Quotes by Jimmy Fallon - Page 3

Iran said it will give up trying to make a nuclear weapon. But it got awkward when Iran said, 'But just for Lent. We'll start again on Monday.'
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Giving Up
Iran
Monday
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Listening is more important than talking. Just hit your mark and believe what you say. Just listen to people and react to what they are saying.
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Believe
Important
Mark
People
Talking
Hit
Listen
Believe People Important
React
Saying
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Oh here's an idea: let's make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine's Day. That's not weird at all.
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Valentine
Funny Valentines Day
Ideas
People
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President Obama is getting a new limousine that will have advanced night-vision capabilities. The technology even has a cool name ... headlights.
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Technology
Names
Night
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I honestly, purposely have not gone to therapy because I know some crazy stuff's going to be dragged up and, you know, I'll be like, 'Wait, what?'
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Crazy
Gone
Honestly
Therapy
Waiting
Dragged
Purposely
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Arizona just became the 15th state to approve medical marijuana. So I give it three days before they stop caring about the whole immigration thing.
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Caring
Giving
Marijuana
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Starbucks is planning to close down all the restrooms in its New York locations. Which explains the most popular new Starbucks order: An empty cup.
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
New York
Cups
Location
Order
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This week, a 95-year-old woman married a 98-year-old man to become the world's oldest newlyweds. They're registered at Bed, Sponge Bath and Beyond.
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Age
Men
Years
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The BP president said yesterday that the company would survive. That's like someone running over your dog and saying, 'Don't worry, my car is fine.'
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Running
Dog
Yesterday
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If you're a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for your team. They don't have a choice.
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Dating
Sports
Girlfriend
Sports Fan
Team
Somebody
Fan
Choice
Meet
Realize
Root
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This week Biden said that he will decide on a potential 2016 presidential campaign by the spring or the summer. Then he said, 'Whichever comes first.'
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Presidential
Spring
Summer
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The White House is apparently pushing to create more Latino-themed landmarks. Now that's in addition to our current Latino-themed landmark, California.
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
California
House
White
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Researchers here in New York created a robot that actually passed a self-awareness test. So if you're keeping score, that's robots: 1, Donald Trump, 0.
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
New York
Robots
Self
Tests
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I, of course, wanted to do something with Drew Barrymore. Please. So we were reading scripts back and forth and then we found this script, Fever Pitch.
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Fever
Please
Scripts
Drew
Drew Barrymore
Forth
Script
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A house panel in Texas has approved full marijuana legalization for the state. Yeah, meaning Texas could go from having dude ranches to 'Dude, ranches.'
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
House
Marijuana
Texas
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Nissan is recalling almost 135,000 Infiniti G35s to address an airbag problem. When Toyota heard that, they said, 'Airbags! I knew we forgot something.'
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Addresses
Airbags
Problem
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Thank you... adjustable baseball caps with no logo on the front and mesh netting in the back, for being a great way to say, 'Hi, I'm over 80 years old.'
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Thank You
Baseball
Caps
Mesh
Way
Years
Great Way
Hi
Thank
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I read that as marijuana legalization becomes more popular, it could affect the jobs of drug-sniffing dogs. Or as those dogs put it, 'Thanks, Bo Obama.'
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Jobs
Dog
Marijuana
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The running across the field thing, that was the first scene we shot in the movie. We asked the audience to stay for the scene, and 37,000 people stayed.
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Scene
Shot
Stayed
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I, of course, wanted to do something with Drew Barrymore. Please. So we were reading scripts back and forth and then we found this script, Fever Pitch...
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Fever
Reading
Scripts
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Congrats to Prince William and Kate Middleton, who welcomed a baby girl on Saturday. The royal baby weighed eight pounds - or around 12 American dollars.
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Girl
Baby
Eight
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Rick Perry said Donald Trump is unfit to be president and called for him to immediately withdraw from the race. Then he said, 'And that's coming from ME!'
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
President
Race
Trump
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Disney World is celebrating its 40th birthday! You can tell the characters are getting old. In addition to Snow White's seven dwarfs, she now has 25 cats.
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Cat
Character
White
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Thank you... Apple, for adding a camera to the iPod Nano. Now it's just like the iPhone except it can't make calls. So basically, it's just like the iPhone.
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Thank You
Apples
Iphone
Ipods
Adding
Apple
Calls
Thank
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Joe Biden was spotted with a bruise on his face that was apparently caused by his dog. I guess they collided when they both went after the same tennis ball.
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Balls
Dog
Tennis
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Steven Spielberg is going to release a biopic about Abraham Lincoln next year. Right, that's a good way to honor Lincoln by sending people to the theater.
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Funny
People
Years
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The 'Tonight Show' didn't seem like an actual job that you could have. All you remember is you watched Johnny Carson, and you never thought he would retire.
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Jobs
Remember
Tonight
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The Pentagon banned the army from using Chinese-made berets. In a more veiled slap at the Chinese, the Pentagon also banned any alternative form of checkers.
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Alternatives
Army
Chinese
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Donald Trump told ABC news that if he had Oprah as a running mate, they could easily win. Although you know who'd definitely win? Oprah WITHOUT Donald Trump.
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Running
News
Winning
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Researches at Yale found a connection between brain cancer and work environment. The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? Plutonium hat model.
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Jobs
Brain
Cancer
Developing
Environment
Plutonium
Work Environment
Yale
Connection
Model
Hat
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In her new book, Sarah Palin says she once gave up chocolate for an entire year just to prove she could do it. Still think she's not qualified to be President?
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Book
Thinking
Years
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According to a new poll, 48 percent of Americans believe that Hillary Clinton is honest and trustworthy. Then Hillary said, 'Actually I just made that poll up.'
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Believe
Honest
Trustworthy
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NASA is developing space taxis to shuttle astronauts to the International Space Station. And just like New York taxis, they're all going to be driven by aliens.
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
New York
Space
Aliens
Astronaut
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Politics is pop. Our job as comedians - especially me, as a late-night talk show, which is a broader audience - is to amplify what we think America is thinking.
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Jobs
Amplify
Audience
Late Night
Night
Thinking
Talk
Broader
Comedians
Late-Night Talk
Late-Night Talk Show
Talk Show
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I read that yesterday, the Mexican peso hit its lowest point since March of 2009. In fact, things got so bad, it was seen leaving a bar with the American dollar.
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Money
Mexican
Yesterday
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The Illinois Senate passed a bill on Wednesday to legalize medical marijuana. The bill was passed after the state senator said, 'Come on, dude, pass it. Come on.'
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Bills
Illinois
Marijuana
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There's a growing trend of older Americans who are using marijuana in their retirement. That makes sense because old people are always talking about their joints.
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Marijuana
Retirement
Talking
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BP wants Twitter to shut down a fake BP account that is mocking the oil company. In response, Twitter wants BP to shut down the oil leak that's ruining the ocean.
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Ocean
Fake
Oil
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A new study found that students who are taught abstinence end up with better math scores. Of course, if you join the math team, the abstinence takes care of itself.
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Care
Math
Team
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The U.S. government is selling $30 billion worth of fighter jets to Saudi Arabia. Yeah, it's part of a new initiative called, 'Operation Regret This In Five Years.'
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Government
Regret
Years
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The favorite to win the Olympic gold medal in archery is a legally blind athlete from South Korea, mainly because everyone else is too scared to compete next to him.
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Funny
Athlete
Winning
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Yesterday on CNN, Joe Biden said he hasn't made up his mind about whether he'll run for president in 2016. Which raises the question: 'Who was raising that question?'
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Running
Cnn
Yesterday
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Ben Carson actually lost a tooth. Which explains why he said that under his leadership, Americans would be entitled to 'life, liberty, and the purthuit of happineth.'
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Ben Carson
Liberty
Teeth
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A new survey out says 64 percent of Americans own a smartphone. Which is interesting because in a related survey, 100 percent of smart phones say they own an American.
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Interesting
Phones
Smart
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Thank you hard taco shells for surviving the long journey from factory, to supermarket, to my plate and then breaking the moment I put something inside you. Thank you.
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Journey
Long
Shells
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Ted Cruz raised over a million dollars after announcing that he's running for president. Which is why today RadioShack announced that it is also running for president.
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Running
Dollars
President
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Trump is running for president and he's wasting no time getting down to business. In fact, just after his announcement he demanded to see Jeb Bush's birth certificate.
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Running
Facts
President
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President Obama had beer with four unemployed construction workers. And Obama asked the guys what was it like to lose their jobs, and they were like, 'Oh, you'll see.'
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Jobs
Beer
Construction Workers
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A new study found that women think men holding a guitar are more attractive, even if they are not playing it. In a related story, guys with an accordion will die alone.
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Men
Guitar
Thinking
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Here's a little bit of good news. The Coast Guard says that BP is now catching up to 630,000 gallons of oil a day. The bad news is that they're capturing it with ducks.
Jimmy Fallon / Television Host
Ducks
News
Oil
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Jimmy Fallon Quotes - Page 3

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