Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I think pimp, therefore i am.
All comedy comes from a dark place.
If you didn't laugh at Jared Fogle, then you would cry.
If your pussy was so good, you would drive a better car.
He comes back with the script, and it's racist like a 1940's Newspaper.
White people, you did not get a receipt for niggas, you can not return us!
Buy a condom, ribbed for her pleasure. Turn it inside out, now it's ribbed for your pleasure.
America is a bunch o' bullies. Tell me what the Iraq uniform is like. Don't worry, I'll wait.
I apologize for the fact that the word ‘anti-Mexican’ is being said to a black guy in America.
Aspirin is perfectly legal, but if you take 13 of them motherf***ers, it'll be your last headache.
I go where people are hurting. I stand on the stage, and I make people laugh for an hour and a half.
Just hit the blunt one time and see if it don't change your perception on whats important in your life.
Golf is a game with morals. There's always an opportunity to be a scoundrel. That's why it's a gentleman's game.
A woman gets stretch marks from one of two things. Either she was big and got small or she was small and got big.
That is the job of a comedian: To take unpleasant subject matter and forcibly, with his hands, wring the funny out of it.
Genius is often called crazy, but crazy is never called genius. So you just have to put out the work and let the chips fall where they may.
Invisibility is the only thing that fame cost me. I used to be able to go places and blend in. Anonymity is something you lose on this side of things.
My legs tired, ain't your legs tired!? His legs ain't Tired! He Just... Tinktinktinktinktinktink, TinktinkTinktinkTinktink!! Just paperclips and Sparks everywhere!
The past is something for you to learn from and the future is something that you hope is going to happen, but I'm always speaking to my actual fans in present tense.
There's only winning and losing, and in our society, as in all societies, there's the person that's doing the winning, or there's the person that's facilitating the winning.
Hello?... No I'm sorry no Shaquita here. Well what number did you dial?.. No it's a nine not a seven... Well try it if it doest work call me back we'll figure this thing out.
My name is "A Pimp named Slickback" Wait... A Pimp?? ... Named Slickback. Yes, please say the whole thing if you would. Yes, that includs the "A Pimp Named" part. Yes Tom, everytime.
I'm a grown man. I do whatever I feel like doing with my hair. And if for some reason you feel like there's a magnet and you should have something to say to me, then more power to you. I hope you're prepared.
You can't even go to Heaven if you get killed by Spinach, you can't even go. You don't even know what to tell Jesus. You Just 'You know what Jesus, I did have a salad, I really Did I- I Didn't know what I was thinking about.
I have yet to meet someone who was successful who was even slightly negative. That comes from a muscle training. You can work on negativity and weed it out of your life. I've noticed that all of the people who acted as if they were going to be gone too soon, were gone too soon.
I'm able to behave like the guy you see onstage although that's not my entire existence. I might be a portion of that guy. At home, quiet prevails. It's incense, candles and birds chirping. Everything's done to maximize peace and tranquility, because we know when we exit those doors, it's going to be a whole different energy.
I can remember thinking, at the age of 3, that I invented the concept of lying. By a brilliant thought process, I figured that I could fib and avoid the repercussions for something I had done, because lying meant that it never happened. However, by the time I was 5, I came to hate lying and to think of it as the worst thing in the world. That's my earliest memory. Weird, but true!