Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Everyone looks so much better when they smile.
I like doing energetic things.
I like being absurd. Being silly.
You gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Listening is more important than talking.
I'm not a big baseball fan, to be honest.
I got every Dan Shaughnessy book known to man.
Sometimes in a movie, the lines are so perfect.
I never sing in the shower. It's very dangerous.
You only think of the best comeback when you leave.
No-one gets beaten to death quite like Hilary Swank
I like to see people laugh who are normally serious.
Success is.... happiness. Is that too Deepak Chopra?
I'm going to North Pole to help out Santa this year.
Live your life by doing activities that are beneficial
I can't believe there are so many people who aren't us.
I like video games, I like tech, I like being positive.
I didn't act like I was there. I just got into the story.
Sandler's always good. Tom Hanks gave me some good advice.
I had a gun and I had to run and shoot, which is not easy.
I didn't invent the rainy day. I just own the best umbrella.
Success is just happiness. When you are happy, that is success.
Shouldn't every day be Earth Day? I mean, what are our options?
It's all about the script. Reality is key to me and less cutesy.
I sing in the car if I'm in LA, because you're like soundproofed.
I read one chapter of a book and put it down. Thank God for Kindle.
Today is 11/11/11, a date so simple even Rick Perry can remember it.
Leno, Conan. They are both really funny. They really know how to land one.
Got Bin Laden AND interrupted Celebrity Apprentice? Win for Obama all around.
I don't even read the papers. I read 'USA Today' because it has color photos.
...Being a father is the most exciting, amazing thing that ever happened to me.
I haven't been on a date in awhile. I went on maybe two dates in my whole life.
The one thing you shouldn't do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere.
Sometimes I wish I had a terrible childhood, so that at least I'd have an excuse.
I like living with myself. I mean obviously, because here I am interviewing myself.
I just really don't like being the center of attention that much. It's kind of ironic.
Thinking about all that - what it means to be happy - I think it overloaded your brain.
God invented mankind because he loved silly stories. Ralph Steadman I like being absurd.
Thank you, horseradish, for being neither a radish nor a horse. What you are is a liar food.
My dream was to grow up and get a job at IBM, like my dad. That seemed like a logical dream.
Honestly, I just want to keep people awake. Or at least give you one joke to go to bed with.
'Have fun' is my message. Be silly. You're allowed to be silly. There's nothing wrong with it.
I feel like I'm being too Zen. I'm inhaling too much patchouli and incense. It's embarrassing.
Happy birthday to Arnold Palmer, who turned 82. That's 41 years iced tea and 41 years lemonade.
Look, I know these Rick Perry jokes are a little mean, but tomorrow, he won't even remember them.
I became a Yankees fan for a few years. But now, I gotta say, I'm really rooting for the Red Sox.
Thank you 'adults who wear back packs' for letting me know that I don't have to take you seriously
I grew up in an Irish Catholic family, and I think they force you to watch every James Cagney movie.
I don't shoot guns. I don't know how to do that. I grew Upstate New York, so I fought with my fists.
Thank you... fantasy football draft, for letting me know that even in my fantasies, I am bad at sports.
