Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
A newspaper is a device for making the ignorant more ignorant and the crazy crazier.
A great nation is any mob of people which produces at least one honest man a century.
The final test of truth is ridicule. Very few dogmas have ever faced it and survived.
The common argument that crime is caused by poverty is a kind of slander on the poor.
No sane man objects to palpable lies about him; what he objects to is damaging facts.
For me to go into politics would be like sending a virgin into a house of ill-repute.
He sailed through American history like a steel ship loaded with monoliths of granite.
A prohibitionist is the sort of man one couldn't care to drink with, even if he drank.
I've made it a rule never to drink by daylight and never to refuse a drink after dark.
Those who can't teach - administrate. Those who can't administrate - go into politics.
The great secret of happiness in love is to be glad that the other fellow married her.
The military caste did not originate as a party of patriots, but as a party of bandits
Socialist: A man suffering from an overwhelming conviction to believe what is not true.
Women have a hard enough time in this world: telling them the truth would be too cruel.
The real charm of the United States is that it is the only comic country ever heard of.
Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too.
I know of no existing nation that deserves to live, and I know of very few individuals.
The common notion that free speech prevails in the United States always makes me laugh.
Culture itself is neither education nor law-making: it is an atmosphere and a heritage.
A tin horn politician with the manner of a rural corn doctor and the mien of a ham actor
A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground.
Philosophy first constructs a scheme of happiness and then tries to fit the world to it.
The verdict of a jury is the a priori opinion of that juror who smokes the worst cigars.
Next to the semi-colon, quotation marks seem to be the chief butts of reformatory ardor.
There is something even more valuable to civilization than wisdom, and that is character.
Platitude: an idea (a) that is admitted to be true by everyone, and (b) that is not true.
The chief business of the nation, as a nation, is the setting up of heroes, mainly bogus.
Poverty is a soft pedal upon the branches of human activity, not excepting the spiritual.
Democracy must be a sound scheme at bottom, else it would not survive such cruel strains.
Whenever A annoys or injures B on the pretense of saving or improving X, A is a scoundrel.
Whenever a reporter is assigned to cover a Methodist conference, he comes home an atheist.
A bad artist almost always tries to conceal his incompetence by whooping up a new formula.
The great artists of the world are never Puritans, and seldom even ordinarily respectable.
There is always a well-known solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.
In any combat between a rogue and a fool the sympathy of mankind is always with the rogue.
I know of no human being who has a better time than an eager and energetic young reporter.
What the meaning of human life may be I don't know: I incline to suspect that it has none.
Man's objection to love is that it dies hard: women's, that when it is dead it stays dead.
Any man who afflicts the human race with ideas must be prepared to see them misunderstood.
There's really no point to voting. If it made any difference, it would probably be illegal.
A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks; a woman loses hers after four kisses.
The only way to success in American public life lies in flattering and kowtowing to the mob
Pastor: One employed by the wicked to prove to them by his example that virtue doesn't pay.
Philadelphia is the most pecksniffian of American cities, and thus probably leads the world.
A man full of faith is simply one who has lost the capacity for clear and realistic thought.
The law is a sort of hocus-pocus science that smiles in your face while it picks your pocket.
The objection to a Communist always resolves itself into the fact that he is not a gentleman.
The worst of marriage is that it makes a woman believe that all men are just as easy to fool.
All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it.
No matter how long he lives, no man ever becomes as wise as the average woman of forty-eight.