Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I like to pace onstage.
Things don't exist until they exist.
Why do people shush animals? Theyve never spoken
Understudies don't normally get invited to openings.
Being president looks like the worst job in the world.
I still like to turn on the TV and watch whatever's on.
Everyone's very relaxed about brand names in television.
I like that idea that what I do might be mainstream. Might be.
I don't make plans anymore. So I'm not living minute to minute.
Excuse me: I am homeless. I am gay. I have AIDS. I'm new in town.
In terms of, like, instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin.
I look back on being 17 and think, 'Oh my God, how did I not die?'
I like when things are crazy. Something good comes out of exhaustion.
People having expectations maybe means they've enjoyed what I've done.
Maybe I just have high self-esteem, but I have a lot that I really enjoy.
I'm pretty self-critical about everything I've ever done: stand-up, 'SNL.'
Things have to be funny first, and if they want to have a point, that's awesome.
I have a lot of stories about being a kid because it was the last time I was interesting.
It's really fun to be writing and producing your own sketches. You almost have more control.
I kind of thought, wouldn't it be funny to take a swing at being on the weird side of mainstream?
Nick Kroll, A.D. Miles, Chelsea Peretti - those were the people I was always doing open mics with.
Part of standup is being loose and having a good time yourself and that translates to the audience.
The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with how you still fail at it a lot of the time.
You all have a relative who is an expert even though they really don't know what they're talking about.
I never knew you were supposed to push off of your feet when you walked. And I tried it, and I walked much faster.
If you’re comparing the badness of two words and you won’t even say one of them [the n-word], that’s the worse word.
You can do good work simply staying up all night and eating nothing but junk food, but probably not in the long term.
In every case, I find pre-planning noble, but not always that useful in comedy. You know comedy once you're doing it.
I have tons of jokes with moments in them over the years in stand-up that don't get a laugh but I love them so they stay.
I was always the squarest person in the cool room, and alternatively, sometimes the weirder person at the mainstream table.
I just watched a ton of comedy and saw a ton of different styles, and eventually you think, 'Oh, yeah, I could be like that.'
I'm a very straightforward person. But that's fine for a comedian. Because a lot of times you're talking about everyone else.
All my money is in a savings account. My dad has explained the stock market to me maybe 75 times. I still don't understand it.
My standup persona is like I'll heighten things, but I'm observing the world as it is in sort of a heightened emotional state.
With the first episode [of John Mulaney Show] I tell a story that happened to me accidentally chasing a woman down the subway.
My childhood was completely dominated by Bill Clinton and the OJ trial. I don't think we had a family dinner where one didn't come up.
Ill book a ticket on some garbage airline. I dont wanna name an actual airline so lets make one up, lets just call it like Delta Airlines
I'm a very lucky person. I'm an idiot, and I've shoveled through life rather nicely so far, so I don't feel like I deserve good treatment.
My dad is and was very funny and had a really dry sense of humor, which, as a kid, seemed un-fun. But in retrospect, it's kind of hilarious.
You can't always see both sides of the story. Eventually, you have to pick a side and stick with it. No more equivocating. You have to commit.
I do longer runs on things, a lot stories. I really like one-liners, I like a lot of different kinds of standup but I've always been long-winded.
I always wanted it to be multi-cam from the beginning. In the first seeds of the idea, I wanted a live audience, multi-cam show. That was very important for me.
I like making fun of myself a lot. I like being made fun of, too. I've always enjoyed it. There's just something really, really funny about someone tearing into me.
I wish I could go tell 12-year-old me like I don't worry that you just fainted in front of all the girls, one day you'll be able to make this into an episode of TV.
I've done festivals in the past where I'd be a guest, it was like, Wow, maybe someday I could play Town Hall - but that'll be a long way off. So it's very exciting.
Stand-up for me is just my opinions on things, so it wouldnt be as fun translated into a sketch. Nor would a sketch be as fun if it were me standing there saying it.
If someone had written a review saying, ''Oh, Hello' is stupid,' we would have said, 'Yeah, it is. You're absolutely right.' That people liked it was extremely cool.
Stand-up for me is just my opinions on things, so it wouldn't be as fun translated into a sketch. Nor would a sketch be as fun if it were me standing there saying it.
I had a lot of fun writing things that died during dress rehearsal. Sometimes I remember the crazy ones that died even more fondly than the ones that did really well.
Having done stand-up on television and in stand-up specials for like Comedy Central, you learn quickly that for that type of performance you're playing to the camera.