I'll have that one, please.

Cynicism is the humour of hatred

Cynicism is the humor of hatred.

My poor fellow, why not carry a watch?

It depends on each and every one of me.

He is an old bore. Even the grave yawns for him.

Ladies, just a little more virginity, if you don't mind.

Every man is a potential genius until he does something.

A charming fellow, and so clever: he models himself on me.

The only man who wasn't spoilt by being lionized was Daniel.

People are too apt to treat God as if he were a minor royalty.

A committee should consist of three men, two of whom are absent.

A man never knows what a fool he is until he hears himself imitated by one.

I was born old and get younger every day. At present I am sixty years young.

A whipper-snapper of criticism who quoted dead languages to hide his ignorance of life.

Sirs, I have tested your machine. It adds a new terror to life and makes death a long-felt want.

When I pass my name in such large letters I blush, but at the same time instinctively raise my hat.

She kissed her way into society. I don't like her. But don't misunderstand me: my dislike is purely platonic.

Never say a humorous thing to a man who does not possess humor. He will always use it in evidence against you.

Never say a humorous thing to a man who does not possess humour: he will always use it in evidence against you.

God is a sort of burglar. As a young man you knock him down; as an old man you try to conciliate him, because he may knock you down.

As far as I could discover, the notion that a play could succeed without any further help from the actor than a simple impersonation of his part never occurred to Tree.

The national sport of England is obstacle-racing. People fill their rooms with useless and cumbersome furniture, and spend the rest of their lives in trying to dodge it.

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