Quotes by Ken Dodd - Page 1

My teeth are all my own. I've just finished paying for them.
Ken Dodd / Comedian
Finished
My Own
Teeth
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I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.
Ken Dodd / Comedian
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Television is like a great monster, eating your gags as fast as you say them.
Ken Dodd / Comedian
Eating
Monsters
Television
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The trouble with Freud is that he never played the Glasgow Empire Saturday night.
Ken Dodd / Comedian
Empires
Night
Trouble
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I told the Inland Revenue I didn't owe them a penny because I lived near the seaside.
Ken Dodd / Comedian
Pennies
Revenue
Taxation
Taxes
Lived
Inland
Owe
Near
Penny
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I haven't spoken to my mother-in-law for eighteen months-I don't like to interrupt her.
Ken Dodd / Comedian
Law
Months
Mother
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Men's legs have a terribly lonely life - standing in the dark in your trousers all day.
Ken Dodd / Comedian
Men
Dark
Lonely
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Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother.
Ken Dodd / Comedian
Funny
Family
Mother
Witty
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My act is very educational. I heard a man leaving the other night saying, 'Well that taught me a lesson.'
Ken Dodd / Comedian
Funny
Educational
Night
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Did you know that a laugh is something that comes out of a hole in your face? Anywhere else and you're in dead trouble!
Ken Dodd / Comedian
Faces
Laughing
Trouble
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If I get a hard audience they are not going to get away until they laugh. Those seven laughs a minute -- Ive got to have them.
Ken Dodd / Comedian
Funny
Humor
Laughing
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If I get a hard audience they are not going to get away until they laugh. Those seven laughs a minute - I've got to have them.
Ken Dodd / Comedian
Laugh
Laughs
Minute
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Comedy should never be over-analysed. It's either funny or it isn't. There's a subtle difference between those who say funny things and those who say things funny.
Ken Dodd / Comedian
Comedy
Differences
Funny Things
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I had an idyllic childhood and when my parents bought me a Punch and Judy Show and a ventriloquist's dummy, I'd perform anywhere, anytime. My parents were wonderful when I told them I wanted to be an entertainer.
Ken Dodd / Comedian
Childhood
Idyllic
Parent
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Laughter is the greatest music in the world and audiences come to my shows to escape the cares of life. They don't want to be embarrassed or insulted. They want to laugh and so do I - which is probably why it works.
Ken Dodd / Comedian
Laughing
Laughter
World
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Freud's theory was that when a joke opens a window and all those bats and bogeymen fly out, you get a marvellous feeling of relief and elation. The trouble with Freud is that he never had to play the old Glasgow Empire on a Saturday night after Rangers and Celtic had both lost.
Ken Dodd / Comedian
Funny
Humor
Night
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Ken Dodd Quotes - Page 1

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