Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Life is a constant oscillation between the sharp horns of dilemmas.
The instant I reach Heaven, I'm going to speak to God very sharply.
I go on working for the same reason that a hen goes on laying eggs.
There's no underestimating the intelligence of the American public.
To every complex question there is a simple answer and it is wrong.
It is only doubt that creates. It is only the minority that counts.
The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist Jack.
To denounce moralizing out of hand is to pronounce a moral judgment.
The Public ... demands certainties ... But there are not certainties
Self-respect: the secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious.
The most common of all follies is to believe in the palpably untrue.
America's biggest failure is its inability to take comedy seriously.
Poetry has done enough when it charms, but prose must also convince.
Misogynist: A man who hates women as much as women hate one another.
The scent of frying astronomers long ago ceased to ascend to Yahweh.
The first kiss is stolen by the man; the last is begged by the woman.
Self-respect - The secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious.
the average man does not want to be free. he simply wants to be safe.
A bad man is the sort who weeps every time he speaks of a good woman.
Wife: one who is sorry she did it, but would undoubtedly do it again.
As long as you represent me as praising alcohol I shall not complain.
When women kiss it always reminds one of prize fighters shaking hands.
Never let your inferiors do you a favor - it will be extremely costly.
Conscience is the accumulated sediment of ancestral faint- heartedness
The great achievement of liberal Protestantism was to make God boring.
The intelligent, like the unintelligent, are responsive to propaganda.
On one issue, at least, men and women agree. They both distrust women.
For every problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong.
After all is said and done, a hell lot of a lot more is said than done.
Jealousy is the theory that some other fellow has just as little taste.
Watching two women kiss is like watching two prizefighters shake hands.
I'm ombibulous. I drink every known alcoholic drink and enjoy them all.
It is more blessed to give than receive; for example, wedding presents.
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.
Looking for an honest politician is like looking for an ethical burglar.
Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
The truth that survives is simply the lie that is pleasantest to believe.
People say we need religion when what they really mean is we need police.
You never push a noun against a verb without trying to blow up something.
The liberation of the human mind has never been furthered by dunderheads.
Immortality is the condition of a dead man who doesn't believe he is dead
A nun, at best, is only half a woman, just as a priest is only half a man.
Conscience is the inner voice that warns us that someone might be looking.
Lawyer: one who protects us against robbery by taking away the temptation.
God must love the rich or he wouldn't divide so much among so few of them.
I roll out of my couch every morning with the more agreeable expectations.
The State doesn't just want you to obey, it wants to make you WANT to obey.
Deep within the heart of every evangelist lies the wreck of a car salesman.
It is the dull man who is always sure, and the sure man who is always dull.
Suicide is a belated acquiescence in the opinion of one's wife's relatives.