Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I have a wonderful respect for old people.
It's fun being creative and that's satisfying.
I'm going to miss my best friends - my cameras.
People who go into show business are screwed up.
Comedy doesn't always have to come from a dark place.
However, frat-boy humor is funny and it always will be.
I thought late-night was crowded... the format's repetitive.
If loving you is wrong, then I'll just like you a whole bunch!
I think mankind is overly sensitive, very needy, greedy, and flawed.
While there's no 'I' in team, there's also no 'you', okay? So back off.
The places I've worked in the past, I always stayed three years and moved on.
I learned at an early age that using the third person will push some buttons.
I lived in a studio apartment until my mid-30s. I don't have an extravagant lifestyle.
A study shows breast implants can cause nausea and dizziness... from all the free drinks.
CBS was very generous in their offer to re-sign me. But I simply want to try something new.
I enjoyed retirement the right way linguine con vongole, red wine and plenty of truffle cheese.
John Kerry was officially endorsed by Dick Gephardt, and Kerry said, 'What did I ever do to you?'
I used to make fun of young people when I was 17 - the angst, the insecurities, all those tattoos.
I enjoyed retirement the right way... linguine con vongole, red wine and plenty of truffle cheese.
I think that you're always going to have some people who are negative or view you in a certain way.
My brother asked me once, 'Are you a misanthrope?' And I said, 'No, I just find people irritating.'
They're saying Arnold will get 95% of the vote. At least according to his brother, Jeb Schwarzenegger.
Larry Flynt, running for governor of California. His goal - change our state bird to the spread eagle.
Broadcasting was something, I don't want to say it came easy, but it's something I'm comfortable doing.
Did you see the statue topple? Bill Clinton got nostalgic seeing something that big in a beret go down.
Howard Dean is narrowing the field of potential running mates. It's down to Mike Tyson or Bobby Knight.
Lot of people wondering if John Kerry supports gay marriages. Here's a hint ... he gets $1,000 haircuts.
I always tell people I romanticize about doing something simple, like doing radio in northern California.
In a new poll 54 percent believed President Bush exaggerated the size of Iraq's missile threat. Hey, he's a guy.
President Bush says in the last month he has created 300,000 new jobs. Yeah, they're called Kerry campaign workers.
Clinton said he feels safe in Harlem. It's the only place in the state Hillary is scared to look for him after dark.
Bryant Gumbel is thrilled about his CBS deal and can't wait to start alienating the staff of an entirely new network.
Bush said the unemployment situation is turning around. Last week alone, 5,000 people started working for John Kerry.
There are 300,000 new jobs and Bush said he's confused, 'Can I take credit for good news that I didn't even make up?'
I don't do well around the angry, bitter and emotionally fragile among us, which may eliminate 70% of the population.
Over ten thousand people have signed a petition to recall Governor Schwarzenegger. I'm sorry, that is next year's joke.
Martha Stewart was convicted of four counts of lying and obstruction of justice and could serve up to 20 years in Congress.
President Bush is not fazed by other candidates' war records. He said, I may have not fought in Vietnam, but I created one.
Tom Ridge now says we don't have to run out and put plastic sheets all over the house. Great, tell that to my dead parakeet.
Or as hockey player Sergei Fedorov knows it, 'The day I can legally start telling everyone I am sleeping with Anna Kournikova.'
Today Homeland Security Chief Tom Ridge lowered the terror alert from orange to yellow. Does anybody need 16 miles of duct tape?
John Kerry will undergo surgery to repair his right shoulder. He originally hurt it when he suddenly switched positions on Iraq.
California's economy is declining so rapidly that candidates are asking 'Are you better off now then you were four minutes ago?'
The prison scandal is really hurting President Bush's poll numbers. In fact, I hear he's already working on his concession smirk.
In Louisiana, President Bush met with over 15,000 National Guard troops. Here's the weird part, nobody remembers seeing him there.
President Bush is trying to put a positive spin on the latest bad economic numbers. Today he declared victory in the 'War on Jobs.'
John Kerry announced his plan for how to handle those poor naked prisoners. His wife is going to buy them all a $1,000 Armani suit.
Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he's running for governor. He's got a great slogan - 'Vote for me, or I'll make 'Kindergarten Cop II
George W. Bush even stopped in Pennsylvania to try his hand at the lotto and gave up when he could only think of the numbers 4 and 17
President Bush said John Kerry is on both sides of every issue. And Kerry replied, 'No, I'm not ... but there is some truth to that.'