Quotes by Marcus Brigstocke - Page 1

I'd rather be happy than right.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Be Happy
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Jim Henson was an absolute genius.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Absolutes
Genius
Absolute
Jim
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Never Google yourself. Seriously, don't!
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
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Britain is obsessed with political correctness.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Britain
Correctness
Obsessed
Political
Political Correctness
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I don't mind not being cool; I wear a cardigan.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Being Cool
Cardigans
Mind
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If you want something Scottish, go get yourself a kilt.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Kilts
Scottish
Want Something
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You know you are fat when you hug a child and it gets lost.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Children
Fats
Hug
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I spend my jollity on stage, so there is less in my own life.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
My Own
My Own Life
Stage
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The most successful comics are always the hardest-working ones.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Hardest
Successful
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I rarely fly, for environmental reasons more than anything else.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Environmental
Reason
Anything Else
More Than Anything
Rarely
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To the people who've got iPhones: you just bought one, you didn't invent it!
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Iphone
People
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No one wants life to end. It was bad enough when my last tour came to an end.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Enough
Lasts
Want
Tour
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I'm best known as a stand-up comedian, but I'm a good actor in the right role.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Actors
Comedian
Roles
Good Actor
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My purist comedy friends accuse me of being a Jack of all trades and master of none.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Comedy
Masters
Trade
Accuse
Master
Jack
Trades
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I realised that to compare your insides with other people's outsides leads to unhappiness.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Compare
People
Realised
Unhappiness
Leads
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If you go on stage with an agenda, you have to accept not everyone's going to agree with it.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Accepting
Agendas
Agree
Goes On
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I am not racked with self-loathing. Some issues of guilt and shame, but I'm a pretty good guy.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Guilt
Guy
Issues
Self
Self Loathing
Pretty Good
Racked
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I find it hard to get enthusiastic about hotels because, as a touring comic, I spend a lot of time in them.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Comic
Enthusiastic
Hotel
Touring
Time Find Hard
Hotels
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I find myself by default an atheist but fairly unhappily so. It would be bloody marvelous if there was a god.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Atheist
Bloody
Default
Marvelous
Would Be
Fairly
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Eventually, somewhere - be it on the Internet or somewhere else - I will host some version of 'The Daily Show.'
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Daily Show
Host
Internet
Somewhere Else
Version
Daily
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Offence is important; that's how you know you care about things. Imagine a life where you're not offended. So dull.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Care
Dull
Important
Offence
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I went to China for a brief working visit, and I thought that Shanghai was interesting, but Beijing totally grabbed me.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Beijing
Interesting
Shanghai
Brief
Grabbed
Visit
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I have an addictive personality. Boarding school merely sent me more quickly on the downward spiral that dominated my childhood.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Childhood
Personality
School
Addictive
Boarding
Boarding School
Dominated
Downward
Merely
Spiral
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If Pac-Man had affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in dark rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Inspirational
Kids
Motivational
Running
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I'm more pompous and self-assured and determined that if - you know - if the truth can be told so as to be understood, it will be believed.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Determined
Pompous
Self
Understood
Believed
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I stumbled on a joke idea and style that worked, the audience went with it and, from that moment on, I was hooked. It's an amazing feeling.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Amazing
Audience
Feelings
Hooked
Ideas
Style
Amazing Feeling
Stumbled
Worked
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Catholicism has the clerical equivalent to a nut allergy - even a small exposure to change, and the whole thing will go into anaphylactic shock.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Allergies
Catholicism
Exposure
Nuts
Shock
Allergy
Clerical
Equivalent
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I think it's important never to look yourself up on Wikipedia. I think the temptation to correct any interesting factual errors would be too much.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Errors
Factual
Interesting
Temptation
Thinking
Wikipedia
Correct
Yourself Look Important
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And much as I enjoy writing and creating stuff, I don't enjoy it so much that I am willing to give up any time that could otherwise be spent performing.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Creating
Giving Up
Performing
Writing
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Guilt is feeling bad about what you have done; shame is feeling bad about who you are - all it is, is muddling up things you have done with who you are.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Done
Feelings
Guilt
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All my shows are therapy, trying to navigate interesting subjects so I can work them out and to be honest and say some things are beyond the wit of this man.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Men
Interesting
Navigate
Subjects
Therapy
Trying
Wit
To Be Honest
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I have a very good memory for scripts. I can watch a show I like once, then remember about 90% of the script. But ask me who was in it, and I wouldn't have a clue.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Clue
Memories
Scripts
Watches
Good Me Remember
Good Memory
Good Memory Me
Memory
Script
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I have learnt that I am incapable of packing the right amount of clothing, probably because I start 10 minutes before I'm supposed to leave, and that I truly hate airports.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Airports
Hate
Incapable
Minutes
Packing
Airport
Clothing
Learnt
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Christians, you and your churches don't get to be millionaires while other people have nothing at all. They're your bloody rules! Either stick to them or abandon the faith.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Christian
Church
People
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Jews, I know you're God's chosen people and the rest of us are just 'whatever', but when Israel behaves like a violent, psychopathic bully and someone mentions it, that doesn't make them anti-Semitic.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Bully
Israel
People
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I think Ross Noble is the only person that I've seen really storm a stand-up slot at a festival, and that was when he led 3,000 people on a conga out of the tent and across the entire site to a vegetarian food truck.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Noble
People
Site
Storm
Thinking
Truck
Across
Entire
Festival
Led
Slot
Tent
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I'd lie in bed in my dormitory and grab at bits of my body, wanting to tear them off... I was so large by then that, in the heat, my thighs chafed together and bled. I was very unhappy, and yet no one ever asked me how I felt.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Bed
Bits
Heat
Thighs
Unhappy
Lie
Grab
Tear
Wanting
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I became hugely overweight and then hated myself because it was a form of self-abuse, something over which I had no control. I think the thing compulsive over-eaters want to achieve is that stuffed-full Christmas afternoon feeling.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Christmas
Achieve
Afternoon
Feelings
Overweight
Self
Thinking
Became
Compulsive
Hugely
No Control
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Political correctness is as exploitable as any other progressive ideal, but its aim is to stifle the incessant noise of those who flap their careless lips without a thought about those they might offend and why that might be important.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Aim
Careless
Correctness
Important
Incessant
Might
Noise
Political
Political Correctness
Offend
Flap
Ideal
Stifle
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The basic function of a comic is stand-up because it's so straightforward and simple. If the audience don't laugh, you didn't do your job. I've had some audiences where I didn't care if they laughed or not because they were either too drunk or stupid.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Jobs
Comic
Drunk
Function
Laughed
Simple
Straightforward
Stupid
Audiences
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There are a lot of comics at the top end making staggering amounts of money and selling out stadiums. I think stand-up is a more intimate thing than that. Maybe because of the kind of comedy I do. It's like a discussion, but I'm the one with the microphone.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Comedy
Discussion
Intimate
Kind
Selling
Stadiums
Thinking
Microphone
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I failed to get into drama school, and my best friend told me I should do stand-up instead. I was always doing gags and voices, so he booked a gig for me without telling me. I only had four days to write it. I did a seven-minute set; the first four minutes were terrible, but the last two were amazing.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Best Friend
Drama
School
Writing
Best Amazing Me
Booked
Drama School
Failed
Gig
Voices
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I've spent a lot of very happy times in Edinburgh as a result of playing virtually every festival since 1996. It's also a beautiful city in its own right, is walkable, within sight of the sea and mountains - and was too far north for the Luftwaffe to have done any damage, hence the spectacularly beautiful architecture.
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Architecture
Beautiful
Beautiful City
Damage
Edinburgh
Happy Times
Sea
Sight
Mountains
Festival
Hence
North
Virtually
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This goes out to the followers of the three Abrahamic religions: To the Jews, Christians, and Muslims. It's just a little thing, really. But do you think that when you're done smashing up the world and blowing each other to bits and demanding special privileges while you're at it... do you think the rest of us could have our planet back?
Marcus Brigstocke / Comedian
Christian
Special
Thinking
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Marcus Brigstocke Quotes - Page 1

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