Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.
Say Goodnight Gracie.
Young. Old. Just Words.
Life's but a day at most.
How can I die? I'm booked.
At my age flowers scare me.
Be quick to learn and wise to know.
Critics are eunuchs at a gang bang.
I get a standing ovation just standing
I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
I'd rather be over the hill than under it.
As long as you're working, you stay young.
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.
The heart is a temple wherein all truth resides.
I never go jogging, it makes me spill my martini.
Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
How did I ever get sick? I've already had everything.
It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.
Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
If I paid $3 or $4 for a cigar, first I'd sleep with it.
Young. Old. Just words. Inside we feel like our shoe size.
My best advice: Fall in love with what you do for a living.
Sex can be fun after eighty, after ninety, and after lunch!
You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
There are two kinds of cruises - pleasure and with children.
Happiness is a dry martini and a good woman ... or a bad woman.
I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.
There are many ways to die in bed, but the best way is not alone.
With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.
I would read Playboy more often, but my glasses keep steaming up.
You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.
Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left
Take care not to wear stripes that are out of sync with your wrinkles.
If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.
I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.
Define your business goals clearly so that others can see them as you do.
I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
Sex is the Universal Language in which nobody speaks; they don't have to.
This is all so exciting I've decided to keep making one movie every 36 years.
I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.
I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
Everyday happiness means you can't wait to come home, because the soup is hot.
Joy is obtaining a big, loving, caring shut-knit household in yet another town.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem.
