Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I want to manufacture a feud.
I just want to do cool stuff.
Wow. I am really pretentious.
I have to stay true to myself.
I get all of my comedy from CNN.
I don't feel like I even need to contribute.
Apparently it's cool to watch The Daily Show.
It's like every day I'm born anew, without Jesus.
The head writer loves that my character is a boor.
Pat OBrien knows nothing. Hes on the Hell express.
Pat O'Brien knows nothing. He's on the Hell express.
Why should I be feeling tension? It's The Daily Show.
I've got like a week and a half left, all bets are off.
If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.
Ethanol is, in its pure form, just as much of a sham as oil.
I remember saying in college that I would never do commercials.
I was going out for absolutely everything that was in Backstage.
Anything would deserve a sequel if the right elements are there.
This limited theatrical release was a nice little bonus that I never expected.
It looks like garbage, my ass. But trust me, you're lucky it's not full-frontal.
I don't feel rivalry. I'm the least competitive person you'll meet ever, to a fault.
Anything that you can do a tiny bit of research about, I'll turn it into an obsession.
For most of my life, I was a worrier and an over-thinker. I had pretty bad social anxiety.
I didn't really feel 100 percent comfortable until we started working on the 2004 election.
You're encouraged to pitch your own story. That way, you'll have more control over what you do.
Once I found out how much an Off-Off-Broadway actor makes, I was whoring myself out the next day.
I actually got the part. And I thought, Well, I'll do it for a while. I'll just quit if it's stupid.
I learned more about elections on election night 2000 than I ever did during my 16 years of schooling.
If people see me in some sort of niche, then that's fine. As long as it's not The Naked Guy, I don't care.
If people see me in some sort of niche, then that's fine. As long as it's not "The Naked Guy." I don't care.
If anything, there's more at stake when you're older, and more responsibility and more legitimate things to worry about.
I touched an Oscar once. Friend of mine has one, for writing. As soon as I touched it, he said, Now you'll never win one.
People want other people to know that they share our sensibility even if they're not exactly sure what that sensibility is.
I always fancied myself more of an actor than a comedian before I realized that only assholes make that kind of distinction.
My mother was very, very Protestant. I grew up Presbyterian, and I went to church every Sunday until I was 18. I was forced to.
I don't know how this company got the name National Shakespeare Company, because it was literally like retards employing retards.
I didn't hang any pictures in my office for a year because I thought that I would be jinxing myself and have to take them down the next day.
I don't like gadgets for their own sake. I like gadgets that are tools. And I like simple gadgets that do one thing really well like a hammer.
I have a wife and two daughters; people who depend on me. Everything is more important than it was when I was 20. But now I'm like, "Eh, I made it this far."
Sometimes we have to actually say, I think you're really funny, but none of your jokes are going to make it on the air. So just answer my questions. Seriously.
As a teenager, I was very much a people pleaser and that excludes being adventuresome at all. I was a Boy Scout though and so that's as adventuresome as I got.
I've always defined myself as a writer, I've never decided what it was I was gonna write. [...] I always fancied myself one, but I'm not. I'm so far from a writer.
The show is a satire, which gives us freedom to do anything we want. Satire is the magic word that wipes away any culpability. The media is jealous of this freedom.
The first year or so on The Daily Show is pretty intense in terms of travel. You're going to the worst places in the country, talking to the craziest people in the world.
I remember interviewing someone I actually felt bad for, and therefore didn't want to take an ironic stance against him. It actually turned out to be a really funny piece.
I've been an Apple guy since the mid 80's and that's when I was like, "Boy, you guys really got me here. I know exactly what you're doing, right down to your price points."
I am realizing how old I am 'cause I am meeting so many people that were born in the 80s, which is crazy to me that I was going through puberty and [they weren't] even alive.
I've always wanted to be an actor. I didn't get into this game to be the best improviser in the world. I didn't choose improv as a stepping stone, it just happened to become one.
I really think of it - acting and writing and producing, whatever - as shipping. You gotta ship. Put the widget together in the easiest, quickest way possible and ship the product.
If it's January, I'm dead in three hours. But in June, I'd be hungry, but I'd make it out. I'd find my way without a map or compass. I say that with confidence. I can build a fire without a match.