Quotes by Melvin Helitzer - Page 1 | QuoteForever

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I have a serious investment problem. I have no money.
Melvin Helitzer / Professor
Investment
Problem
Serious
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A famous actor, Edmund Kean, on his deathbed, was reported to have said, "Dying is easy. Comedy is hard."
Melvin Helitzer / Professor
Actors
Comedy
Dying
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Enjoy how sweet, how thoughtful, how kind I'm being on your birthday. Because tomorrow it's back to the same old crap.
Melvin Helitzer / Professor
Sweet
Thoughtful
Tomorrow
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One thing I can guarantee you. You may not be a great deal wiser from my talk today, but you will be a great deal older.
Melvin Helitzer / Professor
Guarantees
May
Today
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I'd like to introduce a man with a lot of charm, talent, and wit. Unfortunately, he couldn't be here tonight, so instead . . .
Melvin Helitzer / Professor
Men
Talent
Tonight
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If the audience knows what's behind the door and the actor does not, that's comedy. If both the audience and the actor do not know, that's mystery!
Melvin Helitzer / Professor
Actors
Doe
Doors
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I sort of feel like Cindy Crawford's new husband on their wedding night. I know what's expected of me. I'm just not sure I've got the ability to make it interesting.
Melvin Helitzer / Professor
Husband
Interesting
Night
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