Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I get too upset by online criticism.
I'm a vegan and London's great for vegans.
I want my funeral to be uncomfortably quiet.
People learn more when they're enjoying themselves.
I'm always thinking about being inclusive in my sentences.
I have to remind myself that I am a comic, I'm not a politician.
The podcast is a bit like a phone call, except you don't say anything.
While all religious beliefs should be respected, choice is a human right.
I started comedy as a hobby, really, and it still doesn't seem like a proper job.
No success will ever quench your thirst - my rich person's therapist told me that.
The definition of comedy is 'unsafe space' - you can't control what people laugh at.
I became a vegetarian at seven. I went on a school trip to a farm and loved the animals.
Belief is invisible, so there is enough space for everyone's. Except in the shops at Christmas.
I didn't watch TV in the 90s and early 00s. I was too busy trying to grow out a fringe and perm.
I really respect the work and speeches of Tony Benn. He was a powerful speaker with a huge heart.
I could barely function as an adult; I slept through alarm clocks and lost train tickets mid-journey.
I honestly believe true happiness lies in lowered expectations. In opening the door to let the air in.
For women, style codes are not merely about being smart or presentable, they are a platform for judgment.
I was exceptionally opinionated as a teenager, never afraid to rant and ruin a birthday party or cinema trip.
I get a fizzy thing in my brain, like a nice glass of wine, and I want to know facts and I want to understand.
Backstage at the Apollo isn't a fun place to be. It's a bit like a prison: small rooms filled with warm Diet Coke.
Call centres employ mainly out-of-work actors because vocal skills plus low self-esteem equals reliable cold caller.
Since I was really small, my mum says I wouldn't talk at breakfast because I would just read the back of the cereal packet.
Utilitarianism is a philosophy from the olden days exploring the idea that whatever is best for the majority is the fairest.
There was a girl I was best friends with at college; I always used to kiss the boys she liked. I'd like to apologise to her.
As an adult, my hero is my dog, Mouse. He is so friendly to everyone he meets. He wags his tail and loves everyone, like Jesus!
For all of the separateness of church and state, Christian morality has shaped Britain and its inhabitants for a very long time.
We parcel up time into years and months and days because without compartmentalisation the tundra of time is impossible to navigate.
I try so hard to be tolerant of everyone and their choices, but people who harm pets or support factory farming have an enemy in me.
The love of Elizabeth Bennet and Mr Darcy is reliant on the restrictions of Regency culture, their passion is created by repression.
I would have been an essayist in the 18th century. Maybe I'd have had one gag in the piece, but essentially I'd be saying something.
It sounds like a brag but I've got a separate room in my flat just for unread books; I don't let my read books touch my unread books.
I always get nervous before a gig, so I look over my writing, trying not to fantasise about all the things that could go horribly wrong.
I was always obsessed with ancient Egypt, but any time you go back to wouldn't be as good for women as now - so it might be a quick visit.
It's unfair but true: youth is attractive, curvy women are attractive, outliers who look a bit different to everybody else are attractive.
Standup is a place where, as long as it's funny enough, you can say your most embarrassing things, shameful things and disappointing things.
I am very short-sighted but I don't wear my glasses as they give me a headache, so if everyone could just stand closer to me that would help.
When I started watching comedy there was a lot of negativity about women; a lot of comics were spewing out aggressive, violent and negative material.
I wanted the audience to write stories and then read them out if they wanted to. It's always the best part of the show because people are so imaginative.
We don't live in a world where, if you commit a crime, your life's over. We as a society believe in rehabilitation. We believe in second and third chances.
I did an open air gig in Regent's Park and that's an incredible venue because the sun sort of sets while you're on stage and you can see the audience so brightly.
When I was 18, I moved out of home. I decided to try to be an actor, so took myself off to slum it with nine humans and a million mice in a red Leytonstone house.
Ten years ago, I went to visit my dad in Australia. I walked to the edge of a cliff and looked over and tripped. I righted myself but my head was over the edge. No one saw it.
Sometimes I am lucky enough to hang out with Tim Key and he is constantly funny. Every moment. When I haven't seen him for a bit I do his voice in my head to entertain myself.
Sometimes people give to charity because they have been persuaded to believe in a cause, sometimes just to get rid of you and sometimes because they are befuddled and confused.
But, if you read science journals or the inside of Snapple caps, you might already know that watching TV is the closest you can get to being dead, which is why it's so relaxing.
So why don't all religions get together and go to war with atheists? Because we all want the same thing: respect and tolerance and not to be forced to do anything we don't want to.
There's nothing you can't tell to an audience, because they're all people who've had lives. The only thing they don't want to watch is someone who's really angry or out of control.'
I used to steal from the library, which is a crime and it's bad, but I just couldn't get enough books, and I also didn't like to give them back once I'd read them. I just read everything.
When you're the person in the room with the microphone, you have a platform to talk about whatever you want, and it's much more interesting if we're discussing something that feels relevant.