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Deborah Tannen Quotes - Page 1

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Birth order is fascinating, and it is forever.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Birth
Fascinating
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'Right' and 'wrong' aren't words a linguist uses.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Right And Wrong
Uses
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False dichotomies are often at the heart of discord.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Dichotomy
Discord
Heart
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Our ways of relating to each other become like habits.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Habits
Relating
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Male-female conversation is cross-cultural communication
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Communication
Female
Males
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We all feel wistfulness or regret about roads not taken.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Regret
Roads
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Each person's life is lived as a series of conversations.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Communication
Conversation
Life Is
Series
Conversations
Each
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Each underestimates her own power and overestimates the other's
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Overestimate
Underestimate
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Each underestimates her own power and overestimates the other's.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Power
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Relationships are made of talk - and talk is for girls and women.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Girl
Women
Made
Relationships
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New Yorkers seem to think the best thing two people can do is talk.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
New Yorkers
Best People New
Two People
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My job is to analyze conversations and discover why communications fail.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Analyze
Communications
Conversations
Discover
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All of us aspire to be powerful, and we all want to connect with others.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Aspire
Connect
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Treating people the same is not equal treatment if they are not the same.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Equal Treatment
Ifs
People
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Cooperation isn't the absence of conflict but a means of managing conflict.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Conflict
Cooperation
Mean
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We tend to look through language and not realize how much power language has
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Language
Looks
Realizing
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Critiquing relieves you of the responsibility of doing integrative thinking.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Responsibility
Thinking
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The effect of dominance is not always the result of an intention to dominate.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Dominance
Intention
Effect
Result
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I was one of those daughters who saw my mother as my enemy when I was a teen.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Teen
Enemy
Daughters
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We tend to look through language and not realize how much power language has.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Language
Much
Through
Look
How Much
Realize
Tend
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There is probably no such thing as a level playing field in political campaigns.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Campaigns
Level Playing Field
Playing Field
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I wouldn't say that it's hard for sisters to treat each other with respect. Many do.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Sisters
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I think it is important to remember that there are so many different ways to be sisters.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Different Ways
Sisters
So Many Different Ways
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For women, detailed conversation is our lifeblood, while for men it's just not as critical.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Conversation
Critical
Detailed
Lifeblood
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A sister is like yourself in a different movie, a movie that stars you in a different life.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Movie
Sister
Different
Different Life
Stars
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If you talk to your friends the way your parents talk, they will think you are stiff and odd.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Odd
Stiff
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We all know we are unique individuals, but we tend to see others as representatives of groups.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Diversity
Groups
Justice
Representatives
Unique
Individuals
See
Tend
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In dialogue, there is opposition, yes, but no head-on collision. Smashing heads does not open minds.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Doe
Mind
Smashing
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Our spirits are corroded by living in an atmosphere of unrelenting contention - an argument culture.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Atmosphere
Contention
Unrelenting
Spirits
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Communication is a continual balancing act, juggling the conflicting needs for intimacy and independence
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Communication
Independence
Cogs
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I'm a linguist. I study how people talk to each other and how the ways we talk affect our relationships.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Affect
People Talk How
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In some ways, siblings, and especially sisters, are more influential in your childhood than your parents.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Influential
Sibling
Sisters
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There is more excitement, more amazement when a first is born. No subsequent babies can have that impact.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Amazement
Excitement
Babies
Subsequent
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In an ongoing relationship, each current criticism packs the punches of all the others that have gone before.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Criticism
Gone
Ongoing
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Maybe we're kind of predisposed to think that anything a politician does is calculated and therefore suspect.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Calculated
Suspect
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More men feel comfortable doing "public speaking," while more women feel comfortable doing "private" speaking.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Men
Feels
Public Speaking
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All conversation, in addition to whatever else it does, displays, and asks for recognition of, our competence.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Conversation
Doe
Recognition
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Girls are not accustomed to jockeying for status in an obvious way; they are more concerned that they be liked.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Girl
Obvious
Way
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The key to conversation at work is flexibility and understanding how what you say might be perceived by others.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Keys
Might
Understanding
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I can't tell you how many times I heard from younger sisters that their older sisters were bossy and judgmental.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Bossy
Judgmental
Sisters
How Many Times
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Public discourse requires making an argument for a point of view, not having an argument - as in having a fight.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Argument
Fighting
Views
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People vary. You change your style, your hair, and the way you dress. Talking differently will be a part of that.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Vary
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The trickiest thing about the double bind is that it operates imperceptibly, like shots from a gun with a silencer.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Gun
Bind
Double
Imperceptibly
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The meanings of words and the uses of words come from practice from the way people in a given culture use those words.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Meanings
Uses
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The biggest mistake is believing there is one right way to listen, to talk, to have a conversation - or a relationship.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Relationship
Communication
Believe
Biggest Mistake
Conversation
Mistake
Right Way
Talk
Believing
Biggest
Listen
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You're not from Puerto Rico, so you should say Puerto Rico like all the other people from the place that you come from.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Puerto Rico
Rico
Puerto
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Asian cultures... place great value on avoiding open expression of disagreement and conflict because they emphasize harmony.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Avoiding
Conflict
Disagreement
Great Value
Harmony
Cultures
Emphasize
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It's a particularly modern myth that married people are best friends. The best-friend concept is a uniquely female phenomena.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Female
Married
Myth
Concept
Phenomena
Particularly
Married People
Uniquely
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Life is a matter of dealing with other people, in little matters and cataclysmic ones, and that means a series of conversations.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Littles
Mean
People
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The dynamic of fathers and sons seems to be more around competition regarding things such as knowledge, accomplishments, expertise.
Deborah Tannen / Professor
Expertise
Accomplishments
Dynamic
Fathers
Regarding
Sons
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