Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
There has been nothing more impactful on my life and meaningful to me than the introduction of Christ. That, hands down, blows away every joke I've ever written.
If I were an animal, I'd probably be a bald eagle, since I'm already bald and I love to fish. But I'd probably be a shaky-ass eagle because I'm afraid of flying.
Hip-hop is a beautiful thing. I think that the music genre itself has created more millionaires than any other music genre before it, especially in our community.
I tell people I'm a stand-up comedian two hours a week. The rest of the time, I'm somebody's husband, I'm somebody's father. I'm a man. I take great pride in that.
I don't want people to see me fall. I mean, I got enough people cheering for me to fall now... The Internet has created some amazing place for evil to exist, you dig?
You can tell me anything you want to about investment, but you can't move no money of mine, so I know where all of mine is. Now, if we ain't got a lot, it's our fault.
I'm just a living witness that you can be an imperfect soldier and still be in the army fighting for God Almighty. Don't you think you got to be perfect 'cause I ain't.
You've got to be vulnerable when you're talking to kids. There's nothing worse than some adult standing up there just talking down to some kid. You can't work that way.
Comedians walk out, get a feel for the crowd. If it's not going good, we change directions. If we got to drag your momma into this thing, we will. Whatever we got to do.
I'm a comedian first. I've learned how to act. I just draw on life experiences and that's how I've learned. I didn't take classes or anything. I don't need no classroom.
The most successful people in this world recognize that taking chances to get what they want is much more productive than sitting around being too scared to take a shot.
The cookie is the critical part. It's a word I created for sex and you've got to give a man all three things. If you miss one out, he is going to find it somewhere else.
I think that we, as the African-American men in hip-hop, we have a greater responsibly because we have the ears of so many millions of our young people. And they listenin'.
a real man is happy and eager to live by your rules, as long as he knows what the rules are and he's sure that abiding by those rules will help keep the woman he loves happy
Failure is a great teacher, and I think when you make mistakes and you recover from them and you treat them as valuable learning experiences, then you've got something to share.
If a man loves you... he's willing to profess it. He'll give you a title after a while. You're going to be his lady, his woman, his fiancee, his wife, his baby's mama, something.
If a man loves you . . . he's willing to profess it. He'll give you a title after a while. You're going to be his lady, his woman, his fiancée, his wife, his baby's mama, something.
You have to pick your places to "step up" and you have you pick your spots. If you're just going to run out there, and, just be what/who you want to be, then you won't be that long.
To be No. 1 on the 'New York Times' best-seller list, well, that's alarming. Having been a stand-up comedian, I think it's surprising to a lot of people that I had the insight I had.
At one point in time, you've just got to be a brave soldier, and speak up. What are you scared of, you know? So many of our entertainers have that fear because we're afraid of opposition.
I tell my boys not to play rough with their younger sister. I try to teach them what I know already: You're never going to win an argument with a girl, so just let her have what she wants!
You have nothing if you're texting a guy in a relationship. We can text six women a minute. We can text it and push 'reply all.' I mean, since we're lying, we might as well lie to everybody.
Every day, President Obama sends a beautiful message about how we should treat our women based on how he treats his wife. When people went after his wife during the campaign, he took a stand.
I think that once you lose your fear, and understand that your position is God-given, then, if you lose your fear of what man can do, it enables you to do some things that God wants you to do.
Man didn't put me in this place [in entertaining industry]. I'm in this position because of God. And so, if man didn't put me in this place, I really don't see no man that can take me out of here.
God lets you be successful because he trusts you that you will do the right thing with it. Now, does he get disappointed often? All the time, because people get there and they forget how they got it.
Ask any guy if sex is important in a relationship and the one who says no is lying. I just haven't met that guy yet. When you meet him, let's get him in to the Smithsonian - he's that special and rare.
I don't think it's cool for people to say, 'You shouldn't reference God because I don't believe that, and I don't want to hear it.' Well, there's a lot of stuff I don't believe that I still gotta hear.
TV is a different animal. I belong on that little screen. The big silver screen, not so much, 'cause I've seen my face up close when it's 25-feet tall. I'm okay as long as you keep me in that little box.
I talked to Minister [Louis] Farrakhan many times about this subject - there is our reality that we have to deal with on an ongoing basis because we have to exist in order for certain things to get done.
If you don't have a base - you can't not have a spiritual base and survive. That's probably what has kept me out of the tabloids. Then I go home, I've got a family, and I keep my wife in front of my head.
The first time I saw my wife, Marjorie, I was doing stand-up in Memphis, and she was sitting in the front row. Afterward, I walked up and said, "Ma'am, I'm going to marry you one day". And 15 years later, I did.
The first time I saw my wife, Marjorie, I was doing stand-up in Memphis, and she was sitting in the front row. Afterward, I walked up and said, 'Ma'am, I'm going to marry you one day.' And 15 years later, I did.
A lot of times we expect people who get money and fame to suddenly become this "role model" or this "icon." That ain't how it works. Money and fame - all it does it just allows you to be more of who you really are.
There many guys out there who are actually fishing for a woman whom they are planning on keeping. But there are guys out there who are just sports fishing - catching them and then throwing them back into the ocean.
Providing for the ones he loves and care about, whether it's monetarily or with sweat equity, is part of a man's DNA, and if he loves and cares for you, this man will provide for you all these things with no limits.
But remember what drives a man; real men do what they have to do to make sure their people are taken care of, clothed, housed, and reasonably sastisfied, and if they're doing anything less than that, they're not men.
You're an investigator - can't nobody find stuff out like a woman. Y'all put the police to shame, make the little investigative tricks they show on CSI and Law & Order: SVU look like counting lessons on Sesame Street.
I was homeless. I lived in a car for a couple of years. That was the worst. But nothing was worse than when I was 40 and my mom passed away. My mother was the best person I ever knew. Those were the two lowest points.
I've always been this way. My father taught this to me. Here's the thing, you have to understand; the thing about having money: Money and fame don't change you, all it does is allow you to be more of who you are anyway.
I've had my share of problems along the way. Don't get me wrong, because there is no school for this. You go from a poor person to a rich person. My parents didn't have no money; didn't tell me nothing about investments.
I have seen some crazy people do some crazy things on my variety show. I have to stop and ask them a lot of the time, just how they figured out that they could do the things that they do, some of it is just plain freaky.
I don't have much of an attention span for TV - I nod off during the basketball playoffs - but when I watch 'Game of Thrones' on On Demand, I'm glued to the set. It's mystical and addictive. Tyrion Lannister, that's my man.
I don't rehearse on either of my shows, 'Family Feud' or my talk show. I never rehearse with the guests. I don't want to have any preconceived thoughts, notions, because that kills my creativity as a host and as a stand up.
If you cook something on the show, and I don't like it, I'm going to tell you. I don't understand how you could watch any of these morning shows, and everything everybody cooks is absolutely delicious. Are you kidding me, man?
Men don't come up to you to just talk. We come up to you with a plan. We're looking across the room at you, and we don't care about your hopes and dreams. We don't care about what your future holds. We saw something we wanted.
I don't have 'The Jerry Springer Show'. I just got 'Family Feud', but some of them families, when they lose, man, they have some real conversations with each other back behind that wall, but I've never been involved in any of them.
Men automatically know from the moment she opens her mouth that if they want her, they'll have to get in line whith her standards and requirments, or keep it moving because she's done with the games and isn't interested in playing.
If you're a generous person, when you get money and fame, you're going to be more generous. If you're a sharer, you're going to be more sharing. If you're a coward, you're just going to be a bigger coward. That's all money and fame does.
The truth is I've always been a Christian. What's amazing, is that the flaws that come with Christianity are really weird, because mine have a microphone and a camera attached to them. Most people don't have to live under that microscope.