Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I'm not a tortured soul.
The hands are the feet of the arms.
I would love to interview Sean Spicer.
I enjoy talking about politics a great deal.
I'm a bold man. I throw caution to the wind.
Politicians don't say no to cameras very often.
It's weird to sit as a comedian. Being still drives me crazy.
People who know me would not say that, at my core, I'm silly.
My 'SNL' days of working through the night have come and gone.
It's very hard to get inside Donald Trump's brain, and I don't want to try.
My father is sort of the jokester. My dad is still the funniest guy in our family.
I'm strictly a sugar-free Red Bull guy. I'd rather enjoy my sugar intake elsewhere.
Once you get past funny, my other qualities are so below average. It's not like I'm handy.
I love cheese plates. Though I actually hate cheese plates. Because I can't say no to them.
I think the greatest gift your parents can give you if you want to be a comedian is good taste.
People appreciate it when you take some time to think about who will be listening to your jokes.
Donald Trump often appears on Fox, which is ironic because a fox often appears on Donald Trump's head.
The first time I had disposable income, the two things I cared most about were a television and a couch.
It's nice to have an elephant in the room. There's nothing more helpful than something everybody's thinking about.
I'm a terrible grocery shopper. I hardly ever do it. And if I do, there's never more than three things in the bag.
It's nice when I get offered small parts. But I really think that 'SNL' is what my skill set is best designed for.
My parents introduced me to 'SNL,' Monty Python, and Richard Pryor probably way earlier than they had any right to.
I thought Ted Cruz was more fun than Carly Fiorina. And I never thought I would ever say the words, 'Ted Cruz was more fun.'
When my girlfriend and I talk about being happy, I'll get choked up, which I think is the greatest gift you can give a girlfriend.
I started in high school, and in college, I studied radio, TV, and film. The plan was to be a filmmaker, and it was always comedy.
'SNL' after-parties are sort of like a time to celebrate your successes and drown your sorrows, depending on how the show went for you.
I did not go into comedy to escape anything. I went into comedy because I had parents who thought it was a reputable way to earn a living.
Donald Trump has been saying that he will run for president as a Republican, which is surprising since I just assumed he was running as a joke.
The nice thing about anger is that, as an emotion, it's strong enough to unplug me from the comedian's mind for a minute and just be a frustrated member of the citizenry.
I want people to know my political point of view. There's an appetite for that, almost an expectation. I also want to make people laugh, but I wouldn't want to do it at the expense of my point of view.
I don't get the conga line started. I'm not a great choice if the goal of the evening is just a celebration. But if we're going to talk about what's been going on lately, then I can bring something to the table.
In 2004 I had the fortune - or the misfortune - of playing John Kerry. It was hard because I think the best impressions exaggerate someone's most well-known quality. And exaggerating gravitas is very hard to pull off.
My mother is an incredibly beautiful woman who has laughed at every single thing my father's ever said. At a young age, my brother and I understood that if you can make girls laugh, you can punch well above your weight class.
The Earth will be around for a long time before you have a funnier president than Obama. He has a stand-up's cadence and the awareness and ability to make jokes about himself before comedians can. That's a page almost every politician should try to take from his book.
People say, 'Oh, you're doing the job of journalists.' I think it's very important to note that we can't do our job without journalists. Journalists can do their job without late-night comedians. They'd be just fine without us. But we, of course, use their work every day to build our pieces.
I was very much aiming to go into movies eventually, like a lot of 'SNL' people. But, soon after I arrived, all these really good actors started, like Fred Armisen, Bill Hader, Jason Sudeikis and Andy Samberg, and I thought, 'If I were casting a movie, I would put all of them in it over me.'