do you remember her? I found this fascinating. Apparently, the day she disappeared, she had gone on her computer, and the last website she ever visited was an online map of the park where her body was found. That's true. I just hope that if I ever disappear, people don't look for me based on the last websites I visited.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
Guy
People
Years
Copy Quote
I certainly do believe that a lot of comedy comes from awkwardness and embarrassment - pointing out the ways things are uncomfortable. Definitely the stuff that interests me. I don't necessarily think that comedy comes from a dark place, like you have to be a strung-out heroin addict. But I don't think it comes from happiness, that's for sure. It comes from frustration and suppressed rage, and wishing the world were different.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
Happiness
Believe
Dark
Copy Quote
My abject hatred of actors and the acting world. I went to college as an actor, and halfway through, I switched to playwriting and directing. Then I spent a couple years working in publishing, doing some freelance journalism for The Village Voice and Musician magazine. I thought my life was going to be as a writer, but then I realized I missed performing, so I got into comedy. It was a nice combination of things I was sort of good at. I was a pretty good writer and a decent actor, but I didn't really like acting, and I didn't have the discipline to be a writer.
Christian Finnegan / Comedian
College
Couple
Nice
Copy Quote

Related Comedian Authors

Zach Anner
Comedian
Saturday, Nov 17, 1984
Yakov Smirnoff
Comedian
Wednesday, Jan 24, 1951
Winston Spear
Comedian
Will Ferrell
Comedian
Sunday, Jul 16, 1967
Will Durst
Comedian
Tuesday, Mar 18, 1952
Wil Anderson
Comedian
Thursday, Jan 31, 1974
Whoopi Goldberg
Comedian
Sunday, Nov 13, 1955
Whitney Cummings
Comedian
Saturday, Sep 04, 1982
Wendy Liebman
Comedian
Monday, Feb 27, 1961
Warren Hutcherson
Comedian
Thursday, Oct 31, 1963
Wanda Sykes
Comedian
Saturday, Mar 07, 1964
Wally Cox
Comedian
Saturday, Dec 06, 1924
Thursday, Feb 15, 1973
W. C. Fields
Comedian
Thursday, Jan 29, 1880
Wednesday, Dec 25, 1946
Vir Das
Comedian
Thursday, May 31, 1979
Victoria Wood
Comedian
Tuesday, May 19, 1953
Wednesday, Apr 20, 2016

View All Comedian Quotes

Top Authors

Joe Biden
Vice President Of The United States
Friday, Nov 20, 1942
Sun Tzu
Strategist
Thursday, Jan 01, 1970
Thursday, Jan 01, 1970
Niccolo Machiavelli
Historian
Monday, May 03, 1469
Tuesday, Jun 21, 1527
Paulo Coelho
Lyricist
Sunday, Aug 24, 1947
Francis Of Assisi
Saint
Thursday, Jun 24, 1182
Saturday, Oct 03, 1226
Helen Keller
Author
Sunday, Jun 27, 1880
Saturday, Jun 01, 1968
Albert Camus
Author
Friday, Nov 07, 1913
Monday, Jan 04, 1960
Nelson Mandela
Former President Of South Africa
Thursday, Jul 18, 1918
Thursday, Dec 05, 2013
John C. Maxwell
Author
Thursday, Feb 20, 1947
Oscar Wilde
Writer
Monday, Oct 16, 1854
Friday, Nov 30, 1900
Marcus Aurelius
Roman Emperor
Saturday, Apr 26, 0121
Friday, Mar 17, 0180
Plato
Philosopher
Thursday, Jan 01, 1970
Thursday, Jan 01, 1970
Mae West
Actress
Thursday, Aug 17, 1893
Saturday, Nov 22, 1980
Samuel Taylor Coleridge
Poet
Wednesday, Oct 21, 1772
Friday, Jul 25, 1834
Pope Francis
Thursday, Dec 17, 1936

View All Authors

Christian Finnegan Quotes - Page 1

App & Tools

Related Comedian Authors

Popular Topic Tags

Top Authors

Share This Page

Stay Connected

App & Tools

Related Comedian Authors

Popular Topic Tags

Top Authors

Share This Page