Quotes by Dick Gregory - Page 3

When I went south in the 1960s, I knew I could die. If I went down there and did what I did up in Chicago and made all of those hatin' white folks laugh, then I would have been defeated.
Dick Gregory / Comedian
Chicago
Laughing
White
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Don't have a high school diploma? You're in my Cabinet. Why? For 200 years, a lot of Cabinets have existed in our government. Powerful men. Well-educated. So let's try something totally new.
Dick Gregory / Comedian
Men
Powerful
School
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I was born and raised in St. Louis, and this little town, eight blocks away, place no one ever heard of, a black man there commands the attention of the world for months? That ain't my world.
Dick Gregory / Comedian
Men
Block
Eight
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We thought I was going to be a great athlete, and we were wrong, and I thought I was going to be a great entertainer, and that wasn't it either. I'm going to be an American Citizen. First class.
Dick Gregory / Comedian
Athlete
Class
First Class
Firsts
American Citizen
Citizen
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[A politician is] a person skilled in the art of compromise. Usually an elected official who has compromised to get nominated, compromised to get elected, and compromised repeatedly to stay in office.
Dick Gregory / Comedian
Art
Compromise
Office
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We used to root for the Indians against the cavalry, because we didn't think it was fair in the history books that when the cavalry won it was a great victory, and when the Indians won it was a massacre.
Dick Gregory / Comedian
History
Book
Cavalry
History Books
Roots
Thinking
Victory
Won
Fair
Indians
Massacre
Root
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I would never teach a child of mine to be kind to a cop who would shoot you in the back of the head. I would never have that conversation because children don't hear what you mean, they hear what you say.
Dick Gregory / Comedian
Be Kind
Children
Mean
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I believe young voters will either vote for Obama or not vote at all. So the problem is not Obama the problem is the system. If you think about how mess up this country is most folk really don’t have choices.
Dick Gregory / Comedian
Believe
Country
Thinking
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Let me tell you, never before in the history of this planet has anybody made the progress that African-Americans have made in a 30-year period, in spite of many black folks and white folks lying to one another.
Dick Gregory / Comedian
Folks
Lying
Progress
Spite
White
Years
Anybody
Period
History Black Me
Planet
The History Of
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The only thing I like about St. Louis is it has the best zoo in America, in Forest Park. Washington University is next door to the zoo. Animals get out, they're going to eat white people before they get to the ghetto!
Dick Gregory / Comedian
Zoos
Animal
Doors
Ghetto
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I go to Chinese Christian community. Jesus looks Chinese. I go to Japanese Christian community. Jesus looks Japanese. I go to Brazilian Christian community. Jesus looks Brazilian. How come in America Jesus looks white?
Dick Gregory / Comedian
Jesus
Christian
White
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Black Americans are the only people in history who are for education instead of liberation. George Washington wasn't beating up on British for the right to open a college! The line isn't "Give me education or give me death."
Dick Gregory / Comedian
College
Giving
People
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Revolution ain't nothing but an extent of evolution; Evolution is a fact of nature. So when old folks tell me that they don't understand hip hop and the music is too loud, well I guess it means you're not supposed to be in there.
Dick Gregory / Comedian
Hip Hop
Mean
Revolution
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Last time I was down South I walked into this restaurant, and this white waitress came up to me and said: 'We don't serve colored people here.' "I said: 'that's all right, I don't eat colored people. Bring me a whole fried chicken.
Dick Gregory / Comedian
Lasts
People
White
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I don't know why America always thinks she has to run all around the world forcing people to take our way of governance at the barrel of a gun. When you've got something really good, you don't have to force it on people. They will steal it!
Dick Gregory / Comedian
Running
Gun
Thinking
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You hear entertainers all the time, saying, 'If I couldn't get paid for this, I'd do it for free.' When's the last time you ever heard a business person say, 'If I couldn't get paid for being chairman of British Petroleum, I'd do it for free'?
Dick Gregory / Comedian
British
Business Person
Chairman
Entertainers
Heard
Last Time
Lasts
Paid
Petroleum
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A friend of mine who works for naval intelligence said an aerial satellite revealed that 1.9 million attended the event in 1995. But if they would have had a rumble at the march the newspapers would have said that 75 million Afro-Americans were there.
Dick Gregory / Comedian
Intelligence
Afros
Events
March
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Civil Rights: What black folks are given in the U.S. on the installment plan, as in civil-rights bills. Not to be confused with human rights, which are the dignity, stature, humanity, respect, and freedom belonging to all people by right of their birth.
Dick Gregory / Comedian
Respect
Confused
People
Rights
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I chose to be an agitator. And there's one interesting thing about being an agitator - and I tell people - the next time you put your underwear in the washing machine, take the agitator out, and all you're going to end up with is some dirty, wet drawers.
Dick Gregory / Comedian
Dirty
Interesting
People
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Nature is not affected by finance. If someone offered you ten thousand dollars to let them touch your eyeball without blinking, you would never collect the money. At the very last moment, Nature would force you to blink your eye. Nature will protect her own.
Dick Gregory / Comedian
Money
Dollars
Eye
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If you take 12 waters from the coconut - not the ones you buy in the store, although that's good - but the fresh coconuts, the little brown ones with the three eyes, if you take 12 of those within 24 hours, your blood will go back to the way it was when you were born.
Dick Gregory / Comedian
Blood
Born
Brown
Eye
Hours
Three
Water
Little
Good Your Will
Within
Good Eyes Your
Although
Back
Buy
Coconut
Eyes
Fresh
Store
Waters
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Black folks tell their kids they have to be twice as good as a white person? Well, if I tell a child of mine that, or that they have to be careful - that this is what a cop would do if you do this - they think something is wrong with them. I tell them death is better.
Dick Gregory / Comedian
Kids
Children
Thinking
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White folks are the luckiest people: Finally a black president and he's a behaved one. Went to the best schools, best colleges, never raises his voice. I ran for president in 1968. I tell (audiences) if I won, I would have dug up the Rose Garden and planted watermelon!
Dick Gregory / Comedian
College
Garden
School
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Because I'm a civil rights activist, I am also an animal rights activist. Animals and humans suffer and die alike. Violence causes the same pain, the same spilling of blood, the same stench of death, the same arrogant, cruel and vicious taking of life. We shouldn't be a part of it.
Dick Gregory / Comedian
Animal
Pain
Rights
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If I had to write down the most important people in the history of this planet, No.1 would be (abolitionist) John Brown. Why? Because he's a white man who said he would die for the cause, because they could take him, but they weren't going to take his grandchildren. That brother was beautiful.
Dick Gregory / Comedian
Beautiful
Brother
Writing
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I went to Ethiopia, and it dawned on me that you can tell a starving, malnourished person because they've got a bloated belly and a bald head. And I realized that if you come through any American airport and see businessmen running through with bloated bellies and bald heads, that's malnutrition, too.
Dick Gregory / Comedian
Running
Airports
Ethiopia
Malnutrition
Romance
Starving
Airport
Me See Person
Bald
Bellies
Bloated
Businessmen
Dawned
Head
Realized
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...Humans were the only creatures in the world that ate their food cooked. You'd never find a Gorilla frying up some bananas for dinner or a lion charcoal-broiling a zebra steak. Cats don't often run to the oven with a mouse or bird they've captured, and a dog wouldn't naturally prepare its rabbit dinner in a stew.
Dick Gregory / Comedian
Running
Zebras
Cat
Dog
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In the United States, the Constitution is a health chart left by the Founding Fathers which shows whether or not the body politic is in good health. If the national body is found to be in poor health, the Founding Fathers also left a prescription for the restoration of health called the Declaration of Independence.
Dick Gregory / Comedian
Independence
Father
United States
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Now here's what I'm saying: I've always believed that every other month we hear about compromisation of bank records, I think that's the CIA and the FBI. Now let me tell you why I'm saying this. I don't believe no insignificant pip-squeak is going to be able to pull this off month after month and we can't find out what's going on.
Dick Gregory / Comedian
Believe
Cia
Fbi
Insignificant
Records
Thinking
Always Believe Me
Month
Bank
Believed
Believe Always Me
Believe Me Always
Pull
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People keep telling me about the white race and the black race - and it really doesn't make sense. I played Miami, met a fellow two shades darker than me - and his name was Ginsberg! Took my place in two sit-in demonstrations - nobody knew the difference. The he tried for a third lunch counter and blew the whole bit ... asked for blintzes.
Dick Gregory / Comedian
Names
Race
Two
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My wife and I went to jail in Selma. The difference when I was back there recently? White folks? No. Black folks who were not scared. I was behind the president this time. When I was a little boy and ran around with trifling dudes, I was the only one scared of dogs. And I was bitten 14 times! Dogs smell scared. And that's the same thing with people: 50 years ago they smelled fear. There was no fear this time.
Dick Gregory / Comedian
Boys
Dog
Years
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Dick Gregory Quotes - Page 3

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