Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
There's no down time any more.
I'll just have itchy, watery eyes!
Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.
I really don't require a whole lot in life.
It's like cuddling with a Butterball turkey.
If men have a smell it's usually an accident.
I love comedy. God has given me this platform.
I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
Redneck is: the glorious absence of sophistication
I wish I could relate to the people I'm related to.
You might be a redneck if your dogs name is Miller Light
Country music is about new love and it's about old love.
It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.
Little girls love dolls. They just don't love dolls clothes
You might be a redneck if you own at least 20 baseball hats.
We're a heart attack away from losing the right to bear arms.
It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.
Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?
Any job that posts a price list for your body parts is a bad job.
You might be a redneck if your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.
You might be a redneck if taking a dip has nothing to do with water.
I think for one thing, kids are a lot smarter now then we ever were.
You might be a redneck if The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
You might be a redneck if you have every episode of Hee Haw on tape.
If your biggest tax deduction was bail money, you might be a redneck.
You might be a redneck if you go to a Tupperware party for a haircut.
Kids aren't suppose to have cancer, they're suppose to have a future.
You might be a redneck if your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.
You might be a redneck if people hear your car long before they see it.
You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.
You might be a redneck if the UFO hotline limits you to one call a day.
You might be a redneck if your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
You might be a redneck if you think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
Comics don't usually have very long careers, and I'm 22 years into this.
If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.
If you have more fish on your wall than pictures, you might be a redneck.
You might be a redneck if your primary source of income is the pawn shop.
You might be a redneck if your parakeet knows the phrase Open up, Police!
You might be a redneck if your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.
You might be a redneck if you were shooting pool when your kids were born.
You might be a redneck if your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
You might be a redneck if you use a radiator hose to fix your kitchen sink.
Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.
You might be a redneck if you consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
You might be a redneck if...your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.
You might be a redneck if your birth announcement included the word rug rat.
You might be a redneck if you watch cartoons long after your kids get bored.
That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.