Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I met the CEO of Twitter.
Unfortunately, I'm used to the insults.
I've been six feet tall since the sixth grade.
It takes a real designer to design for real women.
My job is to bring the tickle. I know what's funny.
I'm really good at standup. I always win at standup.
I can't be intimidated by anyone wearing a housecoat.
I'm not leaving America because it doesn't support me.
I had all the intentions of being the next Eddie Murphy.
Hate speech and freedom of speech are two different things.
Bill Murray was just so funny to me - there wasn't anything spooking him.
I honestly believe that people sit behind their computers and just get really brave.
As soon as I touched the mic, I knew that's what I would do for the rest of my life.
People think I'm an overnight success. No. It's just that you all found me overnight.
I've perfected the art of busting on people. That's how comedians show each other love.
People used to call me names, so my mom had this beautiful African lady come talk to me.
I didn't realize the age thing until I got hired and everybody was telling me I was f - -ing old.
When you're writing a sketch, it has to be surrounded by a situation. It can't just be out of the air.
The big percentage is us, the real people, and we have to say something. You have to speak up. You have to.
You can't rush good wine. It has to sit. And when you finally drink it, it's the bomb. It's worth the wait.
I would never quit comedy to make money. I've been doing it, like, 30 years. I still love it. That's my life.
I'm glad this whole success thing is happening now. I can't even imagine a 23-year-old Leslie in this position.
Every black comedian in the country knew what I could do. But that doesn't mean everyone else is paying attention.
I get real brave when I text people. When I text people, I am so brave because it's words, but you can't say stuff.
You can look good. Don't let nobody tell you you can't look good because of your size... or what size your feet is.
You know what makes me mad about 'The Bachelorette?' That, you know, that that chick would get a man. Get me a date.
When my brother passed away... I made a decision that I might die soon, and if I die, I want people to know who I really am.
I know I'm fly - don't get me wrong. But I don't look, like, standard Hollywood. As a comedian, it's something you learn to use.
I love the people at my job. I love my boss. I love my camera men, I love my crew - because they all surrounded me with straight love.
Why is being a woman so surprising? There are two sexes. A man and a woman. So, if it's not a man in a movie, what else was it going to be?
I take care of everybody. I'm either hugging you or making sure that you're not sick, because my backpack has every kind of medicine in it.
You have to always keep conditioning. My coach used to say, "You play like you practice." If you practice s - -ty, you're going to play s - -ty.
When we did this reboot, I thought 'Ghostbusters' fans would be so excited: 'They've got the new technology - the ghosts are going to look real now.'
There was a time where I knew I was as funny as many dudes, but I had people telling me, 'You have to wear a dress onstage. You need to be more feminine.'
The way we value black beauty has changed. I'm single now, but back in the slave days, I would have never been single. I'm 6 feet tall and I'm strong. Look at me, I'm a Mandingo.
They redid 'Roots,' and everyone was saying, 'Oh, it shouldn't have been done.' I was like, 'It definitely should have been done.' Because it needs to be refurbished for the new generation so they can understand it.
There is no such thing as getting anything easy. Trust and believe. Even if you're good at what you do, you still should be practicing, you still should be updating, especially. Because if you don't update, you become a dinosaur.
If I see someone not laughing, the first thing I'm thinking is, "OK, am I cursing too much? Am I doing a joke he doesn't understand? Is he resting?" Then he starts becoming my focal point. Once I see him laugh, I'm like, [snap] "All right, now I'm funny."
I just knew that I was funny, and I knew that it was just a matter of time. I didn't know what was going to actually happen - this is definitely way bigger than I thought - but I knew there was no way I was going to be that funny, and nobody was going to notice it.
Everybody was telling me to sit my ass down. Everybody was telling me to get a real job. Everybody was asking me, "What are you doing? You're ruining your life. You're embarrassing your family." That's all I got. So you can't listen to that. You have to listen to yourself.
The day that I saw Whoopi Goldberg on television, I cried so hard because I kept looking at my daddy going, 'Oh my God. There's somebody on TV that looks like me! She looks like me! Yay! I can be on TV! I can be on TV! I can do it! Look at her - look at her! She looks just like me.'
Think about back in the day when we had Archie Bunker, 'The Jeffersons.' We had stuff to sit down and share and laugh at. The Internet has made it so we don't have to sit together anymore. It's so self-absorbed. No one has to talk to each other anymore, and people don't realize that that is killing us.
I always had a Twitter account. I always had an Instagram account. I was always active on it, always spoke my mind. To me, it's really weird that I got so many followers and people that pay attention the way they do. It's hilarious, actually, because people didn't used to listen to me at all. I used to be like, "Does anybody hear me talkin'?"
The reason everybody is so amazed and enamored with me right now is because I have worked every angle, I have worked every formula, I have worked every equation, I have seen every club, I have seen every performance, I have seen every joke, I have studied, I have done my job. That's why I'm good. It's not because I got up one night and decided I wanted to tell some f - -ing jokes.
Back when I played, basketball was all about fundamentals, about hustling, getting those loose balls, all those rebounds under the basket. That equals up to 12, 14, 16 points. You can lose a game with that much. It's different watching basketball now. People don't play the same way. It doesn't matter if you score, if you can't stop the other team from scoring. Our coach used to kick our ass if we didn't. I was told if you saw more of the other team color under the basket than your own team color, you ain't doing your job. Everybody should be under the board, trying to get that ball.