Quotes by Simon Munnery - Page 1

All men are brothers. Hence war.
Simon Munnery / Comedian
Men
War
Brother
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Many are willing to suffer for their art. Few are willing to learn to draw.
Simon Munnery / Comedian
Art
Smile
Draws
Suffering
Willing To Learn
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Although no man is an island, you can make quite an effective raft out of six.
Simon Munnery / Comedian
Men
Islands
Six
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I don't worry about losing my looks. It's finding them on someone else that worries me.
Simon Munnery / Comedian
Looks
Losing
Worry
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I wear glasses myself. As an affectation, as a badge of high intellect and to see with.
Simon Munnery / Comedian
Badges
Glasses
Intellect
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If you only ever read one book in your life ... I highly recommend you keep your mouth shut.
Simon Munnery / Comedian
Book
Ifs
Mouths
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Like bees around honey. Why are bees so attracted to honey, since they make it? It can only be vanity.
Simon Munnery / Comedian
Bees
Honey
Vanity
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It is the vanity of women to spend hours in front of the mirror. It is the vanity of men not to bother.
Simon Munnery / Comedian
Men
Mirrors
Vanity
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What do you get the man who has everything? Might I suggest a gravestone inscribed with the words: so what?
Simon Munnery / Comedian
Men
Gravestone
Might
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He who disagrees with me in private, call him a fool. He who disagrees with me in public, call him an ambulance.
Simon Munnery / Comedian
Ambulance
Disagree
Fool
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The truly beautiful are often abused for apparent ugliness just as those with great vision often bump into things.
Simon Munnery / Comedian
Beautiful
Bumps
Vision
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Fish deserve to be caught for they are lazy. Two million years of evolution and they still haven't got out of the water.
Simon Munnery / Comedian
Two
Water
Years
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Like many supermodels, I won't get out of bed for less than £3000. Unlike many supermodels, I don't get out of bed very often.
Simon Munnery / Comedian
Bed
Supermodel
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When you look in the mirror and despair and none of your clothes seem appropriate, relax, put the kettle on. It might suit you.
Simon Munnery / Comedian
Clothes
Mirrors
Suits You
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Life is like a musical by Andrew Lloyd Webber. Very popular and not as bad as some would have you believe. That is, unspeakably awful but mercifully brief.
Simon Munnery / Comedian
Believe
Life Is Like
Musical
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I've got nothing against any individual American, except that there aren't any. They're always Irish-American, African-American... There's never an American-American you can blame.
Simon Munnery / Comedian
African American
Blame
Individual
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I remember when I posed as a customs officer so that I could meet Oscar Wilde. I said to him "Have you anything to declare?" He said "I have nothing to declare but my genius." I said "I'll put that down as nothing then shall I?" For I am the wittiest man on Earth.
Simon Munnery / Comedian
Men
Earth
Genius
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Simon Munnery Quotes - Page 1

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