I collect spores, molds, and fungus.

You can't love somebody into a state of mental health.

I'd like to think I'd never do a gratuitous fart joke.

No one will laugh at how great things are for somebody.

I'm terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought.

I'd rather do comedies that strike at some bigger ideas.

Life doesn't care about your vision. You just gotta roll with it.

There's something very edgy about Bill Murray out there improvising.

I've always had that overweening desire to be liked by the audience.

Most people live somewhere on the spectrum of anxiety and depression.

I've always thought that comedy was just another dramatic expression.

The cutting room is where you discover the optimal length of the movie.

You don't have to know much, just a little bit more than everybody else.

I had a lot of fun working with John Candy. We had a pretty good rapport.

No matter what I have to say, I'm still trying to say it in comedic form.

You can't not have feelings about country clubs, whichever side you're on.

I always claim that the writer has done 90 percent of the director's work.

How one handles success or failure is determined by their early childhood.

Where's the great pay? Where's the travel? Where's the Winnebago, Goddamnit!

Just expressing contempt for your leaders doesn't really accomplish anything.

I never work just to work. It's some combination of laziness and self-respect.

Never hit anyone in anger, unless you're absolutely sure you can get away with it.

Nothing reinforces a professional relationship more than enjoying success with someone.

Most comedies are calculated. They tend to pander. They're not about anything important.

I never read Playboy before I started working there and stopped reading it the day I quit.

I'm not a believer in the pratfall. I don't think it's funny just to have someone fall down.

Everybody has a Bill Murray story. He just punishes people for reasons they can't figure out.

I met someone who said they'd figured out my genre: "madcap redemption comedy." I'll buy that.

I think of myself as a real writer, not just someone who dabbles in it, so I deserve some credit.

Whenever a critic mentions the salary of an actor, I'm thinking, He's not talking about the movie.

We are all several different people. There are different aspects of our nature that are competing.

I learned over the years that it's easy to appear smart referencing things that people don't know.

I can't imagine a successful comedy movie without a successful comedy performance at the heart of it.

My characters aren't losers. They're rebels. They win by their refusal to play by everyone else's rules.

The times change, and to the extent that comedy captures the spirit of the times, it will enjoy success.

Parents tell us things to protect us, or they educate us from their own misinformation or misconceptions.

The comic impulse is sometimes a reaction to sadness. You feel like you can make one choice or the other.

The simple idiot's advice I give to screenwriters who say they want to sell a screenplay is, 'Write good.'

I look for the meaning in what's funny, and I look for what's funny about things that are meaningful to me.

Acting is all about big hair and funny props... All the great actors knew it. Olivier knew it, Brando knew it.

Billy Crystal knows how to make people laugh. He's got 30 years on stage... there's no telling him what's funny.

I've been directing for 25 years almost, and I've only directed nine films in that time because I like to be careful.

I have no trouble selling out—I’m a benevolent hack, in a certain way—but I want to pander for something I believe in.

I would happily have done any of the 'Bourne Identity' sequels. There are good sequels, but I'm not good at making them.

Find the most talented person in the room and if it's not you, go stand next to him. Hang out with him. try to be helpful.

Once you're alienated, you're on your own. That takes you to the world of the existential, where things just kind of float.

My only conclusion about structure is that nothing works if you don't have interesting characters and a good story to tell.

I try to measure the amount of truth in a work rather than just looking at the generic distinction between comedy and drama.

Some people have a fear of rejecting all the security that comes with family, church and state. They become fundamentalists.

Most comedy is not very ambitious. You probably can't name more than a handful of comedies that would qualify for Best Picture.

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